I hate stuff and things

Monday Fragments

2011-12-05T19:14:00.005+11:00

I'm 'borrowing' this off Mrs 4444's from Half Past Kissing Time.
Only she does Friday Fragments, cause that makes more sense, but shhhhh. :)

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I have about 3 Christmas presents left to buy and then I'm done!! Hurrah!!
Then comes the wrapping, which I usually enjoy, but I'm just not looking forward to it.

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My Dad and My Step-mum got married recently. After 24 years together.
It was amazing. They looked so happy and it was a great day, and it was amazing.

Only downside? I got a MASSIVE migraine about halfway through and had to have a nap. :(
Luckily where they got married was a kinda camp-site (not as in tents as in cute cabins) had cabins and I could get a nap and not be noticed. :)
My sisters {2 of em} and I plus my brother were in the wedding party. And my older sister did all our hair {she's a proper hair dresser, ps.}

Here's a picture of my hair {and makeup, kinda}:

{total selfie, I know}

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I started a new job at the beginning of last month, and I'm a bit indifferent to it.
The people are completely different to my old team and I don't love it.
The work is different {and sometimes boring}, in comparison to my old team too. But this is an actual step into a career and not just a job, like my last one, so I guess that's ok.

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My dads dog had puppies two weeks before the wedding, {the day of the hens/bucks night actually} and I. AM. IN. LOVE.
Oh my gosh. They are so cute.
They were SO gross being born, but they are so cute.

Meet Franklin:

I want to hold him and love him, and have him live with me, and oh my goodness he is so cute.

There are others too, 8 in total, and if you are looking for a new puppy {or puppies}, they all need homes -- or at least that's what my dad is saying now, I think he is slowly falling in love with them too. :)
Part Lab, Part Ridge Back if anyone is wondering.

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Last one.
My older sister is preggers!!
She'll be 12 weeks the Monday or Tuesday before Christmas and its just a little bit exciting. :D

Marriage

2011-11-04T18:28:00.000+11:00

...we never knows what goes on in someone's marriage.
We never know if it's a happy marriage or a charade.
We will never know if the 72 days was the most happy or worse days of someone's life.

And so we shouldn't judge.
But we do.

Why wouldn't we, we were 'forced' to watch this persons tv show, we were 'forced' to watch this persons relationship on their show, and we were 'forced' to watch the 2 wedding spectacular.

Oh, you weren't forced?
My mistake. The way everyone is going on about it, seems to me everyone had a gun to their head being made to watch it. All.

I get that 72 days isn't a whole lot.
I get that gay marriage is gonna ride on this train for a while -- the whole gays don't ruin marriage, KK's 72 days marriage does etc.

But we don't know.

It doesn't look good that she filed and he had no idea -- communication being one of theirs issues, I assume -- it doesn't look good that she flew to here within days of filing, leaving her husband alone.
But she did.

Marriage is hard.

And we never know what is going on in someone elses.

I don't 'get' Art.

2011-10-02T16:08:00.007+11:00

....I also am terrible at taking selfies.

Yesterday the husband wanted to go to the Art Museum, cause there was some portrait exhibition on.

As it turned out we didn't know exactly where to go in the museum at first so started wandering.

This is when i discovered, i don't get art.

Here is an example of what we saw:

My first thought was, maybe they just got it and haven't had it put up on the wall yet.
Nope.
I was wrong.
That was the piece.
I don't get art.

Then i saw this and thought pretty!!

....it was in the kids section. You know where they sit and draw while the adults look at "proper" art. Yep.

Moving on....

The husband and I slowly decided to wander through the park on the walk back home, but we were so tired from walking to the museum and then around the museum, and from having to figure out what was actual art and not actual art, {I'll give you a hint, it was mostly all actual art, even the triangle within the square that was drawn DRAWN onto the wall}.
So we decided to rest on the grass for a little bit.

This is where I discovered that not only do I not "get" art, but i also can't take selfies.

Here are some examples of attempts from both myself AND the husband.

...Ignore the squinty eyes and the wrinkles, i was looking directly into the sun. Smart, i know.

Im gonna end with my two favourites though.

So now you have seen my skills as a photographer.

#Please note, we were just using our phones, so Im gonna totally blame them. :)

Why?

2011-09-21T11:51:00.005+10:00

I don't know if its like this everywhere, or just here, but i have two thoughts in my head and i want to know why its OK.

Why is is OK to make fun of "Rangas"?

##I know that using that term in this question is kinda odd, but bear with me.

This is kinda bought on by seeing this article, but more so the jokes that came after.
I don't have red red hair, but its turning that way. {As i was growing up my hair was brown brown, but naturally its tinting redder and redder}
My older sister had red/orange hair growing up and she copped terrible terrible hell with it, so much so, she dyed it as soon as mum let her and hasn't gone back.

My friend noticed my hair changing the other day and the way he looked at me was like, i don't know, not one of admiration. It wasn't nice.

I don't understand why people who have no control over what colour their hair may be should be bullied.

In the same note, there are blonde jokes, but I think that "ranga" jokes are meaner.

People want to be blonde, no one wants to be a red/orange head.

My next question is:

Why are women "supposed" to be curvy, and "big is beautiful" but someone who is naturally skinny always is "too" skinny?

##My question refers to naturally skinny females, not females who starve themselves/are not well etc.

Now, before i go any further, I'm small. Between a size 8-10 <6-8 US> which, {I've just seen apparently isn't as small as i thought it was...} is smaller then the average size here of 12.
Yet, when there is hoopla about national sizing/fashion week etc, its always the small girls who are in the wrong.

I've been small all my life. I've never been bigger then a 10, and i don't remember the last time i weighted more then 55kgs <120lbs> at my heaviest.
I can't help that. I eat terribly. So badly. But my weight just doesn't happen.

I've been told my whole life that when i turn 25/26/30 I'll get really fat and then I'll know blah blah blah.

And all i hear is how "Real Women have curves".
So not only am i too skinny, but I'm not a "real woman".

Who decided this? And why is it OK?

Bits and Pieces

2011-08-01T17:43:00.002+10:00

I have loads of stuff to say, but i can't get it out of my head and through my hands onto the keyboard.
So i don't really know what this post will end up as.
I apologize in advance.

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I went to the doctors the other day.
I had to get the pill.
I'm married, just FYI, just in case you didn't know.
Its also winter time here, just keep that in mind.
I've been on the pill before also, just not in ages....
I haven't gotten it since going to these doctors.
Anyway...
I had gloves on when i went in there, so of course, my wedding ring was covered.
And of course, even though I'm 26, (yeah, ahuh, 26), i had to sit through the 'sexually active' lecture.
BLAH.
That was fun.

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My friend is having her engagement party this weekend.
Its a backyard engagement party.
In the west.
Where there will likely be a fire drum.
If you are on twitter, I'll likely be talking about it.
I don't know if it'll be good, or great or blah.
I just i don't know.
I like hanging out with that part of my past.
But then i feel like I'm SO different to them now as well, so i don't how it will be.

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AND THEN!!
The engagement party is on Saturday night.
Then on Monday morning, SUPER early, I fly down to Melbourne.
THEN!!
On Tuesday, we fly out to Bali!!
(The husband is flying to Melbourne on Saturday, to see his family, and I'm staying to go to the engagement party).
While it seems I'm super excited, I'm not sure i am just yet.
I'm excited about not having to go to work for almost 3 weeks.
I'm excited to be in the sun and not in the cold.
I'm excited to get another stamp in my passport, --which reminds me i need to find that--.
But I'm not sure if I'm quite excited about Bali yet.
We'll see.

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I really wish there was a change all option on the spellcheck here...

26

2011-07-05T21:53:00.002+10:00

26 (twenty-six) is the natural number following 25 and preceding 27.

veintiséis
njëzetegjashtë
iyirmi alti
dvadeset šest

26 is the only single number between a square (25 = 52) and a cube (27 = 33).[1]
A rhombicuboctahedron has twenty-six sides.
When a 3x3x3 cube is made of twenty-seven unit cubes, twenty-six of them are visible parts of the exterior layer of cubes.

dvacet šest
zesentwintig
kaksikymmentäkuusi
είκοσι έξι

Twenty-six is a repdigit in base three (222) and in base twelve (22).
In base ten, 26 is the smallest number that is not a palindrome to have a square(26^2=676) which is a palindrome.
Twenty-six is the number of five-digit prime quadruplets, the first of which is {13001, 13003, 13007, 13009}.[2]

ven sis
छब्बीस
dua puluh enam
fiche sé

The atomic number of iron
The number of spacetime dimensions in bosonic string theory.

viginti sex
tjueseks
dwadzieścia sześć
douăzeci şi şase

26 is the gematric number of the name of the God of Israel – YHWH
According to Jewish chronology, God gave the Torah in the 26th generation since Creation

двадцать шесть
двадесет шест
veintiséis
இருபத்து ஆறு

Twenty-six is:
A 2003 novel by Leo McKay, Jr..
The number of letters in the English and Interlingua alphabets, if capital letters are not distinguished from lowercase letters.
The number of miles in a marathon rounded down (26 miles and 385 yards).
The age at which males can no longer be drafted in the United States
The "joke throw" in the game of darts, where a player throws 20, 5 and 1 when aiming for 20 (or treble 20). In professional darts, throwing 26 usually results in sneers or laughter from the audience.
A dice game popular in the midwest United States from the 1930s to 1950s; players had to roll a chosen number 26 times or more, exactly 13 or fewer than 10.[3]
In a normal deck of cards, there are 26 red cards and 26 black cards.

ఇరవై ఆరు
ยี่สิบหก
yirmi altı
двадцять шість

The number of Cantons of Switzerland.
The largest number of Oscars awarded to one person (Walt Disney).
The number of bones in the normal human Foot and Ankle

چھببیس

And now, its the age I am now.

Good day was had.
Amazing presents were received.
Lots of love.

Pictures and winter and life

2011-06-08T19:14:00.006+10:00

I'm writing this while watching "The Rachel Zoe Project" (only its the first ep of season 2, so before she got knocked up and i already know how its going to end... In fact as its going on, i think i may have even see this episode --yeah, i watch too much bad TV, you should know this by now--)

{North Sydney just before the bridge on the "good" side}

Moving on....

This week, I'm getting paid a bonus.
My first.
Ever.
I've been working since i was 14 (and 9 months --I be legal of course--), but have never, ever, ever receive a bonus.
Ever.
(FYi - for those wondering, I'm turning 26 at the beginning of July, if that helps)
While its not a lot, and most (some) of it is going to pay off part of my credit cards, its still like free money. Kinda like a tax return, which is ALSO coming up soon, so YAY!!

RAWR!
{This is the Ice Bear Project}

NEXT!!

Its my baby sisters 16th birthday this month.
She is turning 16.
She was born in 1995.

Next month its my baby brothers 18th (!!) birthday.
He was born in 1993.

They were born in the 90s, people.
And they are already turning significant ages.

Blows.
My.
Mind.

{This is from Vivid -- better last year in my opinion. It was spread out more and you got to see Sydney more. Might have been cause last year it wasn't raining and 1000s of people weren't there, but blah ---}

On that,
Its winter (now), and its been FREEZING!!
I've been working the late shift (11pm finish) and the early shift (7am starts), which means i get no sun on my way to/from work. I also get the coldest of the cold.
And i weigh 50 (ish) kgs {110llb?) so the wind goes RIGHT through me.
For some reason, my ears are always the coldest. No idea.
But I have kinda a small head, *shush* so most hats/beanies don't suit/fit me.
I've been wanting to get ear muffs (is there another name for them? That sounds kinda ....dirty).

So then yesterday, the husband bought some for me as a surprise!!
{and he cooked tea, so it was totally my night!}

{On the train just before 6am with my winter essentials -- FYI while they are fingerless gloves, they totally turn into mittens. Amazing --}

And while i thought i had one more thing to write about i don't.
Oh well.

Ps. That last photo is on the 'bad' (opposite side to the opera house) on the way home from work one night. Love Love LOVE Sydney. Couldn't imagine living somewhere else and being happy about it.

...All these photos are from my Instagram feed. Username renar27 if anyone is interested....

Tegan Lane

2011-05-30T23:29:00.001+10:00

If you don't know this story, check out here first.

It's a terrible story. Honestly.
But I'm fascinated. A lot.
I like things like this.
Murder and rape and torture and intrigue.
It's terrible to have to explain to people about the books I'm reading --of which this is probably the most "tame"--

There is no good way for this story to turn out.
But no one is talking.

Either she had this poor child and killed/murdered/"got rid of" her, and deserves to be locked up,
OR
She gave this poor child up, to someone. And she is being put away for something she didn't do.

I'm fascinated.

What makes someone do this?
What makes someone have *several* abortions in her teens/early twenties?
What makes someone think that she can become pregnant and not tell the fathers?
What makes someone give 2 beautiful babies up for adoption with no regard for the Childs or the fathers choice of knowing? **I think the fathers and adopted kids know of and have met each other but don't quote me**
What makes someone keep this all a secret?
What kind of pressure did she have on her?
What kind of pressure did she put on herself?
What if Tegan is out there wondering?
IF Tegan is out there, is she ok?
Is her family keeping her a secret? .
IF she is out there, what makes a family keep this a secret and allows someone to be put away for a long time for something they didn't do?

Like I said,
I'm fascinated.

So...

2011-05-20T21:42:00.004+10:00

**I apologize in advance for the mess that this post is going to be, but welcome to my brain at the moment**

Stuff is happening on the working front.
I dunno if its good stuff.
I hope its good stuff, but it has to be secret stuff for the moment.
At least until Tuesday.
Then i hope i will be happy.
I hope.
A lot.
A lot a lot.
Basically put it this way, if you are the praying type, please keep me in your thoughts.
I wouldn't normally ask, and I'm not being selfish, trust me. Trust me, I'm not.
I don't want to share just yet, but I may after Tuesday.

--------------------

In other news, hopefully in June, i will have paid a heap onto one of my credit cards, and it will be nearly gone.
People, this just leaves 2 left (not including the husbands one).
I would've paid more then half my debt off!!
(**Note** This relates to the work thing, so hopefully, hopefully this is still feasible.

-------------------

Ever had bed bugs?
I have. In my old, old, old house, and it was terrible.
Ever had chicken pox?
I have. Twice. It was just as awesome.
Now, i have neither of those right now, but I have the same annoyance in being itchy.
Ever had to use Aristocort?
I am now.
I have no idea what it's supposed to do, except make me stop scratching myself in my sleep to the point of bleeding - no, I'm not kidding or over exaggerating - but I'm not sure its working yet. If any of you out there have any encouragement with this, i would really love it.
To be honest, i just want to wake up with no more random scratches on me. :(

------------------------

It was my grandmas birthday last week.
My dads mum.
My dads dad passed away a lot time ago. Maybe 8 years ago.
My grandmas tough. And strong. And great.
I love my dads family. Mostly.
A lot.
I love that i happened to have a day off, so that i could spend the day (or part of it) with her and them.
She turned 80, or 78 or 74.
No one was really sure. Including her, mostly.
My grandma said her birth certificate says she was 80, but my dad and his brother, (my uncle) both said differently.
I love that that part of my family can spend the day insulting each other and that is love.
Love.
I love that we are drink (mostly) and have tattoos (mostly) and are all about the kids.
I realised that day that my dad wants to be a grandfather.
Or at least his face says he does.
My cousin had her (younger then 1) baby, and his face showed that he wanted to hold the baby, but the girls and the gays were always the first the baby went to.
But when dad held him, my gosh, his face changed.
It makes me sad that i can't give that to him now.
But not yet. Maybe soon. But that's all reliant on the first thing i wrote about...
Gosh, i love days spent with my family.

Now, I must go to bed, even though its only 10, and even though the husband is out partying, cause even though its Saturday tomorrow (oh! and the world is going to end...) i have work.
Its actually only my Tuesday today. Sigh.

I don't get it....

2011-05-03T15:50:00.004+10:00

This post will probably bring disgust and shame on you and all the other stuff, but I need to say it somewhere and no one is allowing me to IRL.

I don't get it.

I think that Obama is great (although not MY president, (cause I'm obviously not in the US, not because I wouldn't choose him) so my opinion is only based on what I see and not how it affects me), and I think that a lot of what he does our PM would like to be there with him.
But I don't get it.

He killed (or arranged the killing cause he didn't exactly do it himself, now) of Osama. And that's great.

But.... It doesn't end the wars.
It doesn't bring our soldiers (ALL our soldiers, not just the US troops he was referring to in his speech), home. It doesn't make them safe where they are. And to be honest, it doesn't exactly make us safe at home here either.

I think it actually kinda makes it worse.

Won't his underlings want to step up? Won't they want to avenge his death? Won't that (possibly) cause more fear?

I didn't understand the dancing in the streets that was going in the US when it was announced.
Yes, he was the 'mastermind', but he was still only one man.
His death doesn't automatically stop all the fear and craziness in the world.

Did it work with Saddam?

Now, I'm not the most religious person (anymore) but I have a lot of Christian friends and yesterday, I counted 1, just 1 person who wasn't delighted at the death of another person.
Again, I do understand who he is, but he is still just ONE man.

My friend posted this:

And this

And she was alone in this thinking.

Or at least fb status wise.

I just don't get it.

**please note: the reason I wasn't 'allowed' to say this IRL was because people had different opinions to me and weren't allowing me to express mine. I don't mind if you have a different opinion, we aren't robots for gosh sakes, but please don't disallow other opinions also**

Oh, ps. Was it grand or was it grand that he interrupted The Apprentice. Te he he he.

Realisations

2011-05-01T07:55:00.004+10:00

**Please note, I was awake til about 5am last night *and may have had a lot to drink* and its now 8am, i don't know why my body hates sleep today, all i know is that it does, let me apologize in advance**

So my husband turned 30 yesterday, and while he didn't want to celebrate it (except when it came to presents), that was cool. I was going to write a post on that, but its basically i got him an ipad, (cause I'm the best wife in the world), and a book he wanted, and a DVD that he bought and didn't tell me about, and some $$$ for comics. Best wife in the world right here.
My other friend had a party, and the husband decided that we were going to that.

Anyway, i wrote a post last night while i was lying in bed, on my phone, with one eye needing to be shut, cause otherwise i wouldn't have been able to see anything. And while it was full of misspellings, and in no form will be copied and pasted here, the premise is going to be. (is premise even the right word?!? - i don't even know)

I've realised that I don't really have the ability to talk to males, who I a) don't know (or at least not without a distraction b) males who i think may be attracted to me (again at least not with a distraction c) who I'm attracted to.
Give me a guy who knows I'm not available, a guy i have to work with, or a gay and I'm down. I can have conversations all night long.
But any of the other three, and i will make an excuse, any excuse to either talk about anything apart from myself, (or him) or make an excuse to leave the conversation. Just so i don't have to feel awkward.

I also hate HATE small talk. Or at least with people i don't know. I'd prefer to sit in silence with people i do know.

So anyway, last night, i noticed this guy notice me (please note, this is an option a) and b) issue here, not an option c) issue).
He seemed polite and while he introduced himself, (after a female friend was checking him out), i introduced myself *I'm not rude, gosh* and basically made an excuse to introduce said female friend. Who then said i was married, (no lie and i was thankful) and while i was talking to her about it, *kinda rudely, shut up*, he walked away.

But then later, he came back, and reintroduced himself and basically tried to converse with me, and i *rudely* made an excuse to go (upstairs, but really i just wanted to not be there).

Now, there was nothing wrong with this boy, (from the 5 seconds of conversation i had with him), but i just found it so awkward, that i wanted to do anything to end the awkward.

And i don't know why.
I have this issue with guys that I'm attracted to as well.
I can talk to everyone around them, but one on one, (at least when people are around), pffft. Nothing. Give me any excuse.
I'm 15 again.

It sucks.

And at this time i had had a ton to drink (PS. two litres of Vodka and a litre of Midori were taken to be shared with 4 people. It all was gone which is why I'm home at all), so i can't even say i didn't have dutch courage, (again, is that even the right word?!?)

Like i said, it sucks.

--------------------------------------

In other news, apart from that, i had a fantastic night.
I can't even remember the last time i went out drinking (partly trying to save money, partly I'm 50 and i don't like to get shit faced every weekend like other 25 year olds, partly i live in the middle of the city, so i see the drunks and the aftermath of the drunks every weekend).
But my gosh, i had a fantastic night.
I was with people i love (mostly), and while i didn't know some/most of the people, it was fun nonetheless.
AND!!
The best part of all, although i did drink a heck of a lot, and slept a teeny bit, my head is fine, not feeling hung over even a little.
I am a bit thirsty though.

Good times!

Lest We Forget

2011-04-25T09:35:00.002+10:00

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

Today is ANZAC day.
And as I'm writing this i can hear the bugle playing at the war memorial that's down the street. Chilling.
I shouldve been down there for the dawn service, but woke too late. Slack.

When i was younger i never really got today or Remembrance day.
I mean I always 'celebrated' them, at school and was made to be silent at home and stuff. But i never really got them.
When i was at school, it was just a time to sit for a minute in kid silence, (which was never silence at all, to be honest, someone always had to cough or sneeze or laugh), even in high school.

But now, i think about all the differences that couldve happened had it not been for those brave men (and women, who although they weren't in the war, they were brave at the home fronts). I think about if it was my dad lost on the Gallipoli beach, or my Pop. Or if it was them who came home and were different.

I don't know if my family had a part in any of the wars to be honest, I've never heard anyone speak about it and I've never asked. i don't know if that would make today any more or less severe for me now. I don't know if it would've made a difference when i was a kid.

I just know that I'm glad that those men (and women) were so brave then, so that i could be who i am now.

And while it will never be enough, I want to thank them.

So Thank You.
Thank You to the Men who fought and are still fighting on the war fields.
Thank You to the Men who fought and are still fighting the demons they got.
Thank You to the Women who stayed and braved those lonely nights, not knowing, hoping and Thank You to the Women who still do that today.
Thank You to the Families who were different after. Thank You for allowing your Fathers, Sons, Brothers bravery to save me, even if it meant a sacrifice to your life.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
Lest We Forget.

I need a funeral dress.

2011-04-06T01:23:00.000+10:00

I'm trying to be secretive on purpose, ps. – While I'm not aware of people I know IRL reading this, it is the internet after all.

I didn’t think that I was at the age where my friends/family were losing theirs.
I don’t want to be at this stage.
But I am.
At least for one of my loves.
We knew it was coming. It had been coming since I met them. Even before I met them.
It wasn’t a surprise.
At least not in the sense that it was coming.
But it had not come yet, so it was kind of a surprise.
Sudden. After not happening for so long.
When you are waiting for something for so long, it’s not expected.
So it was a shock.

I feel terrible for saying this, but it didn’t affect me directly, so I'm not sure how to deal with it.
I'm not a comforter. I don’t have that skill yet. And it’s terrible that I don’t. But I don’t.
I don’t know how I should be acting, cause it’s not direct to me.
I'm being polite and nice, and all the stuff that I think I should do, but I don’t know if I'm doing the right things.
I don’t want to do the wrong things, but I don’t know what they are, so I might.
I'm in the middle.
Being there, but not being there.

I need a funeral dress.

My Dream Home

2011-04-03T13:05:00.004+10:00

So, while the Husband and I are renting right now, I eventually want to buy a house, before we start having babies and such.
And when I say buy a house, my dream would be to build a house and live in it forever and have it become a 'family' house like my grandparents house was.
I loved that.

So, here is a list of all the things that I would love love love in my dream house.

~ A Library.
I would LOVE to have a whole room in my house that is just full of books. And comfy chairs or Love Sacs and it will just be wonderful. If i can't have a whole room, i would to have a long long hallway that has a whole wall of bookshelves. Heaven!
(And if i get a wall of books, I'm sure the Husband would want a wall of DVDs, {which we currently are on our way to, by the by} which is acceptable)

~ A Laundry Chute.
I hate laundry. I like putting it in the washer machine/dryer and sometimes I like folding it, but I HATE having to find the laundry and getting it together. If we had a chute i would never need to! Hurrah!
And this leads us onto the next thing.....

~ A Double Storey OR TRI Level house.
I am in love with the idea of a tri level house. In. Love. Not so much three completely separate levels, but say, a few steps just separating the different parts of the house.

~ A pool.
I want a pool. I personally probably wouldn't use it heaps. But I think that pools and backyard gathering go together like nothing else here, so of course its a must.

~ An amazing Kitchen.
I have no idea what makes an amazing kitchen, but family gatherings are always about food, no? :)
(All i really know, is its gonna have an amazing dishwasher.)

~ An {in ground} trampoline.
I love trampolines, and i think they are a must, whether we have kids or not. The in ground part is just safer {read boringer then the 80s one i grew up with}.

~ Ducted air con/heating.
It gets hot here. Real hot.
It also gets cold here. Real cold.

~ Ducted VACUUM Cleaner.
Yes, they have these and they are awesome. Imagine not having to lug a vacuum cleaner around you house, but just have to plug the tubey bit into the wall and away you go. Gonna happen.

~ A (or several) Mural Walls.
I have made one in every place we have lived. Not just photos, but cards, and hospital bands, and invitations, and random things that have drawn my eye. I would love to have one wall covered in Polaroids and another wall with framed photos, and another with random things. When people come over, it/they are my favourite thing to watch them look at, cause of all the wonderfulness. Love.

~ A Buddha shrine (?)
I don't know if 'shrine' is the right word, given who Buddha is and all, but ya know...
I love him. Don't know all the teachings and religion, (i guess?) behind him, but i love him. Currently, have a few including one from Japan, and i would love if he was featured throughout my house.

So far, that's my dream house.
Not a heck of a lot in the grand scheme of things, but the things that i love.
Hopefully, eventually, I'll get to make this dream house and I'll totally invite you round if you re in Sydney (or Melbourne, dunno where it will be to be honest), and I'll cook you something in my amazing kitchen, then you can swim in my pool and jump on my trampoline.
I might even take a photo of you and add it to my wall. :)

Oh, and just FYi, as far as the husband knows, is just that i want to build a house, he has NO idea about all this stuff. Soon enough.....

Bored... With life?

2011-03-19T21:24:00.001+11:00

I don't know what it is at the moment. But, I'm bored.
A lot.
With everything.
I go to work and I'm bored.
Not because the work is boring (although sometimes it is).
But because I'm bored with what I'm doing.
I try and distract myself and read the news, but nope.
Halfway through whatever article I read, over it.
I come home and am bored.
I watch some of my favourite tv and I can't watch it without doing something else as well.
And even then, bored.
I'm bored listening to my favourite music.
I'm bored cleaning my house.
I even went shopping the other day.
Shoe shopping.
Bored.
I didn't even end up buying myself any shoes! (and I actually really need them).
I can't even read a whole blog post from my favourite writers!

I just dont know what is wrong with me.

...

2011-03-06T18:37:00.004+11:00

Sitting at home alone watching bad tv.
Terrible tv.
Have been all weekend.
Husbands away.
Again.
Its hard.
Boring.
Lonely.
And all the plans I make for myself, things that I can do, will do, want to do, alone, I don't.
Somehow I don't have the time.

It was Mardi Gras weekend this weekend.
Our Mardi Gras isn't like the New Orleans Mardi Gras.
Or at least, I don't think it is.
I haven't investigated it that much.
Let's just assume I'm right.
Even though it was just down the street from my house (literally, I could see the rehersals from my balcony), I didn't go to it.
It was also on tv.
I didn't watch it though.
Well, actually, i did flip the channels and i saw my friend from work on the tv, with her gang.
Famous.
My work had a float in the parade too.
Apparently, it didn't get much airtime.

I've been having trouble at work lately.
I love my job (mostly).
I love my team mates (mostly).
But my boss has been bringing me (and my team) down.
I don't think on purpose.
At least I hope not.
But it hurts and I don't like it.
I know I hardly ever say good things about my job, but some people there, I really really love and basically think of them as family.
The family I had a choice with.

So, that Charlie Sheen is crazy, hey?
Entertaining, and has gorgeous kids, but my gosh.
Next...

This is my new favourite song.
I'm sure my neighbours are probably sick of hearing it.
Im sure my husband will be sick of hearing it when he gets home and updates his iphone, cause i downloaded it too.
Amanda (Fucking) Palmer.
<3

(EDIT: I don't know how to make it so the video is the proper size, so sorry, but listen anyway. Sorry, it looks ugly.)

2011-02-28T23:13:00.002+11:00

My TV is broken.
It plays sound, but no picture.
Wait, it plays picture for about a sec and then goes black.
The husband tells me,
"What are we going to do about the TV?"
I think (but don't say even though i really really want to),
"I guess I'll just get to work on my TV fixing skills, shall i?"
sigh.
We have another TV in the bedroom.
I think its enough.
He disagrees.
sigh.

Ps. Its done this before and it fixed itself, so hopefully, hopefully it'll do that again.
I'd rather that, then his choice, which is to go out and buy a new TV right now. Even though its 11.30 at night.
Like i said, sigh.

Dear, Dear, Dear....

2011-02-08T21:57:00.005+11:00

Dear followers,
I'm looking to follow more blogs, but i just spent a little while looking and all i found were boat blogs, (boring!) religious blogs (not interested) and mummy blogs (childless).
Help me!

Dear Husband,
When are you going to get home?
I did all the cleaning and washing already, so you have no chores.. ;)

Dear Work,
You are getting boring to me again.
I don't like it when i have to spend all day somewhere bored.

Dear Foxtel,
I have like 100 channels.
Why is it that the best thing on TV right now is "the Real Housewives"?!?

Dear one of my credit cards,
Hurrah!! You are gone!!

Dear a different credit card,
You are a quarter (or what i like to call a quarter) down, get ready to be gone!

Dear another different credit card,
I'm gonna be holding onto you a little while, sorry.

Dear Anyone,
Wanna clean my bedroom?
Its been in its current state for a little while... not a good state.

Dear Wet'n'Wild SYDNEY!!!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Friend whos baby i saw for the first time in real life recently,
Your baby has a adult face.
Not a baby face.
Its not ugly.
But its definitely not cute.
I'm sorry i mentioned it so much, but it freaked me out.
No, i will not post a photo.
More cause a photo doesn't show the adult face as much.

Little little letters

2011-01-29T19:21:00.000+11:00

Dear Work,
I generally love you.
Really.
But for the past 16 days, and the next 6 days, having only two {separate} days off, is just not enough.
Someone please remind me to never do this again.

Dear Little Sisters EX BF,
I hate you.
I hate you for making her cry.
I hate you for lying to her.
I hate you for blaming her for you lying to her.
I hate you for not being a man.
I hope that you realise that you lost a delightful delightful young Lady.

Dear Kelly Cutrone,
I fell a little bit in love with you from this show.
Then i saw you on this show.
Now, I'm watching you on this show...
I love you.
Ps. Don't judge my terrible tv watching habits... trust me, its worse. :)

Dear GREAT Coconut and Lime hand soap,
Thanks for being so delightfully good smelling.
Sorry mum, that you gave it to me for a Christmas present and i forgot about it til now.
{I did try and find a link or a picture but couldn't :( }

Dear HIMYM,
I love you.
I've probably said that before, but i don't care.

Dear Not Always Right,
You make me feel better about talking to stupid people at my job. :)

Dear {slutty} girls whose profile picture on FB is in a bikini,
You don't look good.
And if you did look good, you wouldn't need a picture of yourself in a bikini as your profile picture.

Dear Dad,
Happy 50Th for next weekend.
I hope you have a fantastic time.
I hope that I have made the last 25 years of your life better rather then worse.
I hope you like your present.
Love you.

Happy Australia Day!!

2011-01-26T21:36:00.003+11:00

So its Jan 26 today, (well, for me right now, anyway) which means it Australia Day for us. YAY!

I love Australia Day. I love Australia, so its a given that I LOVE Australia Day. (Greatest place on earth - just saying)

I had to work today, (SUCKS), so i didn't get to go celebrate out on the streets or anything fun like that, but living in the city - where people come to celebrate cause there is big festivities - i saw everyone coming in when i was leaving and hanging around when i came back in after work.

On my way to work it was great, loads of different people of different nationality's (is that what it is, if they are all Australian? Or is Cultures the right thing? They weren't all white Australians is all) all wearing the Australian flag, either as tattoos, shirts, hats or had flags.
It was a great feeling.

Then off to work....

Now my work has a dress code. No thongs. So sadly, even though they are iconic Aussie footwear, i didn't wear any. :(

BUT!
I did wear Jean shorts and a Bonds (wifebeater) singlet.
Iconic Australian Wear, i must say.
Sadly, i didn't wear a flag at all though. :(

Ive mentioned my work a few times here, basics are i work in a call centre, part of my job is to take calls from the offshore reps when they need help.
These are people in an Asian (i guess you would call it that?) country,that are trained to speak with an American accent to help Australian customers. Makes sense right?
Anyway, i no longer really notice the account, but today when they were wishing me a Happy Australia Day, and saying GoodDay (or i guess trying to say G'day) i noticed and it made me feel so much pride.
They aren't even in the country and the euthesium in their voices when they were saying it, was great. Just great.

Fast forward 6 hours or so......

I finish work and get home to find the husband has bought PRAWNS (NOT Shrimp) for tea. Yum!

....the only other acceptable thing to eat today is Lamb. Cooked on a barbeque, after being encouraged by these... Seriously watch them. I'll wait.

AND....
I managed to watch part of the fireworks in the reflection of buildings from my balcony.

So.

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY to you whereever you are. I hope your day is/was/will be fabulous.

People Suck

2011-01-25T18:09:00.004+11:00

So this article came out on the front page of the paper today.

Here is just a little bit:

HE'S a battler from Sydney's west, a factory worker whose dream is to win a share in Lotto and take his wife on her first overseas holiday.

But Ghazi Adra could also be the state's most honest man - finding $50,000 cash on a train seat, then handing it straight to police.

The money - a large bundle of $US100 notes stashed inside a cooler bag - would have been enough for Mr Adra to retire immediately and whisk his wife away on her dream trip.

But the 68-year-old insisted the cash had to be returned to its rightful owner. All he wants is a thank you.

Now, that's not the part where people suck.

This is where people suck:

Lets ignore the poor use of the English language, and look at these peoples attitude.
Who cares?
I would keep it?
I'm not gonna get caught, so its ok?
She must be stupid?

Come on now.

People suck.

For the record, in that picture, I'm R. The only one saying that they would hand it in.
In the article, there was a poll, and last i saw, it was 55% hand it back. ONLY 55%.

The world is going down the crapper and right here is your reason why. SMH.

And while we are talking about sucking.
I just called (one of) my banks, BankWest.
I have a loan with them. I set up my loan to come out on my payday.
It was fine until about 2 months ago. Then it started coming out randomly and overdrawing my account.
So i called them.
Lets just say, after working in a call centre and having customer service, i was not impressed.
When a customer has to make a suggestion, because the Rep is telling me to go to my actual bank - who can't help me anyway - to fix the problem, even though it was fine til 2 months ago, that ain't great.
Then when i make the suggestion, and the Rep is a right C* word, ain't good either.
If you happen to be in Australia and read this, go with someone else.
If you are already with them, change. Fast.

Ten Days - Day Ten

2011-01-25T15:16:00.000+11:00

Day Ten: One confession.

Some days i wish my whole life was different. That i had different parents, or the same ones that stayed together. That i had different siblings, or the same ones with different parents. That i had a different upbringing. That i went to a different school. That i had different opportunities. That i had a different job. That I had a different husband. Or no husband. That i didn't have to grow up. That i could still be young and not an old 25. That i had different experiences. That my whole life was different.

And then i think.
I like me.
And its ok.

Ten Days - Day Nine.

2011-01-23T22:03:00.000+11:00

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

I dont really 'do' smileys, so instead im gonna do this:

VIA.

LOVE <3

Ten Days - Day Eight

2011-01-21T22:03:00.000+11:00

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

1. Manners - I'm just an old fashion gal, and i like manners.
2. Entertainment/Laughter - I get bored SUPER easy, so if you keep me entertained AND make me laugh. BING BING BING, we have a winner!
3. Massages - Who doesn't love them?

I know that these were probably supposed to be "other" type of turn ons, but im a private lady. :)

Ten Days - Day Seven.

2011-01-19T22:03:00.000+11:00

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

1. Stupidity - not only that, but non willingness to learn
2. Non Family love - if you have no love for your family, then i got no love for you
3. DisRESPECT - but doesn't everyone just want a little...?
4. Rudeness - If you have no manners, you have no me.

:)

Ten Days - Day Six.

2011-01-17T22:03:00.000+11:00

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

1. The husband
2. The family - (I have 2 sisters, a brother, a mother, a father and a stepmother - more then 5 right there ;) )
3. The husbands family (even more then mine)
4. Danielle and her 3 kidlets
5. Balamino - An amazing girl who also has a blog

Ten Days - Day Five.

2011-01-15T22:02:00.000+11:00

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

1. I wish i had paid off my loan when i had the $$ and not splurged on crap.
2. I wish i had never gotten anything using credit cards.
3. I wish i hadn't rebounded when i was young.
4. I wish i hadn't ended things badly with an ex's family.
5. I wish i hadn't given up my studies.
6. I wish i hadn't just let pass friends go.

Help.

2011-01-15T18:25:00.007+11:00

Before I start my Ramblings, I need to make you aware of what's going on in good old Oz.
I don't know whether y'all get news about what is going on here, or if you even watch the news, but it's big.
At the moment, we are having HUGE floods. HUGE.
Think about it this way, at first, an area the size of Texas was flooded in Queensland.
This got bigger. Still in Queensland.

This is an old map I found, but its gotten worse since this was made.

Peoples houses, cars, boats have been destroyed.
Peoples lives have been lost.
At the moment, the death toll stands at 16.
But there are many, many people missing, that were swept away, so they expect that number to rise, unfortunately.
They are also saying that some bodies may never be found.
My heart breaks for those people.

Not much notice was given to people.
In one report I read, the water rose 3m (approximate 10 feet) in 10 mins.
Imagine that.

And now, Victoria is flooding.
And South Australia.
And small parts of New South Wales.

We might even sink soon. I hope not, cause i love it here.

You can learn more here.

But we do need help.

You can help by donating here.

Now, i know what you may be thinking.
Australia isn't a third world country.
Australia wasn't that affected by the GFC, they must be able to help themselves.

The third world country bit is true.
So is the GFC thing.

But we do need help.

Imagine your home, being flooded to the very top of its roof and having to scramble to the roof to be safe.
Imagine seeing your house ripped apart from the force of the water.
Imagine seeing your neighbours house float by - possibly with them still in it.
Not knowing.
Not knowing where your friends are.
Not knowing where your family may be.
Not knowing when your personal belongings are. Your photos, your memories.
Not knowing where you are going to sleep tonight. Tomorrow. The next week. Month. Possibly year.

And ask yourself.
Would i want people to help me?
Would i help my neighbour?
Would i ask for help for my family?

And help.

If you still aren't sure, read this story. And this one. And this one may bring tears.

And help. Please.

This is the only photo that has made me smile in this whole situation.

More photos can be found here.
Thats where i have gotten these.

Thank you.

Ten Days - Day Four.

2011-01-13T22:02:00.000+11:00

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

1. Where's my phone?
2. Why do people use the stupid Check in Feature on FB?
3. Why is no one doing any work at work?
4. I wonder how much I'm gonna get paid this week? ~I get paid different every week~
5. I wish someone would come and clean my house.
6. I hope my dress is appropriate for the wedding.
7. What am i gonna eat for tea?

Seriously, these are the things that cross my mind the most. At least lately.

Ten Days - Day Three.

2011-01-11T22:02:00.000+11:00

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

So... I can't really think of eight ways to win my heart, so instead I'm gonna list.....
Eight places i want to visit.

1. Great Wall of China - I wanna walk some of it, i don't think i could do it all.
2. Venice - although boats freak me out now, so i don't know if i could enjoy it totally.
3. Rome - Cause its totally beautiful.
4. New Orleans - Cause its crazy.
5. Vegas - For obvious reasons.
6. Machu Picchu - My friend is from Peru, plus AMAZING.
7. Angkor Wat in Cambodia - i LOVE old religious places
8. Disneyland/World - either will do, I just wanna be a little kid again. :)

Ten Days - Day Two

2011-01-09T22:01:00.000+11:00

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

1. Im a very old 25
2. I NEED noise.
3. I hate being lazy, but i like feeling lazy.
4. I wish i could do more for others.
5. I hate ringtones. Any and ALL.
6. I might be a little in love with terrible reality tv.
7. My favourite song of ALL TIME is here.
8. I LOVE 90% of the people i work with, and i think its super strange that people aren't normally as close as i am with people they work with.
9. I wish i was more brave.

Ten Days - Day One

2011-01-07T21:59:00.000+11:00

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1. "You make me laugh so much, but how can you be SO Stupid?"
2. "I DO not know you, I may speak to you every day for work, but i have not met you IRL, so i do not know you."
3. "I wish you would understand."
4. "I don't want to see TRON. Ever"
5. "I wish we knew each other better"
6. "Don't Fret, it will work out"
7. "I want to see your ring and your ring right now please"
8. "I quit"
9. "Thank you for being you - I hope you are or get to be ok"
10 "Can i have a foot massage please? But dont touch my feet"

Christmas, 2010, and all the rest

2011-01-06T23:33:00.003+11:00

Part 3.

So on Boxing day we have a family get together with my Dads family, at my Grandmas.
For as long as i can remember, we would always go there, see my Grandma, Pop, Aunts, Uncles, and all my cousins.
My grandma and Pop lived in the same house they bought my Dad, Uncles and Aunt up in, so its great.

I have missed these for the last few years. Either through having to work, or being down with the Husbands family. While i didn't really mind it, I missed my Grandma. A lot.

My Pop passed away a few years ago, so my grandma has moved houses and its different now.

We tried going to Aunts/Uncles houses instead of my Grandmas but it wasn't the same, so we always came back to her house. (Also there is a bit of infighting within the family -what family doesn't have that?- so if it was at this persons house, this person wasn't going to show etc etc).

This year, my little sister had to work, so she didn't come, and my older sister was hanging out with my Mum, so she didn't come either. Just Dad, Kez, my Brother and Me.

Now, keep in mind, the last time i saw all the family, it was a few years ago.

So, We show up and yeah...

Throughout the day, some of my cousins showed up.
One of my cousins is 19.
(18 is the drinking age here, keep that in mind).
My cousin was bragging all about how she goes out and drinks all weekend. OK, i thought... 19 yr olds do that...
Then she started talking about how she has plans for the future..
Her plans, you may ask?
She aspires to be one of the following:
~ Playmate of the year 2012.
~ A Jim Beam Party Girl
~ A Jager girl

Now, i know what you re thinking.
Surely, she can't be serious.
Oh, but she is.
My gosh.

Next up, she was talking about how she couldn't eat lunch, as then she would have to have ONE WHOLE EXTRA DRINK in order to get drunk that night.
Indeed she did vocalise this to everyone who was eating.

Well then.

The rest of the day was great.
Got to spend some great time with family i haven't seen in ages and it was good.

----------------------------------
Sisters Birthday.

So for my sisters birthday, we were to have lunch with my Dad, Kez, other Sister and Brother, and then have Dinner with my Mum.

We ended up doing those things, and had a couple of drinks on the way too.
Apart from spending time with ALL my family that day, there wasn't really anything majorly major happen. Apart from the birthday and cake eaten of course.
But a good day was had.

OH! Almost forgot. Got her the most amazing card ever.

Awesome no?

Christmas, 2010, and all the rest

2011-01-06T22:00:00.002+11:00

Part 2

Christmas.
My awesome dad woke me and my sister up. Early. Not on purpose. But it was early. Like before 8am.
None of us are "children children" anymore. My youngest sister is 15, brother is 17 and my older sister is 27 (or was on the 27th of December). So none of us have that, wake up really early , has Santa arrived yet, excitement. Its generally about spending the day together for us - or at least for me anyway.
Plus we usually have to wait for my older sister to arrive to do the presents thing together anyway, and she is ALWAYS late.

This time, we didn't wait. And it was good.

Just a little background...

My Dad and Step mum (Kez) have been together since i can even remember. Whenever i have a memory of my dad, i have a memory of Kez also being there. I'm 25. That's how long they have been together. But they have only been engaged. Never married. Could never really afford it. (To be honest, Kez kept saying on Christmas day how long they have actually been together, but i have forgotten).

So, My dad is usually the one who plays "Santa". He usually hands out the presents, but no Santa suit.
This year, he said someone else to do it, My brother volunteered*.
While i don't have any pictures of the tree, we usually have presents underneath and IN the tree, Dad had bought Kez something from the jewelery store and put it IN the tree, in its original jewelery bag.
So of course, my brother gave that one out first, cause we all wanted to see what was in it. :)

My dad wrote a cute hand made Christmas card saying something like, "I love you, This is the year, pick a date" (I don't remember exactly, but it was super sweet AND he is super known for not showing emotions). That set Kez off on the tears. Happy tears, of course.
Then she opened the present and in it was two wedding rings.
Crying. Crying. Crying.

We were all happy, and it was great.

Then she opened the present that me and the husband got her.
This.

Only with our initials. My two sisters, brothers and dads.
It can be found here if you want your own, i would recommend it!
This caused more tears!
While my older sister and i may never have realised it, she loved it so much, cause I had put our initials on it, (my younger sister and brother are her blood), she was so happy, cause we had 'accepted' her.

THEN!! (YES, it does get EVEN better!) My little Sister, who just got her first job this year, decided she wanted to get everyone their own present from her, with her own money - BLESS!- and she got my Dad and Kez a calender with photos of our whole family on each of the months, and a picture of each of us on all our birthdays. It was the sweetest thing ever.

LOVE.

The rest of the day was spent eating and drinking (tequila shots are always fun.) and just spending time together.

LOVE.

Part 3 continues onto Boxing day, and the 27Th which is my sisters birthday.

*He volunteered, as i found out later, as knew that he was getting clothes for Christmas and had gone out the weekend before... Needing clothes to go out, he opened one of his presents early, worn the clothes, washed them, wrapped them back up and stuck them back under the tree. Sneaky one, my brother.

Christmas, 2010, and all the rest

2011-01-05T23:46:00.000+11:00

Part 1.

So i haven't posted in a wee while, and that was mainly 'cos i had no computer, but i thought i would come back. :)

Christmas.
Christmas was amazing. I don't think that i have heard anyone say they had a bad Christmas- wait, i had one friend who got sick on Christmas, apart from that. It seems it was great for everyone.

Ok. Christmas.
This was the first Christmas that i have spent away from the husband, since we have been together. He left to see his family in another state the morning of Christmas eve. I had to go to work that day and then i was off to see my family.
We usually do the whole, spend Christmas eve and Christmas morning/lunch with one family then on Christmas day, fly down/up to the other family and spend Christmas night and boxing day with the other family.
Loads of travelling.
I'm usually back at work on the 27th, (which is also my older sisters birthday-the 28th is our nieces too), so I'm spending almost every second of my 'holidays' travelling. Full on.

But this year, we were separated. It was hard. At first.
Then i got distracted by work and travelling to see my family and distracted by them, and it was OK, cause we had sms, and phone calls, and it was hard, but OK.

So anyway, onto the good of Christmas.
Christmas Eve.
While i had bought the husband a present (even though we both said no presents), and sent it down to his families as a surprise, we have raffles at work for random things. Iphones, ipads, xbox kinnects, etc etc. No one (in my department) ever knows who wins, so we all think its a rort, but it doesn't stop me from buying a ticket.
So Christmas eve, work was quiet and one of my guy friends at work desperately wanted to win this raffle -he spent $40 on tickets. I was bored and had spare cash in my wallet, so i bought 3 tickets ($10).

I was supposed to finish work, but was bumming around, cause i was a little afraid of lugging my heavy bag chocked full of presents to the train -I do not know how Santa does it ;)- turns out while i was bumming around, my manager was looking for me, cause i had won the raffle.
What did i win, you may ask?

I'm not even certain what it does, can do, and i think its like an ipad, but meh.

But it made the husbands Christmas a little more surprising. I felt so so so bad for my friend who really wanted to win, and didn't though.

Then i travelled up to my family, saw my cousin and her little baby and it was a fantastic Christmas eve.

Christmas day will be continued in another post.
I was going to do it all in one post, but this was like 15 pages long.

Happy.

2011-01-02T20:52:00.005+11:00

There are a few things that have made me happy the past little while, and i thought that that would be a good starting point back here.

Lets start with me thinking of 10 things, and if i end up with more, hurrah!

1. Christmas. Was amazing. Will post about it later.
2. One of my credit cards is paid off - well, some of it was transferred to another card, (at a cheaper interest rate) but same same. 3 to go!
3. I'm mostly loving work at the moment. Plus....
4. I applied for a new job, and while it was scary to apply and now wait, its a good thing and it makes me happy.
5. The husband got me a new computer for Christmas, and i just spend some hours catching up on blogs. Happy.
6. I have my sister in laws wedding next week, and while i have a dress and shoes, i gotta get a whole bunch more stuff but I'm not stressed about it.
7. Started to watch HIMYM season something ( i can't remember which) and its all episodes i haven't seen yet.
8. Now, don't judge me here..... but Jersey Shore. I have Foxtel, (cable i guess) and recently discovered MTV was added to my package, and i watched Jersey Shore for the first time. So terrible i couldn't turn it off.
9. The Husband arranging and booking our next holiday. Bali. Yes, i may seem like a Bogan Orstrayan, but I'm not.
10. WEDDINGS. I have a bunch either this year, or in the coming years. And I'm super excited.
11. Out of the blue compliments. I don't usually like compliments, but it did make me feel good.
12. Clean Laundry. Esp fresh from the dryer.
13. Not loving the heat right now, but the storm we just had, and the thunder rumblings. Beautiful.
14. Sleeping through (almost) New Years. Had no plans, fell asleep on the couch, woke with 5 mins for the fireworks (which are actually just down the street from our house - but we be lazy), and hearing them outside and seeing them on the TV, and then going to bed right away.
15. The husband cooking me dinner. It took him awhile to get it started, but it will be delicious to eat.
16. Happy friends. I haven't (that i remember) have any get sad or cross or cranky since Christmas.
17. Lie to Me. When we finish HIMYM we got Lie to Me to watch and they are just both awesome.
18. Before I die, I want to... Even though some of these are so sad -the hospice ones especially- but they make me happy about life.

I am loving this year sick.
And i could probably continue this list, but my dinner and HIMYM is waiting for me.

2010-11-15T17:51:00.002+11:00

Its been so long since i have posted anything here.

I have been computer less. Well... Laptop less, we have two computers at home and i have a computer at work, so not really computer less.

I have kinda enjoyed being computerless. I mean, I do miss it a little, but its nice to come home and not jump straight on the laptop and be on it all night long. The husband and i have one of those relationships where we would both be on laptops and have the tv on, every night. I didn't hate it, but i would hate if we went back to that. He still has his, (which is what im on now), but its different.

I do miss blogging though. I need somewhere to put my thoughts and even though im not much of a writer, i would prefer it out then in. But actually writing with a pen and paper bores me. I could never be a proper writer.

Life is still the same. Wake up, work, come home, sleep. Most weekends we are too broke to do much, but spend time with each other, which is good, but i would like a time where we can do something 'fun' not just 'free'.

I am thinking about applying for a new job. With the same company, on pretty much the same salary, but its a more respected role, so we'll see how that goes. I'll probably bomb out in the interview,as usual. :)

I have come up with so much to write here while i have been able to, but now, while i have a chance to actually write, i find that i have nothing to say. Not nothing, but nothing of substance, nothing that someone will read and think that girl is a smart girl, an exciting girl, a girl i want to be. I dont mind so much. Lifes like that.

I think i have done a few more things on my list of 101 in 1001. Which is good.

Today is such a dreary nothing day. The weather the last week or so, has been such summer days, which i honestly, have had enough of. 30+ degrees on a daily basis get old, thats celecius people. BUt today, its a bit like a crappy winter day. Its been raining and it looks just like movie weather. Its even getting cold, which is great, it means i can actually use my washer and dryer and have clean clothes.

Thats all i really have. I have a few little letters to write up, but i might get some more togethor.

Sorry for such a crappy post. Honestly though, i do miss this.

A Walk to Remember

2010-10-02T06:25:00.004+10:00

Morning y'all.

Here it is almost half six and I have been awake for almost 2 hours already. Did I mention it was also Saturday?

I don't normally wake up this early, but this thing called work, yeah, that made me get up this early. But it’s OK, and this post is a positive.

I love walking to work, I mean, I don't walk that far, probably not even a kilometre, but it’s the only exercise I do, so I like it.
It also gives me time to think. Time to reflect and time to think about my day/week/year/life. A lot of thinking gets done on that walk.
I appreciate when a work mate sees me and offers me a lift, but I like my thinking time.

Sometimes I just listen to music and drift off, am oblivious to the world around me, and sometimes just for a few steps, I close my eyes. Have you ever done that, be walking out in public and close your eyes while you walk?
I do it often. When I'm alone, that is.
I thought I was the only person who did it, but then I twitter'ed it and a friend of mine also admitted he did it too. I don't know what it is, but it feels like I'm dreaming or something. Do it, next time you’re in public, but alone and walking. Just even to see what it’s like.

I feel like my attitude on my walk is going to play how I am for the rest of the day. And most of the time it works out that way.

Sometimes I have conversations in my head with the people I work with. Usually they are good conversations. Sometimes not.

Today, I thought about my life and why I am the way I am. And I wrote this part of this post in my head, so if it’s muddled and jumbled welcome to my head.

If someone was to ask me to why I am the way I am, and how I got about this way, this would be my answer.

My life hasn't been easy. Not the hardest life ever, but not easy either. My life has been scarred from experiences. Some bad - heartbreak, neglect -somewhat-, divorce, molestation, choices, hurt, and pain. (Hurt being emotional, pain being physical). But also, good - love, happiness, amazing friendships, great -somewhat- family. Now while the bad doesn't outweigh the good, it did make me who I am, and I don’t know if I would have liked the person I was without it. The good only made the person I am better. I like me. I like the person I am. I like my life.
While I have things that people may strive to get - a house (rented, but mine), a husband, a job, good hair (sometimes) and travel. I also strive to get things that others have as well. And while I don’t have these things now, I know that the person I am will help me get those things.
And I like that. I like me.

And its reasons like this, I like my walk to work, it makes me think of things like this. It makes me realise that yes, it may be hard now, but it will be good again. Life is good. Always. Even when you think it’s not.
Life is good.
Appreciate.

Ps. I know that the title is a movie, but as lame as it is, I saw this movie with an awesome friend of mine, and I'm pretty sure it was the first movie that made me cry.

PPs. Also, this is the first day of two weeks where I have to start work at 7am. I hope this attitude continues. And if I can be this upbeat this early in the morning, none of y'all have any excuses.

Random Ramblings

2010-09-16T14:51:00.003+10:00

Still have no computer. Except for blogging this is better for me. Except for blogging, that is. I miss reading blogs and some days, i just want to do that at work, but can't. Sigh. I don't think I'm in a rush to get a new one or get this one fixed even though the husband says it'll only cost about $50.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been sick for a month. A WHOLE MONTH!!! I have had a stupid cough and i was stupid and didn't really go to the doctors til i had to. Those pills started to work, but then stopped. Also, they gave me a PUFFER! My gosh, i had never had one of those before. I felt so so stupid. I went to the doctors again and they gave me other drugs, nothing. So i went back today and had to get chest xrays ---Have you all ever had one of those?? Strange--- and a blood test. They think i might have whopping cough. It kills me cause i have to miss my cousins baby shower. This makes me cry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think i love this new show. Toddler and Tiaras. Its so bad its good. If you hate stage mums, you will HATE this show, but i think i love it. Some of the little girls (and boys) are just so darn cute!! Its on the lifestyle channel here, and i am so glad we have foxtel just for that channel alone.

While I'm talking about foxtel, they really need to fix up the channels after the 'storm'. Still broken foxtel, tut tut.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't you hate it when you have a plan in your head, but it takes time and you have no patience? That's me right now. I have a plan to pay off my credit cards and in theory its great. Its just not happening as fast as i would like. I wish i won the lotto. I wouldn't ask for too much. Just $25,000, AND that's not even enough to cover all my debt, just 70% (not ALL credit cards, don't judge), which is enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I want a roast dinner for tea tonight. Does someone want to come to my house and cook one for me please? I will even let you stay and eat some AND I'll do the cleaning up after. That's an offer you can't say no to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really love the shows, Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie, but gosh, i can not stand the 'new' Darren. No, no, no, no, no, its just not the same.

Update to 101 in 1001

2010-09-03T15:18:00.000+10:00

So this is a follow up to this post

Here is the list that i made in that post.

1. Travel overseas - DONE
2. Buy a new pair of boots - was hoping to do this in NZ, but no luck. :(
3. Donate my time
4. Go to a christening - DONE
5. See some of my old friends
6. See the snow - and possibly ski - DONE well, the seeing the snow part, not the ski part
7. Go sky diving - KINDA DONE I was counting the freefall as this and while i didn't do it for the full 3 mins, i did attempt it.
8. Go on a picnic
9. Taste some different food -DONE
10. Have a CLEAN house (not done - i should be cleaning now, instead I'm writing posts).
11. Be happy
12. Comment on at least 10 blogs
13. Go out to Dinner
14. Laugh
15. Cry - DONE
16. Give all my spare change to the bank and hope there is more then $100 in there
17. Try something new - DONE - Zorbing AND Shweebing
18. Go to a museum
19. Go the Zoo
20. Hang out with some children
21. Make THEM laugh
22. Play Hide and Seek
23. Go on a Scavenger hunt
24. Unpack my house completely (This is a hard one, TRUST ME)
25. Go out for drinks
26. Learn something new
27. Watch the news for the WHOLE hour
28. Appreciate
29. Cook the boy tea - DONE
30. Go a whole day without my phone on me
31. Swing on a swing
32. Go to a game - whether its my brother football or sisters soccer or a professional game, any game
33. Pay off at least 2 of my credit cards (yeah, i have more then 2, don't be judging)
34. Go out to a meal with friends.
35. Have dinner at my house - WHICH IS COOKED HERE
37. Watch the sunrise
38. Watch the sunset
39. Buy some new clothes just to donate them
40. Get a pet (hopefully)
40a. If i can't get a pet, adopt a pet
41. Go for a bike ride
42. Give up chocolate for a week
43. Be thankful
44. Grow old (I was 25 on the 5th, so I'm getting there. GAH!)
45. See more of my beautiful country.
46. Go to the movies - DONECan i just add, i can not remember the last time i saw a GOOD movie - honestly.
47. Talk to people more then SMS
48. Win money - whether it be a little or A LOT, on a lotto ticket or on roulette, i wanna win some somehow.
49. Allow myself to make mistakes
50. Get a new computer
51. Read 33 books
52. Go to the beach
53. Go bowling - Lawn bowling and ten pin bowling
54. Go see the Three Sisters
55. Cook Churros
56. Stay in a hotel - DONE How awesome is room service?!?
57. Make a sand castle
58. Learn how to knit or cross stitch
59. Eat a macroon
60. Go to a filming of something
61. Go to a fancy restaurant
62. Sing karaoke
63. Ride a horse
64. Take more photos
65. Hold a new newborn
66. Hang upside down on monkey bars
67. Get a new phone
68. Have an impromptu photo shoot day
69. Teach someone something they didn't know *NOT related to my job*
70. Not wash my hair for 2 weeks
71. Get lost in a maze
72. Go watch a court case
73. Go to the ANZAC march
74. Get another tattoo
75. Select a random place on the train ticket machine and see what it has to offer
76. Donate blood
77. Get drunk
78. Visit Gallipoli - if i don't do this within 1001 days i would love to go there for 2015
79. Go a MONTH without fast food
80. Listen to music everyday for at least a month
81. See a musical
82. Go a weekend without using the Internet
83. Wear short shorts out in public
84. Go camping - even if its a tent in the lounge room :)
85. Go a week without chocolate.
86. Dress up like Wonder Woman - just once
87. Listen
88. Climb a tree
89. Build a fort
90. Go fishing
91. Take a day off work and give adventuring
92. Climb a mountain - whether a mountain mountain, or a mountain of leaves/dirt/snow
93. Spend a weekend watching 80's movies
94. Dress real nice then go out to eat at a fast food place - ala The Simpsons
95. Play a round of golf - possibly with my dad and brother
96. Go a day without Twitter
97. Go a weekend without Facebook
98. Spend a weekend watching Disney movies
99. Go ice skating
100. .....
101. .....

91 things left to do! (I thought i had done a lot more things on this list....)

Wow.

2010-08-30T16:47:00.000+10:00

This is another holiday post, but a holiday post that i wanted to keep separate to the previous one, cause my feelings while doing this were high.

We decided to go to a Hangi and we heard a LOT of good things about. So we went to that one, and it was AMAZING. I'm a little bit sad that i don't remember the name of the place, cause y'all should go there. It was the most wonderful food ever.

Cooked in the ground, for like 8 hours, under all this.

But, in a way, I'm glad i don't remember.

Before the food, we were taken on a walk through the area around to see a show, while the food was finished.

This is the part i wasn't sure about. Basically the show was about the Maroi culture and some of the songs that they sing and dances and things like that. Sounds alright on paper, right?

That's what i thought. I thought that i would learn some things that i didn't know and that would be that.

Here are some of the photos that the husband took, just so you know what I'm talking about.

Now, i may be kinda a hypocrite for what i write next, but I'm going to say it anyway.

There were maybe 60 people including us, at this dinner and show. They were all mostly also taking photos.

Towards the end of the show, the leader of the show tried to teach us a song and dance.

About halfway through the show, i was thinking to myself that this was amazing, and interesting and all those other things that you would say if you were in a museum, only these were people. These were real people who's life may not be like this completely now, but was at one stage. These are real people and we are staring at them like they are in a zoo. These are real people and people are taking photos like they aren't real. These are real people and real history that we are kinda making fun of, by learning and laughing about this.

And i felt bad. I felt bad for watching, i felt bad that paid money to see this, and i felt bad that i didn't go along with learning this dance and song and i felt bad that i felt bad about all these things.

I felt like i disrespected them. I felt like i had wore a hat in a church, or didn't wear a head scarf in a Muslim mosque (is that what they are called?).

And i know that these people have a business doing this daily, and they might enjoy it, and everything like that.
But i felt like i had disrespected their past and their culture.

I don't want to say that i regret going to it, because it made me look at myself. But i don't know how i feel about it all now.

Holi-day cele-brate!!

2010-08-30T13:51:00.012+10:00

The first two weeks of August I was in New Zealand.
I went there with the husband and the older sister. Other people were supposed to come too, but let's not go into that.
The plan was to go do the fun north island stuff with the sister and then the husband and me fly to the south island so he could ski (and I could relax).

Fun stuff we had decided on before leaving were:
~'indoor' out door ski diving (or freefalling)
~ zorbing
~and see a kiwi

Pretty basic stuff. Pretty fun stuff too. Or so I thought.

So, we left Sydney at some gosh forsaken hour, (the flight was at 7am, but with customs and stupid things like that minus 3 hours and that's when we had to be there). So sleepy.
Sister and I tried really hard to stay awake all night but failed...

We got a ginormous A380 and it was magnificent. You could choose from about 50 different movies to watch, free food, hot towels, 100 different games to play on your screen and free pillows!! Compared to jetstar (the basic airline I usually fly) it was like heaven. Downside was cause I had to get up so early, I slept through most of the flight. :(

Can I just interject here and say my older sister (who is almost 30) HAS NEVER BEEN ON A PLANE BEFORE?!? So going overseas for her first time even on a plane was quite funny. She was asking all these odd questions that I can't remember now, but they made me laugh.

We landed in Auckland, which looked pretty nice when we drove through it. Kinda like Sydney but with different shops. Nothing too unusual, although we don't have Wendy's.

Then on the way to Rotorua. Smelly was one description of it. So bad that you had to cover your face all the time. Cold was another.

While, yes, it did smell (like egg fart for those asking, or just like dirty boy if you have brothers), you totally got used to it. Even when we went to the mud pool things, it really wasn't hugely bad.
And cold, yeah, I guess, but I got away with wearing single tops under my normal jackets and wasn't overly cold. I think i wore my gloves once.
BUT it was beautiful.
So if any of you are thinking about going and people are talking you out of it, ignore them.

Now, onto the fun stuff.
Freefalling/'indoor' outdoor ski diving

Any mouth breathers reading? If so, you will die doing this.

The sister saw this on Kendra and thought it looked like amazing fun. Think about normal sky diving, only take away the plane and add in a wind machine from the ground. A giant wind machine. A grandpa giant wind machine. Now imagine being super afraid of heights and having to climb over netting that was about 10 metres above this giant wind machine. Scary.
Now imagine them turning the wind machine on and your face getting blown almost off and not being able to breathe out your mouth but your floating - somewhat. Seems like fun right?
The husband and the sister enjoyed it sorta. But the workers seemed like they were having fun on it, so I think it's the sorta thing you gotta get used to, but it's hard to get used in 3 mins.

We went on this other thing at the skydiving/freefall place. It was
called a shweeb and that was pretty fun, like and upside down bike, but not. The husband enjoyed it so much we went back there and he
ended up 3rd in his age group ever.

Another day we went to this awesome lion/animal park. There were signs all up everywhere, 'come play with loin cubs' and pictures of cute little baby lions. So we thought that would be cool. We were maybe thinking that the signs might have been not so truthful, cause really they
can't make the lions be knocked up all the time so they ALWAYS have cubs, so we were doubtful.
So we got there and went in search of the baby lions.
AND WE WERE IN LUCK!!
They had little baby Ella, who was 6 weeks old, and oh so cute. And Chase who was 6 months old and bigger then a Doberman. But both I wanted to take home. Too bad they wouldn't be allowed on the plane. :(

This is 6 month old Chase.

Ella trying to get up onto Sisters lap

Little Ella.

The husband and the sister were even able to hold little Ella but then
people came and I wasn't allowed.

Jerks.

Now onto another day...

ZORBING
THE BEST MOST FUN THING EVER!!

Ok, i could explain this in words, but rather then do that, i will just show you pictures.

But if i could explain it, i would say, the type of zorbing we did was like a water slide inside a big bubble. But check out the link for a better description.

PS. You may notice that we are wearing different clothes in some of these photos. Thats because we had so much fun, we went back a second day.

PPS. Also, i know that one of the photos is doubled, but im stupid and can't work out which one from the HTML (?) junk that shows as photos. Dont judge me.

So that was some of the super fun stuff we did. The second week, the boy went skiing twice, and then we just hung out in Queenstown, which was pretty cool. But not too many photos.
We also did a bunch of other things in the first week, but i think that this post is long enough.

EDIT: Ok, so just re reading this, i realised that i made no mention of seeing Kiwis at all. We totally did, but because they were nocturnal, we weren't allowed to take pictures, so here are some i have found earlier.

I went on an awesome holiday but can't blog about it...

2010-08-24T13:20:00.003+10:00

Not because it was secret or anything like that, but because my stupid computer broke two days before i went on it, and my work doesn't like me to not work at work, so i can't blog there.

So EVENTUALLY a great blog post about my super fun awesome holiday will be written, (that is kinda half written on my phone) and you will all enjoy it.

Meanwhile, this is the first chance that i have gotten to even READ blogs since before August started and i think im a little scared.

101 in 1001

2010-07-05T16:47:00.027+10:00

In 1001 days it will be...

Tuesday April 5, 2013
**I may be a little off, it took me a few days to think of 101 things**

Which is

Approx 2.74 years
OR 143 weeks
OR Approx 33 months
OR Approx 24,000 hours
OR Approx 1,441,440 Min's
OR Approx 86,486,400 Seconds

Away.

And hopefully i will have done, if not all, but most of these things.

1. Travel overseas
2. Buy a new pair of boots
3. Donate my time
4. Go to a christening
5. See some of my old friends
6. See the snow - and possibly ski
7. Go sky diving
8. Go on a picnic
9. Taste some different food
10. Have a CLEAN house
11. Be happy
12. Comment on at least 10 blogs
13. Go out to Dinner
14. Laugh
15. Cry
16. Give all my spare change to the bank and hope there is more then $100 in there
17. Try something new
18. Go to a museum
19. Go the Zoo
20. Hang out with some children
21. Make THEM laugh
22. Play Hide and Seek
23. Go on a Scavenger hunt
24. Unpack my house completely (This is a hard one, TRUST ME)
25. Go out for drinks
26. Learn something new
27. Watch the news for the WHOLE hour
28. Appreciate
29. Cook the boy tea
30. Go a whole day without my phone on me
31. Swing on a swing
32. Go to a game - whether its my brother football or sisters soccer or a professional game, any game
33. Pay off at least 2 of my credit cards (yeah, i have more then 2, don't be judging)
34. Go out to a meal with friends.
35. Have dinner at my house - WHICH IS COOKED HERE
37. Watch the sunrise
38. Watch the sunset
39. Buy some new clothes just to donate them
40. Get a pet (hopefully)
40a. If i can't get a pet, adopt a pet
41. Go for a bike ride
42. Give up chocolate for a week
43. Be thankful
44. Grow old (I was 25 on the 5th, so I'm getting there. GAH!)
45. See more of my beautiful country.
46. Go to the movies
47. Talk to people more then SMS
48. Win money - whether it be a little or A LOT, on a lotto ticket or on roulette, i wanna win some somehow.
49. Allow myself to make mistakes
50. Get a new computer
51. Read 33 books
52. Go to the beach
53. Go bowling - Lawn bowling and ten pin bowling
54. Go see the Three Sisters
55. Cook Churros
56. Stay in a hotel
57. Make a sand castle
58. Learn how to knit or cross stitch
59. Eat a macroon
60. Go to a filming of something
61. Go to a fancy restaurant
62. Sing karaoke
63. Ride a horse
64. Take more photos
65. Hold a new newborn
66. Hang upside down on monkey bars
67. Get a new phone
68. Have an impromptu photo shoot day
69. Teach someone something they didn't know *NOT related to my job*
70. Not wash my hair for 2 weeks
71. Get lost in a maze
72. Go watch a court case
73. Go to the ANZAC march
74. Get another tattoo
75. Select a random place on the train ticket machine and see what it has to offer
76. Donate blood
77. Get drunk
78. Visit Gallipoli - if i don't do this within 1001 days i would love to go there for 2015
79. Go a MONTH without fast food
80. Listen to music everyday for at least a month
81. See a musical
82. Go a weekend without using the Internet
83. Wear short shorts out in public
84. Go camping - even if its a tent in the lounge room :)
85. Go a week without chocolate.
86. Dress up like Wonder Woman - just once
87. Listen
88. Climb a tree
89. Build a fort
90. Go fishing
91. Take a day off work and give adventuring
92. Climb a mountain - whether a mountain mountain, or a mountain of leaves/dirt/snow
93. Spend a weekend watching 80's movies
94. Dress real nice then go out to eat at a fast food place - ala The Simpsons
95. Play a round of golf - possibly with my dad and brother
96. Go a day without Twitter
97. Go a weekend without Facebook
98. Spend a weekend watching Disney movies
99. Go ice skating
100. .....
101. .....

So i couldn't think of 101 things, just 99. But if you want to suggest something, I'll be willing to think about them.

PS. Some of these i KNOW i already am doing, but its not cheating at all. ;p

Sometimes...

2010-05-30T13:37:00.005+10:00

...i wish you would take my side for once
...i wish it was you who compromised and not me
...i think the people who doubted us were right
...i think what would have happened if we didn't
...i wish you would understand
...it should be easier
...it should be about me and not always about you
...i fear for the future
...i wish you would admit when you are wrong
...i look around and i don't recognize anything
...i look around and don't see ME
...i think about what i have missed
...i wish you would listen
...i try and think about what i want - and i can't think of a single thing, not because i don't want things, but because i know i probably wont get them so why bother
...i need you to see ME but you don't or won't
...i regret everything
...i want this to end

2010-05-26T23:21:00.004+10:00

So i haven't died or anything.

I'm in the midst of writing a post.

It just is hard when i like sleep and catching up on awesome shows like this. And if you are serious about entertainment, this.
(you know its good when its made in NZ and I'm suggesting it.)

So when i finally finish that post, (which has me admitting something that i wouldn't normally) I'll put it up. AND it will even have pictures!!

Get excited.

Little (or not so little) letters

2010-05-14T08:32:00.003+10:00

Dear person whom I'm no longer in touch with because of someone else choice.
I miss you.
I miss your kids.
I'm sad that I've missed them growing cause someone else's choice. The choice wasn't bad, but the consequences of that choice in relation to you and your wonderful little family to me, kinda sucks.
We gotta catch up.
Ps. Sometimes I 'stalk' you on facebook and am so proud of you and everything that you have done since then.

Dear house, (mine not the doctor)
I really like you, but one thing. 7am (or earlier) is not a good time to be waking me up. I know, I know, you have no control over the sun, but when it comes blazing in (even with blinds closed) that falls to you house. Also, when I'm walking around in my underwear and have forgotten to close the blinds, can you do something so the neighbours don't see? Thanks house.

Dear dryer (and washer to some extent),
So I know I lose a lot of hair. I know it's cause I don't brush it. **NOTE: I DO wash it, it's totally clean, so stop thinking I'm gross** but really d&w, it makes me dry retch when I go to put clothes on straight from you both when they are at their best and I find hair.
Not just a strand but a whole chunker. Seriously, I already have to clean the lint thingy, can't you catch it all in there?

Dear people who live on my level,
I know it's hard to read the 5 or so signs in the garbage room, and even harder to actually follow them, but it's gross when you don't put your rubbish in the garbage shoot.
It's even worse when you put it in the recycling or even JUST ON THE FLOOR. Really, I know that the shoot is turned off sometimes, but that just means you have to take your TIED bag back home and wait like 30 mins. So please stop it. The husband gets cross every time he takes the rubbish out and I think soon it will fall to me and I don't want it.

Dear people who ride scooters who are no longer at school,
Really?

Dear people who cross when the man says don't walk,
All it takes is two minutes, either two minutes waiting and your fine or two minutes and BAM something hits you. I know what's it's like and it isn't as fun as it seems. Trust me, all you will end up with is a scar on your head and never being able to do your hair right cos of it.

Dear new person in my team,
You are new. Probably not the best to come in all arrogant and acting like you can work harder and do more then the people already in the team when you have no experience whatsoever in what we do. Also, even though you cant do much right now, going on endless breaks? Not a good idea. Just a heads up, you are new and your attitude, it's putting people offside. Not the best way to start.

Dear customers who fax stuff to my company,
I appreciate you. I really value you as customers but, please just give me one day where we are up to date with the hundreds of faxes that we receive. I was totally being sincere with the first part of appreciating and valuing you, honest.

Dear my dear friend Balamino,
Congratulations for Sunday (or Monday here). I know you picked right and even though I haven't met him, I know your life will be filled with joy and his life will be better for having you in it. I still want you to come over and visit soon though.

Dear 'promoter' who I used to work with,
STOP INVITING ME TO YOUR STUPID EVENTS!! I will NEVER go to one. Ever.
Just stop it.

Dear mislabelled size 6 jeans,
I assume you were mislabelled, cause my behind is not that small, but thank you. Every time i wear you, you make me feel good cause I'm in a size 6!!
Ps. That's like a size 2 in US people.

I don't have a title for this, so sue me.

2010-05-10T22:20:00.003+10:00

So I have a New boss now. Work moved. Same (old) job. Different location. It's strange cause my old boss has been hanging around helping with the move and changes and habit tends to follow us both.
He'll hear me say something and want to fix it or I'll see him and go to tell him about my issues. But it's different.
I don't think my new boss 'gets' me yet. It might take awhile. I'm too used to everyone knowing what I'm like. Almost 6 years (5 in this role) at the same place with mostly the same people does that.
I guess it didn't help that I told him he reminded me of Sully the first time we chatted either. But without the fur.
I couldn't help it though. Nerves = talking. Talking = honesty. That should be good right?

{I would put his photo up but that would be wrong... and also he shaved since i told him that and he kinda looks different now so won't. Also cause it would be wrong.}

Anyway.
New job location means new travel. I used to walk to the station and then catch a train to work and then walk some more. All good for my non exercising self.
Now, I walk to a different station that's further away and get a bus right to the door of my work. Cheaper. But even though it's further that I have to walk, I get hungry. And even though it's all kinds of terrible I walk past a few McDonald's and kinda maybe have stopped there most days to get breakfast.

I also have now taken the habit of walking through the QVB on my way to, but not back. On the way back I just wanna get home. But on the way to work, I like to take my time. I get to work an hour early anyway, so I like to slow it down a little. Which means my 10(ish) min journey gets extended to sometimes 30, and you know what?I don't mind at all. The qvb is beautiful. My mum used to force us to go there when we were young and in the city. They have this clock that told a story and we HAD to watch the whole thing not cause it was interesting to us then, i mean, we were young and easily bored.... wait, i still am, but anyway. I appreciate it now. Not necessarily the clock, cause i don't think it goes off anymore, or at least not when I'm there, but it just is an awesome pretty way to start the day.

Thats all i have for now.

Wait, does anyone else have trouble spelling the word necessarily or necessary or any variations of that? I totally do and i spell it so badly that spell check is all like, ummmm, so not a word and then i have to google and i feel even more silly. And then i share it with all of you. Yep.

25. Plus some.

2010-05-03T20:12:00.005+10:00

So.
Facebook.
Great for stalking.
Annoying for silly silly games.
Great for stalking.
Annoying for random work people adding me.
Great for stalking.
Anyway.
So i did this 25 things thing a little while ago, and i thought i would look over it again. Some of the things, i still agree with. Some have changed. Others i have added to.

**By the by, i know that this is more then 25, but i started this list on my phone and kept adding. I ended up just picking 25 and posting them, but this is my blog, so i make the rules**

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

25.

1. I have the same middle name as most of the females in my family and I love that if I ever changed my surname to my husbands, I'll still have that.

2. I feel like I have no direction in my life and I love and hate it at the same time. I also haven't got any of those great life plans that people talk about. At the moment, I think I'm hating that. It doesn't give me much to strive for or look forward to. I think i might have some idea of what i want. Not going to share it yet though

3. I sometimes wish I could turn back time to when I didn't have a worry or stress, but then I wouldn't be who I am. I also have trouble finding a time like that.

4. I would do anything in the world for my family, including die for them. If anything happened to any of them, it would break my heart.

5. Re: 4, I think dying in place for someone is rather selfish though.
Think about it, if they are THAT important to you, you must be to them, and if you can't live without them, how could you make them live without you. That said, I would still do it if need be.

6. My favourite colour is pink and although it doesn't seem like it, I like girly dresses, although I'm too insecure about my legs to wear them.

7. I think I know too much about somethings and not enough about others, I wish that the ratio was more even, then I wouldn't be as frustrated/ confused all the time.

8. I believe I have a mild case of OCD. I can't help it, If I need to do something, I need to do it then and do it right according to me.
And if someone else tries to help and does it different, watch out. Working on this one. I'm allowing myself to make more mistakes and changes. Its hard though.

9. I like reading true crime. Mostly child abuse. Not because I'm sick, but because it makes me feel less guilty about my life and more guilty at the same time. I can't explain it, but it's good, I think.

10. Contrary to most peoples belief, I'm really not a bitch, I think it related back to point 8. Although, I do have bad days.

11. I have a bad case of FOMO. I think I have had it all my life, (only it was nameless until recently) and I think it will continue forever.

12. I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid about the after ness of dying. What happens if everyone is wrong? (ps. I don't mean to offend anyone with that point.)

13. When ever I listen to music out in public, I always think people can hear it and are judging me on it.

14.I hate when I have to repeat myself. If I'm making the effort to tell you something, you can at least make the effort to listen! Oh my gosh, I hate it.
14.5. I also hate bring questioned when I am asked to help. If you don't like my answer, fine, but don't question me. You asked for MY help.

15. I hold grudges. It doesn't matter how stupid you think I'm being, if I'm crossed, I will hold it up on you, until I lose the motivation or energy to hold it anymore. I can't help it, so sorry in advance. Oh and if I'm told I'm being stupid because of it or the reason is stupid, it will just make it last longer... So probably don't. ; p

16. Re: 15. I'm stubborn. Don't try and change my mind or tell me I'm wrong, it won't work.

17. I like acknowledgement. Selfish probably, but something as simple as a thanks or appreciate it, is enough. I use it as motivation. If I don't get enough, I stop. I think I give it back, let me know if I don't though.I can never accept it though. I always always always just palm it off, in the nicest possible way.

18. Although I'm good at hiding it, (at least I think I am anyway) I am very emotional. Ps. Angry = not an emotion. That's just everyday. ; ) I also care too much about most things.

19. I love love love SLEEP! I could sleep all day, but then I get cross at myself for wasting the day, so I really can't win.

20. I though it would be easier to think of 25 things....

21. It takes a bit to earn my respect, but once you have it, unless you cross me, I will respect you 100%.

22. I wish I was more brave.

23. I moved into my house a few months ago and there are still things to unpack. Some people would blame this on laziness, I blame time and storage space. Do we have any volunteers to do for me? So i was talking about my old house when i posted this the first time, but now a month after moving, same thing. Lets boxes though.

24. If I won the lotto, I think I would only keep enough to pay off my debts/bills, the rest I would give to family then friends.

25. I could spend hours on facebook, stalking everyone I know and then people they know. I think I have a problem of needing to know everything about everyone. I also want to point out, I CAN NOT stand it when people use text speak or misspellings in status updates.
Nothing bugs me more. I blame the OCD.

26. I feel like I'm always putting others before myself.

27. I hate being late, to anywhere.

29. I hate having hair on my clothes, it's the most annoying thing when I can feel it but can't see it.

30. I hate when people do accents. Just hate it. Esp when they are not good at them. Im ok if you HAVE an accent, but if you put one on, my gosh. You may not think you sound bad, but just stop.

31. My phone is ALWAYS on silent. Not because it has to be, but because I can't stand ring tones, any ringtones at all. So if you call and I miss it, the reason is cause I didn't hear/see my phone, not that I'm ignoring you. Although sometimes it is. ; p

32. I need noise to sleep. Although sometimes the noise keeps me awake for longer then I should be awake too...

33. I set 5 alarms to get up. Starting an hour before I have to and in 15 min intervals, that way when I really really have to get up I'm already semi awake and it's not as difficult to get up.

2010-04-25T11:44:00.001+10:00

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
Lest We Forget.

Ahhh, internet. I thought i would never see you again.

2010-04-24T13:55:00.002+10:00

So i finally have Internet at home.
After a trillion phone calls, and using too much data on my phone (I'm gonna regret it when my bill comes), it was connected yesterday. Or, last night.
It would have been two weeks tomorrow.
I felt like i was in a third world country or something.
I even had access to more Internet when i was in Japan then i did now.
(FYI. My work has Internet access, obv. but they also have a thing called websense, which blocks all the good sites, so it might as well suck).

Anyway, being almost 2 weeks in our new house, i think we have done pretty good with the unpacking business. We still have a few boxes, and i know we have some books that haven't yet been unpacked and i feel like not all my clothes are unpacked, but who knows. Its at that point where we can live and not be missing anything. It doesn't matter that our (small) sun room is half full with boxes. At our last (two) places, i think we had basically the same amount of stuff not unpacked either... Its a matter of going through and throwing around stuff, and who has the time to do that? Lets be honest.

Back to the Internet, do you know how hard it was to go two weeks without reading other blogs? I honestly just spent about 4 hours catching up. (probably time i could have unpacked and sorted.... oh well).

We got my family to help us move and while i felt really bad for my dad, cause he was doing a lot of the packing into the car and lifting (heaps of moving experience), he is my dad and i worry. Don't fret though, the husband and the brother, and the sisters semi new boyfriend were also helping.
It was kinda good that my dad has heaps of moving experience, cause my step mum volunteered to get left at the new house (which i thought was an easy way out), but she cleaned so much and unpacked the kitchen and the bathroom AND EVEN made our bed for us. It was so nice to not have to do that at the end of the day when we were so tired. AND its even nicer to be searching for something in the bathroom or kitchen and be like, hmmmm, i would put here and voila! its already there!
I also felt bad for my dad though, cause he wanted to leave to get home in time to watch a new show, but i knew cause he was so tired that if he DID get home in time, he would probably fall asleep, but it turns out they didn't get home in time. I think i might buy it for him.

As i have mentioned several times, i think, I'm working in a different department at the moment. Not too bad, but not good enough that i would want to work there as part of my job, although, my boss did suggest if i liked it, he would see what he could do for me to be there permanently, which was nice seeing as he has never tried before.
I have this problem though, that i have to be working 100% or more all day until i know that all the work is done. Then i get bored and I'll admit annoying. This department spends a lot of time waiting on other peoples responses/opinions and a lot of time doing i dunno what. I just know when I'm working at my normal pace, they are all shocked that i get through the work so quickly. Its all very strange.

Anyway, that's not why i bought work up. Parts of my company are getting, i guess integrated into the company that majority owns us. That's the easiest way i can explain it without going into the whole she bang of it all. What it means is part of the company will be moving locations, salaries and some of them will get new bosses. My (proper) department is part of the ones who get all three. Location, salary and a new boss.
Now, I'm not too fussed with the location thing, my work has moved in the past, and it actually works out cheaper for me to get there, so very meh about that. My only complaint is that i was sick as a dog on the day i was supposed to go over to the new location and haven't been there yet.
Salary isn't even worth mentioning, cause its like a $50 increase. Different team, same department as us, is still on more then us even though they do less then us, and i lose my loadings, (cause i finish at a certain time). So $50 up, but $200 down a week. So much for the company being all about no one being negatively affected... The husband got a MAJOR rise though, so even though it pointed out my suckiness even more, i guess it works out ok.
The new boss is my major thing though. My current boss doesn't do much for us. But IMO i think its cause we were just palmed off onto him and he is really a manager of another department. BUT, that said, its better the devil you know. My boss knows how i work and when i get cranky to just let me be for 5-10 mins and I'll get over it. I haven't met the new boss yet. I'm also a little anxious about meeting him, cause my current boss, (and other people) have said all these good things about me, (which aren't lies) and i have it in my head that he (new boss) may be waiting for me to screw up. You know, what happens when people are put on a pedestal. I don't know if that is the case, or if its just me being all hard on myself.

OH! Thats why i bought up work... next week is our last week at our current location and i just dont feel like it is. At all. I dont know if its cause im working with a team that isn't moving, (well, they are moving floors), or what, but it hasn't hit me yet that i wont be catching the train to work after next week. That i won't be sitting at MY desk. That i have to pack up my desk... All those things. Its odd.

So i hvae drivelled on for long enough, and considering its now 2.30 in the afternoon and i have been reading the internets since 10, (dont judge, its the weekend), i best get up.

PS. Oh, just so you know and i don't feel bad, we totally gave my family money for helping us. Even though they didn't want to accept it, cause they are family, the time they spend helping us, they totally deserved it.

And in other news...

2010-04-20T16:20:00.003+10:00

So I haven't blogged in a while cause I moved house and amongst making 16 billion calls to get the phone connected to get the Internet connected someon screwed up an I STILL have no Internet. I have been at my house for over a week. You don't know ho crazy I'm going.
Ps. I'm writing this from my phone, so spelling mistakes, blame the iPhone. Spell check is WAY too hard to use on it.

Anyway, couple of things....

I have spoken about this before but it still pisses me off.
My name is RENEE, two e's no 'accent' on top of the second e. Simple right?
NO!!!
A COMPANY WIDE email was sent out today with my name spelt RENE. ummm, so like I said in my Twitter:
Rene = penis. (it's the boys version)
ReneE = me, with no penis.
It really isn't that hard to confirm, honestly.
It made me really really cross and honestly? It made me feel SUPER underappreciated. And that just sucks.

In other news, we had a party for work last night, (Monday night here, stupid), but anyway, a girl got very very drunk, (which is a little hard to do, our work has a very high drinking culture, call centres basically do), she was quite so drunk that she threw up in front of the bar and yet, continued drinking... She was also wearif high high heels. Take note.
Later in the night, she happened to fall down the stairs and hurt herself.
Today, she is saying someone spiked her drink.
Now I in NO WAY condone drink spiking and would believe anyone saying that happened, but I saw how much she drank and I kinda lost respect for her when she came out and said that someone 'must have put something in her drink cause if she had drank as much as EVERYONE is saying she did she would have a hangover'.
Ps. Not the first time that someone has injured themselves at a work function from drinking too much.

And I'm gonna end it on this.
I'm moving work places in about 8 days. (same job, different location) and I just don't feel like it's happening yet. It's so odd.

What do i want?

2010-04-13T00:20:00.000+10:00

What do i want?

I ask myself this sometimes, and i never have an answer.
I'm not talking about wanting to have that thing in that shop, or have never ending amount of money.
I'm talking about life.
What do i want out of my life?

I don't know what i want.
I don't know what i want with my career, i don't know what i want in my house, or even what kind of house i want.
I don't know where i REALLY want to live.
I don't know whether i want to own my house or rent forever.
I don't know if i want to go and live overseas away from my family or close enough to them to see them every day.
I don't know if i want to live pay check to pay check or have spare money at the end of the week to save.
I don't know if i should be happy about how i live or if I'm not normal.
Sometimes i don't even know what happy is.
I don't know if i want to be a worker for the rest of my life or if i would make a better stay at home mum.

I know the 'proper' answers to these questions.
I know what people 'should' do.

But i don't know what i want.

Sometimes this scares me. Most of the time.

But i don't know what i can do about it.

Bedside Manner FAIL

2010-04-09T13:33:00.004+10:00

I want to start by saying, i hate the phrase FAIL, like really hate it. But here it is needed.

So as you all know, i went to the dentist a WHOLE 2ish weeks ago cause i had a HORRIBLE toothache.
REAL BAD.

Anyway, so the dentist is not covered under Medicare. Which is basically kinda like the health care that Obama just bought into the US, i guess. Anyway, its expensive. Like real expensive. That's part of the reason why i hadn't gone in so long. Another part is because they suck.

So, the pain continued. It made me want to LIVE on pain pills, not the addicted type, but the 'i need to go to work and sleep and eat and without the pills, i physically can NOT do these things'. In fact i had to leave work early a few times because i just couldn't concentrate on what i had in front of me.

So i made another appointment. I had gone to a second dentist as i said here and they were all like, it could be this, it could be that. But they wanted to fix it under local. Now, i can't do that. I hear things and see things and i freak the fuck out. My whole body was shaking uncontrollably and they were like, nah, not going to work.
So i went back to the original place.

Now, one would assume, a dentist would know what the hell the problem is. I mean your mouth ain't that big. Doctors, they are a different story, but dentists, there ain't that much for them to think about.

I went in there thinking, i would leave with LESS pain. LESS, not none, i understand that things take time, so LESS would be good. Being able to touch my face when I'm in pain, i would like that. Being able to keep my eye open, when the pain happens, that would be great too.

Yeah, no.
What i got was yelled at, more pain and no conformation about what the actual problem is!!

Lets look at BEDSIDE MANNER:

Bedside manner is a term describing how a health care professional handles a patient, and is essential in affecting the doctor-patient relationship. A good bedside manner is typically one that reassures and comforts the patient while remaining honest about a diagnosis. Poor bedside manner leaves the patient feeling unsatisfied, worried, frightened, or alone. Bedside manner becomes difficult when a health care professional explains to the patient the true diagnosis, while keeping the patient from being alarmed.

Poor bedside manner leaves the patient feeling unsatisfied, worried, frightened, or alone.

When suggesting a fix, maybe don't try the same thing as i had two weeks ago, that i know didn't work, cause the pain got worse. Worried.

When i say, I'm scared that that pain will come back, AND I AM SHAKING UNCONTROLLABLY, don't say it maybe will, cause i don't know what the problem is. Frightened.

Don't say, in my 30 years of being a dentist i have never seen something like this before. unsatisfied

Don't say, if it was me, i would have come back sooner. You are a dentist, you charge people SHIT LOADS, of course you would come back sooner, YOU CAN AFFORD TOO!! Alone.

Wow, good work there, jerk face.

Ps. Just so you all know, the dentist i went to was BONDI BEACH DENTAL and i think my dentist name was Dr Sih, but not sure, cause he never introduced himself to me. Another thing that deserves a good job, jerk.

PPS. I have an itch on my lip, but i can't scratch it cause its still numb. Annoying.

Untitled

2010-03-31T15:18:00.002+11:00

Is it weird that I like to sit in bathrooms?
Like on tiled floors and walls.
And the coldness of it.
It kinda comforts me.

That's what I'm doing now instead of working.
Kinda hiding, kinda self reflecting in the bathroom.
I don't stay when it smells though. Yuck.

Ps. This was posted from my phone, so it's a bit meh. Anyone know any good apps for iPhones for blogger? Much appreciated. : )

by the by, I'm done with my work, hence the hiding. I'm not hiding from the work.

Grinding and Clenching... Don't be dirty!

2010-03-30T18:02:00.003+11:00

So I have this thing where if I’m doing something that I have never done before I need reassurance. Like a little more then a little. OK, like a lot. Look, I’m needy alright?
I admit it, so that’s what I am. But only when doing something new or sometimes when I have been doing the same thing over and over and over, and I’m bored and I need motivation. Reassurance is always a good motivation.

Anyway.

So I’m working in a different team recently, (while my team and hard work goes to shit, just FYI), and I’m using systems that I have never used before, doing work I have never done before, with a team I have never worked in before. And I don’t know what the heck I’m doing here.

Now, I’m as modest as they come, I’m great at MY job, ask me a question and I’ll tell you 15 ways to do one things. BUT, you MUST do it MY way otherwise, you will ruin it and I will hate you. Pretty simple, right?

Ask me a question about another department and I’ll be right there giving you opinions, (let’s be honest, they probably won’t be very positive), and they just won’t be as good as me… (Remember that modesty thing I was talking about earlier *wink*)

But this working in another team thing is getting to me. I don’t know if what I am doing is good or bad, cause I get feedback of ‘it’s really good but just change it here….’ in a voice that sounds condescending, but I don’t know.
Am I doing it good enough?

And then even though the other person who is working with me knows what they are doing, today, we (me, the other team person, and our ‘boss’) did something together as a group. Now, to me, that makes it seem like showing me where I have gone wrong.
But they aren’t telling me, here is where you are going wrong, just this is what I mean.

I have no problem with being not good at what I’m doing (wait, I kinda do), but at least tell me where I’m going wrong, so I know what to work on and get better, so you all have less work and follow up to do.

I’m the type of person who if given a deadline and work to do, it is done before then. I may ask questions and confirm junk, but the work will be done. No questions asked, done. That’s just what I am. Now, that’s what I’m doing here. Doing the work and getting through it (I think) faster then they expected, cause come a few hours later, I’m sitting here trying to find work for myself… (Hence while I’m writing this at work).

But I’m also sitting here wondering if I got through it all (and it is now supposed to be another 2 days worth of work) am I doing it right?
Am I doing it proper?
Am I good enough?
If I’m not good enough, will this reflect badly on me, because I’m not doing it right, and I don’t know that I’m not doing it right, cause no one is actually telling me?

I want to do the work that I’m given and I want it to be good. I want to prove the person who said I wasn’t good enough to be in this department that they are wrong. But I also want to be able to tell myself, that yes, I can do this.

Its all so frustrating and I’m sitting here clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth, cause I’m bored and frustrated and trying to hide it all and trying to be as good as I can be with no feedback and giving myself a toothache cause of the grinding and clenching and then taking painkillers and being all drowsy and not wanting to work, but still doing it cause I want it to be good, but then not being sure and going home and not getting any relaxation time cause the pain killers basically knock me out as soon as i get home, but then i don't sleep good, cause they give me wicked bad dreams and I know that I used too many ‘and’s in this sentence but that is how it is being said in my head without a breath in between and now you can see why I’m clenching and grinding, no?

Also, in this role, I don’t understand why I have to write out the same damn thing like 16 times. Seriously, that’s what I'm doing. Writing out processes, but in different ‘levels’. Basically the same thing 16 times. But different.
Have you all ever done that? Its freaking driving me crazy. CRAZY like a loon.

Oh and to follow up on a non whingy subject, this made me smile, (in a non mean way) even though it is very wrong according to the law.

http://www.news.com.au/world/elderly-couple-busted-in-jell-o-refund-scam/story-e6frfkyi-1225847212442

Oh, and if these people (in the link) are like rich, then I hope they get busted, but if its like little old people with the blue hair and old people like, .

LL

2010-03-28T00:09:00.003+11:00

Dear Hare Krishna people,
Your singing always makes me smile. But that doesn't mean I want to be
brainwashed by it all.

Dear school children,
Your singing on a peak hour train, DOES NOT make me smile.
Oh and ps. Being children your supposed to give up your seat when
older people are standing. Learn some gosh darn manners!!

Dear Kings Cross,
I shall miss you. A lot. Tear.

Dear new apartment on the 34th floor,
You kinda scare me. I hope your worth it.

Dear husband,
When we watch a movie at home, i like it to be like the movies. You
know quiet, no phone calls stopping the movie, etc etc. I gave you the
no darkness thing, give me the quiet thing.

Dear tummy,
Stop rumbling, I already fed you tea.

Ps. Sorry for the shortness. :(

can anyone tell me

2010-03-23T19:04:00.001+11:00

if i take my tongue ring out, how long will the hole take to close up?

I don't wanna take it out, but its bothering me.

But the hole freaks me the hell out!!

Me.

2010-03-21T00:49:00.005+11:00

So i don't know if i have posted this before, or if i have just written and then not posted, but i don't know and I'm too lazy to look, (you all should be used to that ;p) so it might just be a double up. Oh well.

I read a blog called, 'Give me back my five bucks'. I have been reading it awhile and i go through stages where i have to read it all the way from the beginning and go all the way through to today, (even re reading posts that i read when i discovered). And Krystal, did a post back in October and i wanted to do the test thing she was talking about. (even though i think i did it back then, hence not being sure whether i posted it or not).

So here is my results:

you are a concerned realist.

about you
you are a realist

Your attention to detail, appreciation of how things function, and awareness of the world around you make you a REALIST.

Routines are reassuring to you—you feel safer and more at ease when sticking with familiar things.

You like to stay close with those around you, seeking comfort from familiar faces.

You are interested in processes—how things work, what they do, and why—not just how things look.

Sometimes you doubt that you can find solutions to problems, although you have a good sense of why things happen, and can use that knowledge to find the best way to do something.

You are down to earth, concerned more with practical, detail-oriented things than with dreamy or ambiguous ideas.

You have a good sense of your abilities and weaknesses, and don't let your ego get in your way.

You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

If you want to be different:

Appreciate that your skill set can be useful in many ways; your attention to detail and your familiarity with the inner-workings of things are valuable assets.

Try looking beyond the earthly qualities of things in order to expand your perspective, without losing your grounding in reality.

how you relate to others
you are concerned

Your understanding of others' emotions, your sense of right and wrong, and your skeptical nature make you CONCERNED.

Your observations of your environment, in concert with your clearly defined worldview, leads you to be aware of the feelings of others.

Because you can read people well, and because you can understand their feelings, you are often bothered by others' insensitive behavior.

While you appreciate others' emotional nature, you don't think their emotional concerns should take precedence over their obligations to society.

You prefer to be in smaller groups, as big groups can occasionally get out of hand.

Order and structure are somewhat important to you—you believe that people's feelings are better protected when others are respectful and follow certain societal guidelines.

You tend to share your feelings with a few individuals who are close with you, but otherwise you are a somewhat private person.

If you want to be different:

Let your caring nature allow you to put more trust in people in general—you can have more faith in them without losing your valuable skepticism.

I think it sums me up pretty well..
Anyone disagree?
No?
Right then.

Ps. Look, sorry if this post is just going in circles. My mouth hurts (still! But the chocolates {Milky ways!!} I'm eating probably isn't helping), and its late and i should be sleeping, but its that time of night where my street gets loud, so unless I'm already asleep gotta give it like an hour or so.. Fun times.

Fear.

2010-03-18T19:03:00.000+11:00

I have a lot of fears.

I don't know if i have more then the normal person or not, cause really who talks about their fears?

Even if a fear is shared, does it really go away? I don't think so, but i thought i would share (some) of my fears.
Hopefully, you all won't think of me as a huge weirdo cause of some of my strange fears.

Just before i start, some of them, are kinda of silly, but i can't help it.
Don't judge.

I fear things i can't see. Like, if I'm on a boat, and i can't see all the way to the bottom of the lake/ocean, i FREAK out. The husband and i went on a paddle boat thing one time when we went to Melbourne. It was half sinking. I cried. Out of fear.

I fear heights. So much so, i couldn't walk across a rope bridge cause it was unstable and so so high.

I fear owing people things. I guess, debt, although, i have a lot of it. But on bills and everything, i have to be in credit, no matter if it leaves me broke.

I fear being alone. I can stand a night alone, or going out in the day alone, but being without family and friends, that scares the shit out of me.

I like to think that i don't fear travel, but i don't know. I mean, i would love to travel around the world and see all the amazing things that are out there, but being so far from everything and everyone i love? That scares me.
Also, i would LOVE to go to Venice, cause i mean, how amazingly beautiful? but then i think about all that water and i freak out even now.

I fear being judged. In my mind, I'm not good enough, so for someone else to say that as well. No way would i be able to - even thinking about that now makes my heart do that roller coaster thing.

I fear not being good enough for my (future) children. I have ideas in my head, that i want to buy a house, if only to give them something stable and theirs.

I fear bath tubs. I know this is silly, but its true. First, baths are gross, you go in dirty and then your water becomes dirty. YOU ARE LYING IN YOUR DIRT IN WATER. YOU ARE NOT REALLY GETTING CLEAN!! But also, we live in apartments, so i have this thing in my head, that with all that weight from the water, it could totally break through the bottom and i will be falling into someones house. Naked. That is scary. (I also, was thinking about this in the shower the other day, and had to get out of there, cause i freaked MYSELF out so much. I'm not normal, i know.)

Sometimes i fear I'm not alone when I'm alone in my house. There was a post in this blog about how a man was coming into her house and was talking to her son and she came home and found him. THAT FREAKED ME THE HELL OUT!! Even though it was so long ago that it was too much looking for the post, it still freaks me out that that could happen to me, even though my building is pretty new, and there is no where to get into my house except the front door.

I fear failure. Sometimes i fear i have depression. I fear boredom. I fear that the mirrors that are on EVERY wall in my bathroom are two mirrors. I fear not being good enough and lowering peoples expectations of me. I fear the thoughts in my head, sometimes. I fear ruining people and things. I fear that to the people that mean a lot to me, i mean nothing. I fear i will do something that my family will disown me. I fear people finding out about this blog and thinking I'm a terrible person, or telling more and more people about it. I fear too much that i can't even write it all here.

How come...

2010-03-18T09:06:00.002+11:00

when i have a day off with nothing to do, there are no blogs to read....??
Like I'm all up to date.

Yet i go to bed and when i wake up in the morning, 11 people have posted new things?!?!

Not complaining, but i would have preferred them all yesterday when i was bored, not now, when I'm procrastinating getting ready for work.

Little letters..

2010-03-17T09:22:00.004+11:00

Dear work,

Even though I'm doing something different, its still kinda boring... It wasn't for a few days, but now, kinda is...

Dear work x2,

I know and you know, that i deserve more- wait, no, i EARNED more then what you are offering me, and that you will be screwed without me. Get your head out of your arse and do something about it already, or I'm gonna be gone.

Dear Husband,

I'm sorry i have been such a wimp for this whole dentist thing. I know that you need the dentist just as much if not more, and you are in pain as well. I'm sorry, really.

Dear new real estates,

Please PICK ME, PICK ME!! I will be a good tenant and wont break things, AND even if things break, i will just live with it, i wont even bother you with those small details. I really wanna live here.

Dear Mouth,

Just stop hurting. Please. I'm like begging you now. I don't like to cry, and i don't like to take 2 packets of pain killers in just under 72 hours. That's not got to be healthy for me or you, mouth. Lets just be friends. I promise, i will even try not to eat all those sugar filled things i usually eat. I haven't for a little over 72 hours now. AND i WILL brush twice a day.

Dear Dentist/s,

Dentist 1, i know that i hadn't been to the dentist in a long time. I didn't need the lecture. If you weren't so scary, there wouldn't be a problem. I think its just the smell. And the sucker thing. Get rid of them, and you will be sweet.
(Also, if you have yellow teeth, i kinda wont take you serious, BUT if you treat me like a child, i will do almost exactly what you want).

Dentist 2, i really hope that you are nice and not lecture giving and make me not hurt anymore. I will even consider coming back on a regular basis.

Dear Spellcheck in Blogger,

Why don't you have a change all option? When I'm typing, i don't do apostrophes and i spell and NAD almost always. I don't like having to go through each one. Its tiring. AND while I'm talking to you, why don't you change the i's to I's? What kind of spell check are you?!?!

Dear Tyler Conium,

Who are you?
I follow you on twitter, cause i wanted to get updates from both sides about the US/Canada hockey game, but i have NFI who you are. But i know that you have a blog, (which i hadn't looked at til now), and you tweet A LOT. Can anyone tell me?

Oh, and PS. I found that blog that was on Post Secret. It seemed pretty interesting, but she hasn't posted much since she started getting a billion comments saying, found you through post secret, over and over...

Dentists

2010-03-15T12:45:00.005+11:00

So i had a terrible tooth ache yesterday.
So bad that it went up to my eye and my jaw was chattering uncontrollable.
I ended up taking the maximum amount of panadeine plus and the pain was still there.
It was fun.

So when i woke up today and was still pain that husband decided i should go to the dentist.

I HATE THE DENTIST. I hate the smell and the sucking thing and the scraping and EVERYTHING.

So anyway, I'm writing this with half my face numb and even though i feel like I'm drooling i don't think i am, and my tongue is all tingly and i don't like it at all anymore.

I have to go back next week. I want to go back, cause the lady was kinda nice.

But i don't want to be a drop face.

Oh and i had to take out my tongue ring at the dentist. Have you ever tried doing that while your hands AND tongue is shaking and with a numb half a face? Yeah, not easy.

***UPDATE***
So i went to work yesterday, and was filled to the brim with pain pills. The good stuff. Well, the good stuff i could buy over the counter, cause even though i went to the dentist IN pain, and ALL they did was take an xray, lecture me, and clean my teeth, THAT DID NOTHING ONCE THE NUMBNESS LEFT!! Awesome work there. Just awesome.

Anyway, yesterday, i bought forward my appointment from Thursday week to Monday, which is better.

But then.... I think i took too many pills, cause all it did was make me light headed and kinda shaky... That's not good... And even though i asked my twitter followers:

So apart from maybe dying, ummm, what happens when you take too many pain killers? Light headedness and strange arm feelings? That's me.

NO ONE TOLD ME!!

Awesome again.

So last night, i was still taking the pills after stopping for a little while, until i felt normal. And nothing. No change in the pain.

I ended up falling asleep on the couch, but then when i woke up (and brushed my teeth for the second time that night :) ) pain again. Lots of pain. Enough pain to make me cry and the husband feel real sorry for me.

Yes, I'm a wimp.

So i ended up waking up at least 4 times in pain, and would get up, take a pill, wait til it worked and then go back to bed.
This morning when i woke up? I had run out of pills. SUCKS.

So i made an appointment with another dentist, so they can actually help me. I want to buy more pain pills, but i didn't like the light headedness, and i hope they don't numb my face today.

Sigh.

Ps. i have already cried from pain this morning.

Changes

2010-03-14T18:36:00.004+11:00

A bunch of stuff has been going on in my life at the moment.
So much, that i haven't blogged, just cause i haven't had time to think about what has happened in my day and put it into words.

On the home front, random people have been in my house and i don't know when i will have to move.
Yesterday, the husband noticed a sign out the front of our building about 2 rentals available here. One was fully furnished, (seriously, who the heck wants to use furniture that others have used? Imagine what you do with/on your furniture and using the same as others. Its just gross.), so we skipped that.
But one was not, so we looked. We love our building. I love the area a LOT. I don't want to move, and if an apartment is available in the same building, how much easier would it be to move?!? (yes, laziness plays a major part!;) )
The one we looked at, is bigger then our apartment and $80 more expensive (a week), but looking at the extra space, (and bigger balcony, and convenience), it IS worth it.

Then, we were thinking about travel and how much it costs to get to work, and with the changes with work -keep reading, I'll explain- it will end up costing us more.

We upped our maximum price (not super happy about that was hoping to go lower and have more savings), and found two AMAZING places in the city city, that i would love to live at. More convenient for travel and living, since we go to the city most weekends anyway.

So, we'll have to arrange viewings and get our bond arranged and all fun moving things like that... and then hopefully, we will have a new house in the next month or so.

Oh and PS. I don't think that staying is an option esp if the real estate will be the same. He is a jerk and we don't want to deal with him anymore. Ever.

Now, the work front. Sigh.

Been at my job for almost 6 years. (Rounding up here, it will be 6 years in July). Longer then my boss, his boss and his boss. Longer then a lot of people who are still working here.
I admit, i don't always love my job. Sometimes i HATE it. Sometimes i wake up and don't want to go to work. But doesn't everyone?
My work is moving, as in the people in my department and most of the other departments. We are moving locations and management, i guess? I don't really know if that's what it is, but i don't know if that matters a bunch.

Anyway, in the movement, our job descriptions change. Which mean our pay changes. Which seems like a good thing, right? Nope.
To be honest, i can start again at another company and be on more then what I'm on now AND what i will be on.

And i don't mean to sound ungrateful, cause that's not what it is about.

But compare my 6 (almost) years experience with the two others in my team. These two have been with the company for 2 and 3 years.
They regularly questions policies and processes that they should (in our role) know about.
I am (on more then one occasion) asked to help out our knowledge team to write up processes and clarify the information that they have. I'm currently helping them now.

That's gotta tell you something about my knowledge and experience right?

My wage, got changed to the minimum for my section, the same as the other two in my team.
To me, that tells me that i should start looking for a new job.

So i don't know where i am, or should be at the moment.
I don't know what i want.

I have looked at a complete career change, like a cop or something like that, but firstly, im unfit, so unfit, and second, I'm scared.
I like where i am, I'm comfortable. I don't deal with change well.

So we'll see, where i go.
We'll see if my company thinks I'm worth more.
We'll see if we get the apartment we want.
We'll see if i have to start job searching for serious, again.
We'll see.

The lump loves the worry inside the resident food.

CROSS!!

2010-02-27T23:29:00.004+11:00

So I'm cranky right now and to calm down I'm writing, so unless you want to hear a rant, stop reading.

So, i mentioned on a previous post that our house is getting sold, so we have to move.

So the real estate wanted to have a viewing, but because we only have one key, and we weren't going to be in the same state, (visiting family in Victoria) he was all like, OK, I'll get the building manager to let me in.
BUT THEN!
The building manager was all like, i ain't letting you in, the owner was supposed to change the locks 3 months ago, so no way!! (same reason why he wouldn't fix my door key).
So then, he was all like arranging with the husband for us to leave our ONLY key for him to be able to be let in, and we were cool with that, AS LONG AS WE GOT IT BACK WHEN WE ARRIVED. (I'm sure you all can see where this is headed).

NOW.
Lets rewind to Wednesday, we had kinda cleaned up our house, but not to the point of letting people walk through it. (we ain't grubs, but we don't make a small mess in living). So the real estate man was talking with the husband about the key, and getting in and all that, and real estate man was all, I'll come over tonight to change the lock, and the husband was like sorry, we wont be there, so no. Blah blah, long story short, real estate guy was all like, OK, I'll come over on Thursday NIGHT, so our plan was to come home after work, clean and scrub and make everything sparkly clean, and then finish up on Thursday before we left (about lunch time).
Turns out, we were sleepy on Wednesday, so went to bed early, and then woke up early on Thursday to clean completely.

Thursday.
I got up about 8, and started semi cleaning and waited for the husband to wake up. Then about 9am, got in the shower, (wouldn't usually share that, but its important). Got out of the shower AND I HEAR OUR FRONT DOOR BEING OPEN AND PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT 'THIS MUST HAVE BEEN THE REASON WHY THEY DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU THE KEY'.
I
WAS
NAKED!!
STRANGE
PEOPLE
WERE
IN
MY
HOUSE
WHILE
I
WAS
NAKED!!
THE HUSBAND WAS STILL IN BED.

The husband ended up yelling at them to get out, (only MUCH meaner words), so they left.
Wouldn't you believe, about 2 mins later, AGAIN the real estate man just opens the door and walks in AGAIN.

PS. what he did was totally ILLEGAL. While he did have permission to come when we were not there, at night, he DID NOT DID NOT DID NOT have permission to come in the morning, nor did he have permission to come in, after we told/asked/demanded he leave the 2nd time.

Even though we were super pissed off, we still cleaned the house super clean, like, so clean, that people could mistake it for a hotel room, (apart from the boxes of packed stuff).

So we went to the families, left our only key with the building manager so that the viewings could go ahead while we were away and skip to today.

Got a sms this morning, saying that the viewing was cancelled. Not so bad, cause whatever, gives us more time to find a new place.

Get home tonight, about 11pm, to look in the mailbox, (where the key SHOULD have been to find....

NOTHING.

Speak to the concierge to find....

HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT A KEY AND/OR LETTING SOMEONE IN.

Today is Saturday, building manager doesn't work on the weekend.

Which means, at least one of us needs to be home to let the other in, OR we have to leave our home unlocked.

We were supposed to be seeing Wicked tomorrow with my sister and mum, but if we both go, it means we won't be able to get back in.
So the husband is saying home.
Christmas present/$100+ wasted.

So i hate jerk real estate guy so much i want to punch him in the face, or as my twitter said earlier:

IHOPEYOUFUCKINGDIEINASLOWBURNINGFIREAFTERFRIDAYSINCIDENT&THENNOTLEAVINGTHEONLYKEYSTHATWEHAVESOWECANTGETIN2OURHOUSE!!

Hope this at least entertained some of you for a short time...

Add to all this, i got the flu/a cold while down in Melbourne and its so not fun.
Oh and i left my phone there.

Post secret, the Olympics and moving...

2010-02-22T20:31:00.004+11:00

Just a quick note to say a few things…

I love postsecret. It’s awesome.
However, yesterdays secrets have generated a lot of traffic to a certain blog, or at least in search of a certain blog.

Here is the pic of the secret.

Now I admit, I tried looking for this blog.
Im interested in reading it.
I couldn’t find it. :(

The Olympics, the Olympics.
Now apart from 2000 when I worked at them, and it was in my home town (kinda), I don’t really care about the Olympics, but the husband has been forcing me to watch the terrible terrible coverage of it that is on late at night. (See here for more info on the terrible coverage).
I also don’t care for the cold and snow, and seeing it all is just encouraging the husband to plan TWO snow trips in the next 12 months. Sigh.

But I have been kinda getting into it, (if anyone tells the husband, then I’ll totally deny deny deny).

I really enjoyed Dale Begg Smith and his ‘controversy’ and I really enjoyed that US won the hockey over Canada. *at the time of writing, the game is still going on, and im assuming, given the score is 3-2, and am following @shameheadboy’s twitter updates, plus I want them to win, so that totally counts).

Now, the most fun part… *total sarcasm*
Moving.
Sigh.
We have lived with the following:
*broken dishwasher – it doesn’t always work. It will stop halfway through and just beep. Annoying.
*air con only works in one room. Our bedroom (and bathroom) is ice cold when the air con is on, but the lounge room, like 30 degrees. Sucks.
*a door card doesn’t work. So only one of us can open the door. OR we can leave our house unlocked, so we don’t have to worry about not being able to get in. (that delightful suggestion was given to us by the building manager).
*and a buzzer that has never ever worked.

We haven’t really gotten these fixed, cause the real estate is kinda crappy, and it’s a hassle to get them to get in touch with the owner to fix them.
But we got a call last week that the owner wants to sell and we gotta move.
Sigh.
I think I like the idea of living with all these things that are wrong then having to move.

The upside is that the crap that we have moved from the house that we lived in before this one, (and the one before that), we (or the husband) went through and got rid of a lot of the crap, so hurrah on that!?

I have A confession to make....

2010-02-18T20:30:00.002+11:00

~ I haven't brushed my hair in about 3 weeks. (it's clean though, I
totally still wash it)

~ I haven't washed my dishes in about 2 weeks.

~ I haven't hand washed dishes in more then a year

~ I'm waiting to be discovered. Not sure by who or for what, but I'm
waiting.

~ sometimes I think about suicide. Never enough to go through with it,
but just thinking.

~I haven't cooked food in about 2 weeks, hence the need for no washing of dishes.

~ I never eat all of my food. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Whether I
cook it or not, never is all eaten.

~ I always answer my work phone (after my required greeting) with
'what's up?' but I really don't care. I can't even stop myself from
saying if anymore.

~ I have absolutely NO savings. But I do have credit cards, which is
the reason I have no savings. - Im working on this

Happy list...

2010-02-13T10:46:00.006+11:00

So its valentines day this weekend, and while i have a valentine, and we have plans to go to the movies, i didn't want to blog about valentines day, like many bloggers have. Not that its not great, but it kinda sucks. Lets be honest. The pressure is worse then a birthday or Christmas, and if you love someone, you should tell them every day,not just one day out of the year.

Anyway, so i thought i would make a list of things that make me happy, and not talk anymore about valentines day.

Happy list.

1. Children. When they are questioning and just being is amazing.

2. Rain.

3. POSTCARDS! I was having a kinda crappy day yesterday, but then i got two postcards and BING! day turned around.

(postcard wall at work)

4. Tourists. I love the tourists that come into my city. I like being able to share it with them.

5. The Cross.

6. The park and fountain next to my house.

7.Family. No matter, whenever i see them, i always am smiling.

8. Cupcakes. The lamington one is to die for!

9. Paying off debt. A bit boring i know, but knowing that the owed amount is going down rather then up, makes me happy.

10. Facebook stalking nuff said. ;)

So i think this is gonna be a ongoing thing and I'll just keep adding to it, and hopefully, it will be longer then my 'things that annoy me' list. :)

PS. Spell check, LAMINGTON is a REAL word!!

2010-02-08T23:11:00.003+11:00

So even though I don't follow NFL at all, and didn't know til today even how many players there were in each team...
I'm kinda sad that i didn't watch the Superbowl today.

I was at work, and blah blah, but all the hype and awesomeness of what it seems like, kinda made me feel like i missed something.

Not the ads, i watched them. Liked, not loved the Betty White one.

But it made me sad.

PS. While i come across words every time i post that DON'T show in Spell check, it prompted me to capitalize Superbowl...

Little letters... I should make this a weekly thing or something..

2010-02-07T16:35:00.010+11:00

Dear TV,
Why did you break again? The husband fixed you and you should have stayed fixed! He even unplugged you when we went away. Was that the reason? Were you sad we left you?

Dear hair,
I'm gonna shave you off one day, you are just bugging me.

Dear Credit cards,
One of you is almost there, i reckon by the end of the month and woohoo!! Although, if the husband and the TV have anything to say about, you may be used again.

Dear husband,
I really really really don't want to use the credit cards for a new TV please. But then you already know that.

Dear Humidity,
Its really all your fault. Go away already. I'd even be happier with the winter cold.

Dear golf,
i totally played you today, and although i was playing you even before the sun came up, (not really, but close), i had a lot of fun. And I'm good too, if i do say so myself.

Dear facebook,
Why oh why do you keep changing? I know you have designers to pay and all that junk, but really?!? People don't really like change, (as much as they lie and say they do). Stop it already.

Dear Dad,
I hope you had a good birthday. (sorry your not at the top, i kinda forgot....)

Dear air con,
I know its almost winter, and you should have had your annual check/fix/something, but we forgot the forms and you seem to work less then you normally did, please fix yourself? I'd appreciate that.

Dear STALKER, (cause that's what you are, really)
This will be my last mention of you. If you come round here again, you will know about it. Mark my words, you will know about it.

Dear weekend,
why oh why are you so quick?

Dear Wii,
I want you so bad. Go on a cheap cheap cheap sale already.

Dear snow happening in other countries,
can you happen here too? i would love a snow day instead of rain all the day long. But only after i have done my grocery shopping, otherwise, i might die of starvation.

Do not call...

2010-02-04T21:10:00.007+11:00

So i left my phone at home today.
Not on purpose, cause how the heck would i live without it, right?
I don't even know how i left it at home, just that i realized when i was at the station and although my house is only about a 5 min walk away, i was early and i like being early. (And I'm lazy, lets be honest.)

Anyway... i left it at home.

I have an iPhone, so i not only left my phone at home, i left my Internet and entertainment at home.
I use my phone a LOT at work. We don't have proper Internet, so all the good things, i get to use my phone for.
And after about an hour, all my work is generally done, so i play on it all of the day.

I'm kinda addicted to it. I don't know what the word is for iPhones, (like crackberry), but whatever it is, GIMME GIMME GIMME.

Today, i was reaching where i usually keep all day long. Seriously.

But i realized what i was missing out on instead.

I read my book that i have been trying to finish for a little while. I finished it.
I actually read the newspaper instead of skimming through it.
On the train to work, i actually looked around me outside and i like my city. I travel over the bridge, past the opera house and Luna park every day and never really notice them. I really like them all.

My day went longer, (or it felt longer), but i felt like i was actually there.

I know it seems strange that not having my phone can make me feel like all this, but it does.

Even though it connects me to so much, it also disconnects me more i think.

I may not leave it at home again, but i will maybe leave it in my bag, so my laziness will slow me down from using it instead of living.

Oh, ps. I still had Blogger, cause i demanded someone open it for me, but almost no one posted today. It was odd.

Help!!

2010-01-31T12:09:00.003+11:00

Followers, i need your help please.

I found out someone is reading my blog, and at first i didn't know who it was. Now i do, and would prefer that they didn't read it.
(would go into who they are, but with them reading and all, don't really want to, lets just say, they aren't in my life, so i don't want them to know about my life).

Anyway, I'm not all up on this computer stuff, and i checked the 'help' (pfft) section and i can't figure it out.

How can i stop them from reading my blog?
Is there someway to delete them from reading even if they aren't following?
Is there someway to stop them from reading while still keeping this a public blog and not having to 'approve' the people who read it? Which would get super annoying?

Either way, i really would like it if they stopped right now and never had me have to write this post, but i don't know if this will happen.

Please followers, i would really like some help on this if you don't mind.
Its really off putting, knowing that this person is reading.

Ahem!! (which i seem to use a fair bit... )

2010-01-30T21:51:00.003+11:00

So i went to the movies tonight.

I saw Law Abiding Citizen.
My letter was answered and not only was it amazing, it AMAZING!!.
My gosh, go see it right now. If you can only see one movie in the near future, let it be this one.

ANYWAY!!

I started this post with one thing in mind.

People in movie theaters annoy the crap out of me.
I'm one of those people who will whisper, WHISPER to whomever I'm with, in their EAR, but barely loud enough for them to hear.

Yet today people went too far.

We had the people in front who got up A LOT.
We had those same people who were looking on their phone almost the whole movie, (til the husband said something, and then they stopped)
We had people who LAUGHED in a serious part of the movie. LAUGHED. It wasn't a comedy.
We had someone who said 'they should have killed her instead', about a person who DIDN'T die. Ahh, I'm sorry, how about you shut up jerkface.

I wanted to punch all of them. I didn't though.

They almost ruined my movie experience, and if not for the AMAZINGness of the movie and that which is Gerald, it would have been ruined.

Like i said, people in movie theaters, annoy the crap out of me.

PS. Just one thing re: the movie, there was one bit where i had to turn away cause it was like WHOA, so just warning you, if you take my advice and go see it, there is one WHOA bit. Apart from that it was all a different kind of WHOA moments.

Oh, and PPS. I totally bought all the True Blood books today as well. Awesomeness all round.

Never have I ever....

2010-01-26T11:34:00.002+11:00

Y'all know the drinking game, right?
Well, I'm gonna share things here, as if i was drinking, and you all can join in in the comments, if you like.

Never have i ever, gone skinny dipping.

Never have i ever, gotten drunk in a public place. (friends houses don't count).

Never have i ever, quit a job.

Never have i ever, gotten so drunk i don't remember what happened the night before.

Never have i ever, gone surfing.

Never have i ever, had a one night stand.

Never have i ever, trashed a hotel room.

Never have i ever, stolen a car.

Never have i ever, spray painted...anything.

Never have i ever, broke a heel.

Never have i ever, shaved my head. (although i would like to, just to do it).

Never have i ever, stolen something more then $2.

Never have i ever, shot a gun. (i have loaded one though).

Never have i ever, gone shopping and spent more then $1000 in one day on just me. (would LOVE to, though).

Never have i ever, danced in public.

Never have i ever, gone to a strip club, (in the country i live in).

Never have i ever, traveled to the other side of the country.

Never have i ever, wore tights as pants in public.

Never have i ever, slept on the streets for even one night.

Never have i ever, crashed a car. (been in car crashes, but not as a driver).

Now, how many drinks would you all have taken from mine?
And also, share please. I would like some drinks too. ;)

PS. Today is Australia Day and while i am at work and not drinking and BBQing, (how we celebrate), this is my contribution.

Little letters again.

2010-01-21T22:30:00.000+11:00

Dear work,
Why did I come back to you?
Do I enjoy slow systems, boring work and repeating what I say 16
billion times a day?
I must.

Dear sunshine,
You are so nice, I wish I could enjoy you more instead of working.

Dear home,
why did I leave you messy while I went on holidays? Now I
have no motivation to clean you, cause I'm using it all to get through
work.
I wish the cleaning fairies came.

Dear automatic vacuum,
I wish I had one of you. Then at least I would feel good about having
clean carpets AND it would feel like the fairies came cause I would
turn you on while I went to work.

Dear Micheal c Hall,
CONGRATULATIONS!! I hope you really are in remission. (although it's
still a little creepy you married your onscreen sister, but I'll let
it go, I guess).

Dear credit cards,
One of you is more then half way paid off!! (although the smallest of
the lot), others, feel good that you will soon b like that and more!!

Dear reps at work who call me,
Some of you make me so frustrated. Bu others just make me smile so so
much, so mostly make up for the sadness.

Dear Weeds,
You were too good. I got sucked in and the ran out of episodes to
watch. (I also got my family addicted too). Hurry up and make new
episodes.

Dear True Blood books,
You are not the same as the show, and that makes a little sad, but it
makes me a LOT happy that there is more of you then the TV show, so I
can have my Eric fix.

Dear Dexter books,
Stop being so enticing. I'm reading the True Blood books right now,
you have to wait.

Dear bank balance,
I would really appreciate it if you grew on your own please? I'm
trying really hard to pay your buddies the credit cards and I would
appreciate your help. Thanks in advance.

Dear Tila,
I know that you are a fame whore, but your 'wife' just died. Even if
her family are mean, when are you gonna mourn her quietly? It would
bring you WAY more RESPECT but, I don't know if that's what you want...

Dear Cake,
I love you. Both the food and the band.
What happened to you? The band, not the food.

Dear Kings Cross,
I love you. I really really do. I missed you when I was away and am
glad you smell the same as before. (good smell, not bad).

Dear Law Abiding Citizen,
You look AMAZING. I hope you just aren't showing the good parts in the
ads.

Things I've learnt this week:

2010-01-18T18:15:00.002+11:00

So i went on holidays last week, (or really the week before, but same thing really, cause it was kinda a two week holiday, although this post is mainly about the first week).

Here are the things that i learnt during that time....

Travelling:

~ I do not do not enjoy 6am flights
~ I esp do not like self check in when I have to re line up in the
long long line to check my bags in.
~ I do not like having to travel an extra 90 mins on a train AFTER the
plane trip.
~ Being on a train for an hour (with 30 mins to go) and then a plane
for 3 hours is NOT my idea of fun. (i know its similar to the one above, but this was on the way home, and i was flying further then getting there, so different).

Movie world:

~ while I CAN travel from 0-100kms in 2 secs, it WILL feel like my
chest is gonna cave in. But! I WILL do it a second time.
~ the kids roller coaster is better then the head ache giver.

Wet n wild

~while I can walk around in a bikini top, I can not walk around
without shorts on, no matter how small.
~ no matter what is being wore, the males will check it out. Even
gross old males.
~ little kids will NEVER be scared if they are with someone. By
themselves though, is a different story.
~ even if I had been on a slide before, if I am waiting and can hear
the screams or see other people going down it, I WILL be scared.
~ even if I think I'm gonna die, by flying off the sides of a slide, I
NEVER WILL. (although I'm not sure I believe that yet).
~ that people will talk about (not to you about) your tattoos while
waiting in line for food.

Shooting range:

~ guns are LOUD!!
~ I will chicken out at the last min cause guns are NOT FUN.
~ the girls however will enjoy it. All except the shoot gun.
~ Tammy can totally defend herself, Rachel on the other hand... Not so
much.

Whitewater world:

~ is not as good as wet n wild

'Rest' day;

~ the aqua duck is fun until they let the little kids drive...
~ and when they give out annoying duck whistles.
~ dressing up in gangsters clothes is way fun, until you have to sit
up STRAIGHT, no, STRAIGHTER.

Dreamworld:

~ even if a person is in a wheelchair, when a show starts, they can
stand...
~ kids rides ARE funnier then adult rides.
~ as long as you imagine you are just sitting on your couch (with your
eyes closed), the giant drop ISN'T scary at all...
~ the same can be said for the claw, except the second time when you
have your eyes open.
~ even if you're scared the harness will be too tight to breathe, it
is much MUCH better to not make a bigger space when the harness comes
down. ESP on the wipeout.

Other:

~ sister and friend will become addicted to churros (except the ones
at whitewater world and dreamworld, they're gross).
~ sister and friend can NOT make pancakes to save themselves, but
surprisingly can cook a BBQ.
~ the clock going off down the street every 15 mins CAN be heard from
our room. ESP at 7am in the morning AND is SUPER annoying.
~ I WILL need a rest day after two days of theme parks
~ I will wake up everyday earlier then I would if I was going to work.
~ you can never have too much money on holidays. And even when you
think you do, you DON'T.
~ froot loops are ALWAYS better for tea, then breakfast.
~ there Will ALWAYS be queue jumpers or someone who 'knows someone just
up there' no matter where you go.
~ I'm petrified of heights. Even more so when I can see how high up I
am.
~ I do not do not like not being able to see where I'm walking. And I
ESP don't like it when the ground moves like here.
~ I will take a lot of day time naps. But still fall asleep earlier
then usual.
~ Sizzler will always be worth the 45 min wait for food. (IMHO anyway, the others were cranky and don't think they agree).

Lazy fill in post...

2010-01-16T16:13:00.002+11:00

So i just got back from holidays (post about that is coming) and while i recover, i thought i would just do a fill in post...

BOLD WHAT YOU’VE DONE.

Level 1
smoked a cigarette
smoked a cigar
smoked weed
kissed a member of the same sex
drank alcohol

Level 2
said “i love you” to someone
had a pet die
shoplifted
been fired it wasn't so much as fired as never been given more work... but that's the same thing, right?
been in a fist fight
fell down a mountain

Level 3
snuck out of a parent’s house
had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
been arrested
made out with a stranger
gone out on a blind date
lied

Level 4
had a crush on an older person
skipped school
slept with a co-worker
seen someone die

Level 5
had/have a crush on one of your social networking friends
been to Paris
been to Cuba
been on a plane
thrown up from drinking water

Level 6
eaten Sushi
been snowboarding
met someone BECAUSE of a social networking site
been mosh pitting

Level 7
been in an abusive relationship
taken pain killers
have ever loved/liked someone who you can’t have
laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
made a snow angel

Level 8
had a tea party
flown a kite
built a sand castle
gone puddle jumping
played dress up

Level 9
jumped into a pile of leaves
gone sledding
cheated while playing a game
fallen asleep at work/school

Level 10
used a fake/someone else’s ID
watched the sunset
felt an earthquake
killed a snake

Level 11
been tickled
been robbed/vandalized
robbed someone/vandalized
been misunderstood
pet a deer

Level 12
won a contest
been suspended from school
had detention
been in a car/motorcycle accident

Level 13
had/have braces
eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
had deja vu
danced in the moonlight

Level 14
hated the way you look
witnessed a crime
pole danced
questioned your heart
been obsessed with post-it notes

Level 15
squished barefoot through the mud
been lost
been to the opposite side of the world Is Japan opposite??
swam in the ocean/gulf/lake
felt like you were dying

Level 16
cried yourself to sleep
played cops and robbers
recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
sang karaoke.
paid with only coins

Level 17
done something you told yourself you wouldn’t
made prank phone calls
laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
kissed in the rain

Level 18
written a letter to Santa Claus
been kissed under the mistletoe
watched the sun set with someone you care about
blown bubbles
made a bonfire on the beach

Level 19
crashed a party
have traveled more than 5 hours with a car/bus full of people
gone rollerskating/blading
had a wish come true

Level 20
worn pearls
jumped off a bridge.
Screamed ‘PENIS’ in class (so not a scream, really)
gone swimming with dolphins i was in a boat net thing and they were there, that counts, right?

Level 22
got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer
kissed a fish
worn the opposite sex’s clothes
sat on a roof top

Level 23
screamed at the top of your lungs
done/attempted a one-handed cartwheel
talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
stayed up all night

Level 24
picked and ate an apple right off the tree
climbed a tree
had/been in a tree house
are/was scared to watch scary movies alone

Level 25
believe in ghosts
have/had more then 30 pairs of shoes
gone streaking
been in jail not in the sense of being arrested, but in the sense of seeing someone in there...

Level 26
played chicken
been pushed/jumped into a pool with all your clothes on
been told you’re hot by a complete stranger
broken a bone
been easily amused

I gots to get me doing some thing and get everything bolded!!

2009 - we hardly knew you.

2009-12-30T18:26:00.000+11:00

I was going to try not to make it a lame post about the year past, but really, that's what it is gonna be about, so whatever.

This year has gone by so super quick, and i know everyone says that at this time of the year, but truly, this year totally has, (and i know they say that too).

This year has been a semi big year for you.

I went overseas for the first time. Japan. I liked it, the people were nice, wasn't so fond of the snow and not being able to talk Japanese, but it was nice all the same.

I applied for a job i really wanted and didn't get it. I applied for another job just recently and didn't get it. I started casually looking for a new job. (This is gonna beef up in the new year, for sure).

I turned 24, and that is old. I also spend the smallest amount of time ever at a casino.

I cried a lot.

I grew a lot too.

Here are some things that i want to change in 2010.

~ I will listen to better music more. Things like INXS (with JD and Micheal), and Jimmy, and Cat (or Yusuf), and Grinspoon and goodness like that.
~ I WILL pay off ALL my credit cards and actually save money.
~ I will keep my house (mostly) clean
~ I will get a new job.
~ I will be happier.
~ I will see my family more. Whether i go up (or down) to them, or they come to me.
~ I will turn 25, whether i like it or not.
~ I will have more FUN.
~ I will watch less DVDs and go to the movies more. (The husband will like this one).
~ I will take less holidays, but i will go on more adventures.

I hope i met them all.

And i will end on this overheard question:

"when its 2010, will you have to write '010, or just '10 when you write the date?"
They were quite perplexed.

Alone vs. Annoyance vs. TV vs. Jobs

2009-12-21T16:14:00.000+11:00

Sometimes i think i would be better off alone.
Like not so much single, as alone.

People annoy me. Doesn't matter who.
They mostly all annoy me.
More so at Christmas time.

But i think it would suit me, most of the time.
I would get lonely of course, but then i could control it.
I think i have OCD, you see.
Totally self diagnosed, but still.

I have to know stuff. I need to be able to control the things that affect me.
Its bad. Some times its really bad.

I think i could do it.
The alone thing though.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't stand the people who put animals as their Facebook profile.

Sure, you will give your (correct) name, hometown, relationship status, job details and even your Date of Birth.
But a photo of you?!?
No, that can't be done.
Its not like someone can steal your identity with the rest of it, they totally need a photo of you to complete their thievery.

And the only photos you have are of your animals?
Really, you annoy me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I started watching Chuck.
I have to be honest. Not really sucking me in.

Weeds on the other hand.
Gosh.
So much for this lasting the off season.
I have managed to get through 3 seasons in about a week.
A WEEK!!
And the only reason, we switched to Chuck was because we couldn't purchase anymore Weeds here. Gotta wait for it to be shipped from overseas.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I applied for 3 jobs last week.
With different companies.

I have realised that my job isn't going to get me anywhere.

3 jobs I wanted. Well, I wanted 2 of the 3; I just thought 3 was a better number to start with.

I have holidays in January, so I was only gonna start small. (Cos I really want my holidays, dammit!!)

One of the jobs doesn't start til 1 February, so that totally works.

One of the other jobs is a night job. Like earliest start is 9pm and latest finish is 7am. I don’t think I can do that one. I kinda want to try it, see what its like, but the husband doesn't think i should. Cause the whole not seeing each other, and it being further away then the other two. But that company is the one that i want. I don't know.

I have gotten 3 call backs.
One of them did a phone interview and arranged for an actual interview. That’s the good February one.

The other arranged a phone interview.

The third i haven't called back yet. I'm going to call them tomorrow. They seemed very interested though.

I didn't know that I was that much in demand.
If I had known, I would have looked around long ago. (Probably not, but lets say I would).

I have the actual interview on Tuesday.
That is scary.
Apart from the internal jobs, I haven't had an interview in over 5 years.
And before those internal interviews, it would have been at least 36 months since an interview.

I totally work well under pressure, so that’s not a problem in the interviewingness.
I don’t like talking myself up.
I don’t think what I do is extraordinary, so I don’t know how to justify saying that I am.

I hope I get one of them.
I need the change.
I don’t like change. But I really need it now.

Grief and Judgement.

2009-12-19T13:32:00.000+11:00

I read this story today.

Now, while I can’t say that I would or wouldn't do that, I don’t want to say that she did the wrong thing, unlike some of the people who left comments on this article.

Let’s go over the facts.

She asked her older son to do something with the pool, (get a hose or something out of it).
He didn’t realise the gate didn’t shut. It happens. Not his fault.

Mum and older son were then working on something together.
She was not on the computer, or neglecting her children. Not by my standards anyway.

When she realised her son was in the pool, she called the paramedics.
She didn’t ‘tweet’ right away.

Not until the paramedics were there and working on her son, did she reach out for some help.
She asked people for PRAYER.
Just the same as if she had called her family/friends, and not used twitter, she asked for help.
What was she supposed to do?
Jump in and help the paramedics? Stop them from helping her son?

And then.
She was remembering her son when he was gone.
People write memorial posts all the time in the blog world.
People talk about their past losses.
People share with other people about them too.
This is what she was doing.

The difference is she had a limit of 160 characters. She had the thoughts of over 5000 people with her.

People grieve differently. People have fear and pain and they act differently.
Maybe she felt everything was out of control and twitter was something she had control over?

Like I said, I can’t say that I would or wouldn’t do that, I don’t want to say that she did the wrong thing.

Opinions?

Little letters or something...

2009-12-17T23:51:00.001+11:00

So i remember seeing this on someone blog, but i can't really remember AND i already kinda do this, so its not really stealing, really its just the title, but anyway.

Dear Glee,
I heart you. I really do. And i usually don't like singing.
Although in the finale, where parts of the audience was standing while you all were singing, cheesy and i hated that. Don't do that anymore please.

Dear illnesses,
If you come near me one more time this year, i will be very cross. Its like 12 days, come on now. In fact, while I'm here, current illness, please go away right now.

Dear Sam Worthington,
You are so fine, that i am kinda more willing then i seem about wanting to see a stupid movie about giant blue people.

Dear How I Met your Mother,
Marshall and Lily make this show.
Although, I'm not loving how angry Lily has gotten lately.
Whats that about?

Dear Credit cards,
We can be friends in January, i promise i will really try and pay you back in time, but it was Christmas, can't you just hold off with the interest for a little while?

Dear Michael C Hall,
You are amazing.
That is all.
Wait, no its not. I have to say, its a little creepy you married your TV sister.

Dear Job i applied for,
I know i probably didn't get you, and to be honest, i don't know if i still want you. I will be a little disappointed sure, but something tells me that it wont be my loss.

Dear Dexter writers,
OMG to the finale, first.
Second, i really really liked her. Sad.

Dear Christmas parties,
You kinda sucked this year.
Big time.
I don't know if i hope I'm here next year to experience another good one.

Dear True Blood,
Will you ever come back?
I need me some Eric.

Dear PostSecret,
I like that i usually end my weekend on you.

Dear Weeds,
I have heard good things about you.
I'm just using and abusing you in the off season, but you better not disappoint.

Dear Lips,
Why do you get so dry when i drink loads of water?
Should that not not dry you out?

Dear Etsy,
I really love you.
I wish i was a gazillionaire, so i could spend all my money on you.
I totally would.

Dear Robbie Williams,
I admit it, i love you.

Dear Spellcheck,
Stop telling me my words are not real.
The more you do that, the more i will question your spelling ability.

That's all i got for now, but I'm sure that i will continue this letters business, (if i don't forget)

Dear Santa,

2009-12-14T16:50:00.008+11:00

I would like the following please.

One PINK Smeg fridge.

(I'll also need a bigger kitchen to put it in too, though.

One You are all I need poster for said kitchen

I like the red, but it does come in other colours too. I'll accept any, to be honest.

And if you can't get that, I'll also gladly accept the following:

(even though I'm not)
OR

Cause who doesn't need one of them?

I also would like one of these:

And

these:

And even though i may not wear it, i would like

this too:

Now Santa, i know that you have to deliver junk to all the kids, (really, do they not already have enough, with their no responsibilities and freedom? Really?!?), but come on now.

Thanks Santa.

Tweet Tweet!!

2009-12-08T21:06:00.000+11:00

I <3 Twitter.
I really really do.

Here are 10 reasons why its great.

1. Its 140 characters. Its means you gotta be blunt, and that's what i do best!
2. There are no stupid quizzes like Facebook. (or at least none that i have found yet, give it time, i guess).
3. You can follow famous people.
4. You can unfollow annoying famous people.
5. You can update it 20 times a day, and people don't judge you.
6. I twitter. That alone should be enough!
7. Look, I'm too lazy to think of 10, but i gave you 6, so that should be good enough, alright!

Here are the words i most use in my tweets:

And here are some of MY most favourite tweets:

Apparently, I'm funny....
Nope, that wasn't a self compliment. I have been told that.
Yep. Its true. By more then one person too.
I know right?
I'll be honest. They did say that my twitter was funny, but potato, potatoe.

Now, i don't try to be funny, i kinda of use my twitter for a outlet for my anger, and then a notepad thing for blogs, and my brain thoughts, and then for some more anger, and then for cool websites/links that people should look at right now.

I didn't even know how to do the photo thing til recently, and then it was by accident.

So anyway, back to me being funny, (cause its so evidential in this post).

I have tweeted more then 2000 times, and i have selected a few that i think are kinda funny, but maybe not, but then I'm not the one who thinks I'm funny, so maybe I'm not the best person to choose them...

My stupid back is still stupid hurting cause its stupid and hates me. I can totally live without a back right? Its just my lower back...
about 22 hours ago from web

Just washed my hair and got shampoo in my eyes, up my nose and in my mouth. Am i retarded?!?
about 14 hours ago from web

Why are people scared of the rain? It was like 4 billion degrees but now every ones under shelter... People need to walk in the rain more.
9:51 AM Nov 24th from Tweetie

When you are watching a tvshow on DVD, you should be able to skip the opening & end credits. Are you listening tv show DVD makers?!?
11:57 PM Nov 22nd from Tweetie

Why do my lips feel drier when i drink a lot more water then normal? Can someone explain this please?
Really, people, i wanna know this
3:38 PM Nov 19th from web

I hate people who drag their feet. If they are REALLY that heavy, lose some freaking weight, fatty.
11:19 AM Nov 19th from web

I burnt my tongue testing to see if dinner was ready, and then it didn't taste good when i was eating it for real... I think it was good...
8:53 PM Nov 18th from web

I have realised that i LOVE my parents music more then my our era's. I was born at the wrong time.
11:43 AM Nov 18th from web

Sometimes i just agree with what someone is saying cause i can't understand them or wasn't listening... but everyone does that, right?

6:18 PM Nov 17th from web

Does anyone else remember playing, 'heads down, thumbs up' at school? I can't remember (apart from that) how it went.
If you remember, can you please tell me? I still can't remember
10:58 AM Nov 17th from web

Everclear, what ever happened to you? You were so good. Anyone?
2:29 PM Nov 16th from web

Just saw the saddest thing. A dog that had been debarked was trying to bark his heart out, but nothing... So sad.
9:34 AM Nov 16th from Tweetie

Have to admit, the latest Star Trek movie IS pretty good. It could just be that hotness of Mr Quinto, though. Feel free to mock now.
Another reason why i love Heroes too.
5:57 PM Nov 15th from mobile web

I want to rip my teeth out. They hurt... I could totally pull off the toothless look, i reckon.
10:19 PM Nov 13th from web

I'm starting to love this sexy voice thing I've got going on at the moment... It does kinda hurt though... Worth it. I had laryngitis at this time
6:33 PM Nov 12th from Tweetie

David Bowie, you are amazing. He truly is.
6:13 PM Nov 11th from web

Internet, why are you being a shit? 404 is BS and you know it. I have no work to do and need to be entertained, so just WORK!!!I hate 404 error
4:14 PM Nov 11th from web

When you fax something, do you get charged per page or per completed faxing? Like if the fax was yours and not at a newsagent or something.Again, can anyone tell me this?
8:29 AM Nov 10th from web

I wish you could bank sleep. Then make withdrawals when you need more. I'll have an extra 3 hours now please. Can someone get on that?
6:02 AM Nov 10th from Tweetie

Sometimes I wish Twitter was attached to my brain so I wouldn't need to type and my thoughts would just be there.. It would be much easier.
7:05 PM Nov 9th from Tweetie

Sunshine Cleaning. Go hire it. Now.
12:25 AM Nov 9th from web

A league of their own is a great movie. Cleaning pause. I was cleaning my house with the TV on, bad idea
2:26 PM Nov 8th from web

I'd chose Harry over Tom any day.Harry Potter over Tom Cruise. I still stand by my choice.
9:03 PM Nov 6th from Tweetie

I haven't peed all day. That can't be good.
6:06 PM Nov 6th from web

So today is not gonna be good. I've got that drunk unbalanced thing going on already & I haven't left my house yet. Or been drinking.
9:37 AM Nov 6th from Tweetie

You are not butterfly man, you are evil butterfly man.Hiro from Heroes.
12:08 AM Nov 6th from Tweetie

Inside my ribs are itchy.
11:54 PM Nov 5th from Tweetie

Josh Thomas, you are great.
7:23 PM Nov 4th from web

I need a new computer. But don't want to have to buy one. Anyone wanna give me one for no monies?
1:14 PM Nov 4th from web

Big Bang Theory, i love you.
8:08 PM Nov 2nd from web

Sometimes i want to punch Rove in the face, but i can't not watch his show. I have a problem.This ended up being like his 2nd last show EVER.
9:50 PM Nov 1st from web

Um, people driving up and down out the front of my house playing 2pac, it's not 1996. Get some new music. Maybe Y those people yelled at U.For the record, i love/d Tupac. Just not when I'm trying to sleep
1:14 AM Nov 1st from Tweetie

No matter what anybody tries to tell you, Brain shots = not a good idea
10:02 PM Oct 30th from web

Wigs are not as fun as they seem at first...
12:55 PM Oct 30th from web

I wanna go to Sean Penn, Cambodia with Zev and Justin.
9:54 PM Oct 29th from web

I will not be lazy today, I will not be lazy today, I will not be lazy today, I will not be lazy today. Lets face it. I probably will.I probably totally was to be honest
10:48 AM Oct 29th from web

I have wonder woman on my ass, and she has been bothering me all day.
9:40 PM Oct 28th from web

Does anyone else walk race randoms on the street? Secretly, of course. I did just then and totally lost. It was a close call though.
7:09 PM Oct 28th from Tweetie

Just got a email that might have been insulting but not sure... Apparently i have a large persons voice?!?!
3:47 PM Oct 28th from web

I don't want to take off my socks cause it's so darn cold, but I have to have a shower. Oh the dilemma.
8:55 AM Oct 26th from Tweetie

Cake mix is purchased. Forgot the milk, eggs and butter, but almost there. And still have plenty of time.
8:16 PM Oct 25th from web

Excuse me man at maccas, just cause your a bouncer at a strip joint and you have your kid with you, doesn't mean lines don't exist for you.
8:59 PM Oct 23rd from Tweetie

Lets be honest, Tomato sauce with anything is good, right now, tomato sauce and lettuce. Yum!!
1:42 PM Oct 23rd from web

I don't know if i smell like it, or my work smells like it, but i can smell pot. And i didn't smell it before i went to lunch. hmmmm...
1:26 PM Oct 23rd from web

Tomato sauce and cheese has to be one of the best things to eat ever. (i have other things as well, not just that, I'm not a freak).
1:22 PM Oct 23rd from web

So people on the street, are you happy? I didn't wear a dress, but this jeans are making my knees itch. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED?!? Every morning i look out my window to see what the people on the street are wearing to know the type of weather
9:50 AM Oct 23rd from Tweetie

Sometimes i think if i punched someone in the face, it would do the world a favour... how i wish i could help the world.
12:14 PM Oct 22nd from web

I feel like I'm still asleep but am at work and expected to do stuff. This is hard.And i wasn't even hung over!!
11:09 AM Oct 22nd from web

I hate when people bang my desk. Do it again and i will bang your head.
11:22 AM Oct 20th from web

My coaster smells like play doh....
3:00 PM Oct 16th from Tweetie

John Mellancamp, i really really really love you. really.I really really do
1:04 PM Oct 12th from web

Do fish close their eyes when they sleep? Like, do they have eyelids? I think Spike is either ignoring me, or is sleeping...
5:06 PM Oct 8th from web

Dear God, please make it an actual Spring (or Summer) day tomorrow (or Saturday). I have a new dress I would like to wear. Thanks God. Amen.
3:55 PM Oct 8th from Tweetie

Its not a bad thing that i love proving stupid people wrong & that it may be my most favourite thing ever, right?
2:32 PM Oct 1st from web

After a while of eating Burger Rings, they kinda taste like Vegemite.. Trust me, its true. Im talking Original Vegemite, not this 2.0 crap
6:09 PM Sep 28th from web

About to see 500 days of summer. Is it bad that I didn't know what movie we were seeing til I looked at the ticket just then?
2:40 PM Sep 19th from Tweetie

Apparently people in Gosford don't eat on Sundays. Every single place that MIGHT sell food is closed....Was at Gosford for my brothers Grand final. He totally won
3:52 PM Sep 13th from Tweetie

I just found out that my brothers hair feels like wet dog hair. For real.Im glad i got the good hair in my family
9:09 PM Sep 12th from Tweetie

My train announcer sounds like he should be an amusement park ride announcer. A bit too early for that, but good try nonetheless.
9:36 AM Sep 7th from Tweetie

Do Australians really REALLY sound South African on US tv shows? REALLY?!?! I can't handle it...Really? Can someone confirm or disprove this for me please?
10:57 PM Sep 1st from web

I can NEVER go on holidays again, cos i think that people get smarter while im on holidays & get bitterly disappointed cos they didn't.
12:06 PM Aug 31st from web

One day I wanna just press any random button on the ticket machince and visit there. Just to see.Still haven't done this. One Day.
9:45 AM Aug 31st from Tweetie

Hello my bed. How I have missed you...
2:25 AM Aug 29th from Tweetie

I can't believe how many people walk around in socks and bare feet in a bus terminal... Even into the bathrooms....
4:41 PM Aug 28th from Tweetie

So apparently cause I went to bed SO early yesterday, it means God is punishing me with no sleep tonight... Awesome!!
2:22 AM Aug 18th from Tweetie

I have broken my brain. It's not gonna work again... At least, not 4 2nite... Have 2 wait & see if it likes me enough 2 come back tomorrow.
6:57 PM Aug 11th from Tweetie

To Me, stop grinding your teeth. I & U would really appreciate it. Thanks. Yourself.I write letters like this often.
2:12 PM Aug 11th from Tweetie

I have had a yawn stuck in my throat all day... I hate half yawns...
4:45 PM Aug 4th from web

Sick of people saying, U can't get Chicken Pox twice... Apparently, you CAN, cause i DID!! Its great that U care, but U are wrong.
I totally had chicken pox then.
3:54 PM Aug 3rd from web

I just woke up and my stomach hates me.
11:04 AM Jul 13th from Tweetie

I hate the weirdest dream. My nails were failling out and my dad was acting like spoiled lttle kid no matter what happened.
3:56 AM Jul 10th from Tweetie

If U dropped a coin in the bathroom stall and it bounced into someones stall would it be wrong to get it quickly?Was a little bit tippsy when i did this one, and i was at the casino.
10:25 PM Jul 4th from Tweetie

How bad is it that i dont wash with soap my mug that i use for milo? I put a LOT of boiling water in it, & thats it... It wont kill me right
5:40 PM Jul 1st from web

Oh gosh, my buildings fire alarm went off JUST as I got out of the shower...Guess i'm gonna burn, cause I ain't going out there half dressed
9:22 AM Jul 1st from Tweetie

Why does the radio only play 'Manic Monday' on not monday? I like the song, but it kinda is just a MONDAY song....
12:49 PM Jun 30th from web

Why, on a Sunday night, do I never remember that I NEED 8 hours sleep 2 function on Monday? Never ever do I remember. Some1 start reminding!
1:54 AM Jun 15th from Tweetie

WHY WOULD ANYONE CHANGE VEGEMITE...????? Sure, its gross, but people expect the grossness!!
6:20 PM Jun 14th from web

I think that my legs have really really stopped working... I can still feel them, i just can't move them. I know that they will not hold me.
3:09 PM Jun 13th from web

Some days I wish I worked at a family company where I could sleep all day and not get fired. Is that so wrong? Just SOME days...Lets be honest, MOST days.
2:56 PM Jun 11th from Tweetie

Cooked and cleaned the kitchen. I feel like a proper wife. When do i get to be a stay at home one?
11:04 PM Jun 9th from web

Oh my gosh, I just read that full house might be made into a movie!!! Exciting but kinda not as well...Can not remember where i read this, but i am still a little excited about it.
4:02 PM Jun 8th from Tweetie

Samson now jumps when you put UR finger near the tank... Sometimes. But not when Sheldon is around...Cause Samson didn't like Sheldon. But Samson died now. PS.Samson was a fish
4:23 PM Jun 4th from Tweetie

I wonder what babies are thinking when they aren't sleeping and eating but just sitting and staring... Can someone enlighten me please?Well?
4:19 PM May 24th from Tweetie

When do you stop being a 'newlywed'? Just curious, not thinking I'm a newlywed.
10:53 PM May 19th from Tweetie

I want to have steaks, chips and eggs for tea... But someone won't go get the steaks or eggs....
8:51 PM May 17th from web

I have gotten the hiccups every day without fail for like 2 weeks.... That's gotta be something bad, right?
2:28 PM May 13th from Tweetie

I do not like how 'holiday skin body lotion' smells. Not at all... Also, I dislike the word lotion too...
9:19 AM May 6th from Tweetie

So I have a question 4 U all. If ppl could get bird flu & swine flu, why did no 1 get equine flu? All these animal illnesses are confusing!
1:43 PM May 2nd from Tweetie

Why is it, no matter how awake I was already, whenever I have a blanket on the couch I get sleepy & all yawn-y??
12:10 AM May 2nd from Tweetie

I just passed a female in 3 inch heels, (a total guess, but not the point) walking with a CANE!! WTF? Really, really, WTF?
8:09 PM May 1st from web

I have come to a conclusion. Im bored, & when i get bored, i get lazy. So its UR fault & not mine when i get to a lazy stage. Entertain me!
4:42 PM Apr 13th from web

I wish i could slap every person who does not cover their mouth when they cough. Yes, i am in a mood, but it will be worse if i get sick.Its just politeness really.
1:29 PM Apr 13th from web

I was told that me putting on red nailpolish while at work was 'appropriate'. Is this someones way of calling me a whore?
7:40 PM Apr 10th from Tweetie

If trading on Good Friday is blasphemy, then is working on GF blasphemy? U get paid 2 work, so technically UR trading? Its not my fault God!
4:51 PM Apr 10th from web

I think Samson is stupid. I thought he was better, so gave him some food. Again, with the floating.... He needs 2 stop eating AIR already!!
4:17 PM Apr 10th from web

What day do U wish ppl 'happy Easter'. The day He died, or the He rose?? Cos both are good days... Curious..Still dont know.
9:54 AM Apr 10th from Tweetie

People talking on the phone in the bathroom is just gross. Even worse when they put the call on speaker.. Eww.I can not handle this.
12:52 PM Apr 7th from Tweetie

For those of you who dont twitter, notice i didn't write once about going to the bathroom,(well, not really) or my bowel movements, or any of that other crap that people who dont twitter think twitterers do.

It really bugs me that people who dont use something ASSUME such stupid things about something that is not!
So in conclusion, if you are not tweeting, (or is it twittering?) go do it now.

Cry.

2009-12-07T11:22:00.001+11:00

I have an interview today.
Im pretty calm about it.
I thought I would be more nervous.
I was going to prepare for it on the weekend, but ran out of time.
Spent too much time watching "How I met your Mother'.
Priorities.
I didn’t dress up a lot, but the other guy going for it, (who is an idiot, cause he isn’t me), just walked in and he is dressed up. Dammit.

Im kinda OCD about how I set up my computer and what needs to be open where.
Don’t even get me started on if a program freezes and gets out of order.
Or if I have to restart one program.
Don’t judge me.

Anyway, the reason I bought up the OCD business is a sad one.
We have a new websense system at work.
I don’t know if I have spoken about this before.
It sucks and is crappy.
It used to block sites like Facebook, (but who cares, cause I have it on my phone, right?), and I don’t know what else, cause I had other sites that were not blocked.
I had my Twitter, and my blogs and sadly, Perez.
And because I spent most of my day with no work to do, this made me day go by.
Especially on Mondays.
I could relive everyone’s weekend.
Now, I have no Twitter.
Now, I have no Blogs.
Now, I have hours and hours to fill with nothingness.
And I can’t even request that they unblock them, cause they aren’t work related and they assume that everyone works all of the day.
Cry.
Cry a lot.
Tantrum, even.

I do have Twitter on my phone, but its just not the same.
And I can read blogs on my phone, but its so hard. And uses my data.

I already yelled at someone who didn’t get that I NEED these things.

Also, I am posting this from my phone, so usually there would be links and fun-ness, but nope, my stupid work is punishing you too.

OH MY GOSH, THEY HAVE EVEN BLOCKED THE BLOGGESS!!!

Sympathy or frustration?

2009-12-03T11:34:00.004+11:00

I have a guy at my work who annoys me.
He annoys me a lot.
He also sits next to me, so that makes the annoyance even worse.

He is one of those people who will only work 9-5 (or whatever his shift is), and do the minimum amount of work that is needed to show that he actually worked.
Now, I'm not saying he should be off working overtime and through his lunch break and junk, but more then the minimum is all.

So that annoys me. Part one.

He also is one of those people who can't just sit and do what he has to do. If he is bored (even though there is work to do), then he needs to talk to someone. Or be in on a conversation that is happening. Or just be annoying.
OR, and this is the worse, (cause with the sitting next to him, he bugs me first) is looking over to what i am doing, and just randomly talks to me.

'DISCLAIMER: I don't enjoy him. Never have. Have even told him to change his nickname cause it annoys me. He didn't get that i was serious. I give him no more then one or two word answers and they are sternly worded. He still doesn't get it. 'END DISCLAIMER.

So that super annoys me. Part two.

But then i was watching him today. (Totally NOT in a stalker way)

And i think he may be doing this, cause he is lonely. Maybe.
I don't know. But maybe.

I don't know now, whether to feel Sympathy or Annoyance towards him.
He still super annoys me, but....

Ps. On a different note, even though i almost hate her, I'm really enjoying Bad Romance by GAGA.

Stuff that happened.

2009-12-02T20:39:00.000+11:00

Today is my two year wedding anniversary.
We're having pizza for tea and then watching Dexter and that's it.
Last year, we had KFC. (and i don't think Dexter was involved).
We're low key like that.

I like it.

Maybe if our anniversary fell on a weekend and not a day we both had to work, we would do something but meh, either way, I'm happy enough.

Yesterday was my works first Christmas party.
Well, really it was the social clubs party, but same thing in my mind.
It was a cruise and it was quite fun.
My feet and legs were hating on my today though.
And my head was not nice to me either.
And i would like a LOT more sleep.
But it was worth it.

I'm a little bit more excited about the next Christmas party though.

That's all i have for now, cause I'm waiting on my pizza and am getting cross.

Yesterday

2009-11-29T13:59:00.000+11:00

Spent a day with the God kidlets.

Fun was had by all.

PS. Although the God parental ness was given to me, I would love them nonetheless.

Mash up dos

2009-11-25T22:39:00.001+11:00

Why do people lie?
I'm not saying this, cause I'm all truth telling, i lie too.
But i curious as to why?

We say all sorts of things, that are 'white lies', but in the end, won't it hurt the person more then if you told the truth right away?

We claim, that we are sparing their feelings when we say they look good in that outfit, that we loved their Christmas/birthday gift, that we will be friends forever, but then we don't or aren't.

But really, we aren't.
We are just making it easier on ourselves cause we don't have to explain.

So can someone tell me?

-----------------------------------------------------------

Why we squash a bug, we don't care.
But like if a person died, do you think the bugs family (if you can call it that) mourns? Like ants, there are about a billion of them, do they notice when an ant gets squashed and doesn't come back to the nest?

What about puppies and kittens? At pet shops and or breeders? Do you think that the other puppies/kittens realise that their brother or sister is gone, or are they just happy there is more room for them? Do you reckon that they are sad?

------------------------------------------------------------

I cooked dinner for my husband tonight.
He fell asleep halfway through me cooking it.
He is still asleep.
He hasn't eaten any of it yet.
This makes me cross.

IMHO

2009-11-20T11:02:00.004+11:00

I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things. You would see that as soon as you start reading this blog.
Sometimes they contradict, but so what?
That means i can see both sides of the coin of whatever.

Anyway, i have strong opinions about certain things, like child abuse and the law and i really should have continued my stroll into a job in DOCS or welfare or something, but i get lazy, and i was young, and stupid, but anyway.

But then there are things that just make me angry and sad for the world.

THIS is one of them.

Now for those that don't know.

Victor Chang was an AMAZING man.

Wiki says:

Surgical career
In St Vincent's Hospital, he worked with surgeons Dr. Harry Windsor (who had performed Australia's first heart transplant in 1968) and Dr. Mark Shanahan. The advent of anti-rejection drugs in 1980 made heart transplants more feasible, and Chang lobbied politicians and businessmen to raise funds to establish a heart transplant program at St. Vincent's. The first transplant under the program was performed on the 14-year old Fiona Coote on 24 February 1984.

Between 1984 and 1990 Dr. Chang's unit performed over 197 heart transplants and 14 heart-lung transplants. The unit had a high rate of success with 90% of those receiving transplants from the unit surviving beyond the first year. In 1986, Victor Chang was appointed a Companion of the Order of Australia (AC) "In recognition of service to international relations between Australia and China and to medical science".

Concerned about a shortage of organ donors, he arranged financing and assembled a team of scientists and engineers from around the world to develop an artificial heart. That team, working in Singapore, Guangzhou and Sydney, also developed mechanical and tissue heart valves called the St. Vincent's Heart Valves, which were widely implanted throughout Asia. Dr. Chang and his team also made significant progress on the design of an artificial heart. His research projects ended with his death.

Legacy

Life-size bronze statue of Chang outside the Victor Chang Cardiac Research Institute. On 15 February 1994, the Victor Chang Cardiac Research Institute, a body intended to focus on researching "the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of heart muscle diseases", was launched by Prime Minister Paul Keating with Kerry Packer as its patron. The "Dr Victor Chang Science Labs" in Christian Brothers' High School are named after him. In 1999, Prime Minister John Howard announced Chang as Australian of the Century at the People's Choice Awards.

In St Vincent's Hospital, the Victor Chang Lowy Packer Building was established in 2008 with AU$35 million from the state government and $45 million in corporate and private donations. Mary, Crown Princess of Denmark officially opened the building and declared that Chang "was an original thinker and saw the need for research and the development of heart assist devices and, not least, he is known for his legendary caring for his patients and their families". In Time magazine's "A Golden Anniversary" article, which lists people who have shaped the last "50 Years In the South Pacific" (1959–2009), Chang was listed as the figure of 1979–1989.

There is no denying the awesome work that he did and that he made able to continue. And I'm not saying that in the slightest.

What i am saying, is why does the law for EVERYONE get to be changed for him?

What about the other murderers who were let out on the earliest parole date and there was no public outcry about their victims?
Are the others victims lesser people?
What about their families? (the victims, not the killers)
AND why when the decision was already made, and this murderer's family were probably told and aware, then baboom, nope, retracted.
Where was this outcry when the parole hearing came up?
Will the same outcry happen next year when he will be up against the board again? Or will people have forgotten by then again?
Will this outcry happen when his sentence is completed? What will happen then? The law won't be able to do anything then.

I understand that the law is not followed by everyone, just look at the recent Hollywood starlets for any examples, but this person served his time.
At least the time that judge/jury thought was enough for him to be punished. (don't even get me started on the crap sentences that we give out nowadays).

**PLEASE NOTE**
I, in no way, think this person deserved to be let out AT ALL, for killing another human being, this person should be sent to an island with all the other murders to live away from normal people for the rest of their lives. I just hate that the law changes for some people, and i think its unfair for this person, cause again, he is a person.
These type of situations make me think we should still have the death penalty, but then what about the innocent people who are on death row? So I'm in two minds again.

Bad day. Bad, bad day.

2009-11-19T10:41:00.002+11:00

So far:

~ I woke up early, so i could leave early, but i was dilly dallying so i ended up leaving at the same time as usual.

~ I realised that i needed to pick up something from the post office, but forgot the slip thing. (I think they would have been my cute new cowboy boots for the Christmas party, and that would have made me happy.)

~ I use a ticket machine that says 'EXACT FARE ONLY'.
I had the exact fare.
I put in the exact fare.
The stupid machine ate my money.
I was buying a weekly ticket.
$27 down the drain.
I went to the people working.
First one blamed it on me, (the machine now said, 'NO NOTES' cause it ate mine).
I went to the manager. She did nothing except say 'I want to help you only didn't.
Had to buy another ticket. Total cost $54. ANGER.

~ Missed my train cause of the hoopla that just happened.

~ Tried to listen to calming music on the train, (all the good stuff, Linkin Park, Rage, etc), but only one of my earphones would work.

~ Bought toast from the place i go to EVERY DAY.
They burnt it.
I saw the girl go to put it in the bin, but then didn't.
She then scraped off the BLACK and gave it to me.

SUPER ANGER.

And now i have to deal with the stupid people who call me all day. (That's my job).
Its gonna be a LONG day.

Amazing SuperHuman.

2009-11-18T13:54:00.003+11:00

Kurt Fearnley

Now i don't know if you all know the Kokoda Track but to walk it is a HUGE thing where i am from.

Its 96Kms (approx 60 miles) over land, and that alone would put me off.

Wiki says:

The Kokoda Track or Trail is a single-file foot thoroughfare that runs 96 kilometres (60 mi) overland — 60 kilometres (37 mi) in a straight line — through the Owen Stanley Range in Papua New Guinea. The track is the most famous in Papua New Guinea and is renowned as the location of the World War II battle between Japanese and Australian forces in 1942.

The track starts, or ends, at Owers Corner in Central Province, 50 kilometres (31 mi) east of Port Moresby, and then crosses rugged and isolated, terrain, which is only passable on foot, to the village of Kokoda in Oro Province. It reaches a height of 2,190 metres (7,185 ft) as it passes around the peak of Mount Bellamy.[1]

Hot, humid days with intensely cold nights, torrential rainfall and the risk of endemic tropical diseases such as malaria make it a challenge to walk. Despite the challenge posed it is a popular hike that takes between four and twelve days (depending on fitness). Locals have been known to hike the route in three days.

Now, there has been deaths. Many deaths, (i mean after the war), when fit able bodied people have attempted to walk the Track.

Since 2001 there has been a rapid increase in the number of people walking the track. Six Australian trekkers have died from natural causes while attempting to walk the track. Four of those deaths have occurred in 2009, with two in the same week in April and another two 8 days apart in September and October. The deaths have sparked calls for mandatory fitness tests for all walkers before starting.

As popularity for walking the track has increased there have been calls for more regulation of trek operators with some operators taking as many as 150 walkers in a group. In response the Kokoda Track Authority has announced that from the beginning of 2010 tour operators must have a commercial licence which will "address things such as training requirements, first aid details, insurance and conditions for the porters".

But then you have people like Kurt.
Kurt was born without the lower part of his spine.
He just finished walking (crawling) the Kokoda Track.

He had people with him. But he mostly did it on his own.

He says:

Says Fearnley: "For me, a lot of my job is to race for Australia, but you need to pause and think what it is that makes us who we are. Australia has such a tie with Kokoda.

"The history of the guys who fought there has always intrigued me. It is also a chance for me and my family and friends (12 are travelling with him, and adventure company Kokoda Spirit is involved) to get together to experience something unique and challenging and positive. Kokoda is all about mateship and looking out for each other. Everyone says to me: 'You're mad, what are you thinking?"'

Fearnley puts it into perspective. During World War II, "people were crawling down there with legs missing, with limbs missing, with bullets shooting at them, with dysentery, with malaria, with an army on their heels - so whatever happens to us, no matter how tough we seem to be having it, people have had it far worse".

Amazing.
SuperHuman.

For more info check out here

Ps. From 2001 to 2008, he raced in 32 marathons, winning 22 and finishing in a place on the other occasions, including three straight wins in the New York marathon. He has pushed his body to the finishing line in a chair with busted wheels and broken frames.
Amazing.

Destiny

2009-11-17T11:39:00.002+11:00

I got a call yesterday.
It was a blocked number and I have had issues in the past about them, so I didn't answer.
They left a vmail.
I don't usually listen to them either, cause why not just MSG me?
But I did.
It was for a job.
A new job with a new company.
A job I applied for so long ago, that I don't even remember what it was about.

Can anyone tell me what a 'client services' person do?
When I googled it, it was all craziness that I would not have applied to do....

Anyway, it made me think really hard.
About what I want.
About what I need.
Spoke to the husband, and decided I would call them back.
So I called.
Got the damn voicemail.
But I left a msg.
It was scary.
I don't like change and this would be starting all over again.
Waiting on a call back.
Don't think it's likely in this GFC, job craziness that I'll get a call back AGAIN.
But we'll see.
Still think I'm gonna apply for the role here too though.
Just to see.
I don't have my heart set on it and I think if I don't get it, it'll be OK.
Cause even if I don't get a call back from this new company lady, I know there are other options.
And that's good for now.

I think that God or Buddha or Mohammad, or fate saw me freaking out and wanted me to not anymore.
I think I'm OK with that.

This post helped me too. (except not the baseball part).

What do i want?

2009-11-13T15:02:00.003+11:00

What do i want?

A job ad came out today.

The job that she had.

A job that i want.

But i don't want her job. I want to work with her.

I don't know if after seeing what she went through, whether i could even do it. I probably could do the work, but the stress and the everything that came with it, i don't know if i could handle it as much as she did.

It is a job that i would like to do.

The negatives are always on my mind though.

I don't like the remaining people in that team. I don't know if i could work with them.
It would be more ME then US, but there would still be an US.

I wasn't good enough last time i tried to be a part of that team, and it nearly killed me.
I don't know if i could even think about going through that again.

In my mind, it seems like I'm trying to be her. I don't know if people think that, but we were similar, and now, if i got it, i would just be slotted in.

It seems lonely. In my role currently, i have frustrations, but i also have people who i can rant to, and they get it. There i would be alone.

But then there are positives.

I would have some control over what people know.
In my current role, i don't have that, and it is the most frustrating thing.

I would be in a better job. A job that is easier to explain when people ask, and a generally better job.

I would not be where i am.
I would be able to start and finish work when i needed to. No more sitting around with no work for 3 hours just cause i had to be here.
I would not just be wasting away my knowledge while I'm stuck in a job i have had for 4 years.

I would be DOING SOMETHING WORTHWHILE.

But i don't know what i want.

Do i really really want this?
I wanted it before, but is it what i want now?

Remembrance Day

2009-11-11T22:58:00.003+11:00

It was Remembrance Day today.

It makes me sad.

Sad but proud.
So proud.

The same feeling as ANZAC Day.

I never really got when i was at school. I mean, we had the minute silence and did all that when i was at school, but back then it was just a half a day off school, and i didn't really get it.

But on the last few years, i have gotten it.

I saw a man last ANZAC day on the train. An older man, with medals. A lot of medals. And i felt pride. Proud of him and his bravery and dedication to the place that i live.

I know that i could never in a million years be brave enough to do that.
In an manner.
Whether there was a war or not.

I would love to be able to say, 'I'm a soldier' or something like that.
But I'm not brave.

I know that i will probably never be brave enough.

Thank God for them.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

Motivatied - Smotivatied

2009-11-09T18:23:00.004+11:00

Hi.
I have a problem.

I have diagnosed it as Half motivation-itis. (cause all illness need the itis business, right?).

In real people terms it means that i have the hope to do a lot of things, but i will more then likely get halfway through them, and lose motivation and then it will never be finished. I will be very surprised if this post gets posted today, (9/11 - added the date for the pressure), and not sit for days and days when i lose motivation.

Now, this isn't always the case, just with things that are 'due'. I was able to do assignments at school completely and get them in on time (most of the time anyway), i was able to finish tests within the allocated time limit.
At work, if i am told something needs to be done, by close of business, end of the week, end of the month, it is, or is done earlier.

I work super well with pressure.
I think my work is better, too.

But take that pressure away and hello to half motivation-itis.

Here are some examples:

~ I had every intention of cleaning my whole house yesterday. Like vacuum, really spring clean, the bathroom, EVERYTHING. I got to the point of being ready to vacuum and had enough. My house is clean, just not CLEAN..
No pressure, so meh.
Now if someone was going to be coming over and seeing my house, the vacuum and everything would have been done.

~ One of the things that i have to do as part of my job has a turnaround time of 48 hours. Which means it should get done within 48 hours of getting it in. 48 hours means that there is always tomorrow. Always.
I will do ANYTHING else other then get that work done.

Another thing that is a symptom of half motivation-itis is the lose of motivation when there is a small amount of work to be done.

If i have 3 things to do, as opposed to 30 things, i wont do the 3 things.
Why?
Cause of my job, i have to be here whether i have work or not, so i wont do them, because then i will know that i will have nothing to do, as opposed to knowing that there is work to be done, that I'm just not doing.

Makes sense, right?

So, its totally a real illness and i should be a doctor and wear a white coat and then people wont question me when im doing nothing but wandering.

Ps. i think that Spike is getting the same sickness as what killed Samson. That makes me VERY sad, but it could also be that the tank needs to be cleaned. Tomorrow.

Sunburn...

2009-11-08T18:12:00.004+11:00

Went to Sculpture by the Sea yesterday.

A
M
A
Z
I
N
G
!
!
!

You need to go to see it if you can.

Also, yesterday they had Bumblebee there, so the husband was happy about that too...

Got really really sunburnt though.

Now, for the photos.

Ps. I really really do not like the way the photos are all gobbledygook, instead of the actual pictures when you upload them.

Sick again...

2009-11-04T09:19:00.003+11:00

So i usually never get sick.
I say usually, cause this year has sucked as far as sickness.

I have had the flu at least 3 times. I had the chicken pox (for the second time), and now, i have laryngitis.

I hate being sick.

I hate having to use my 100's of sick hours when I'm actually sick.

Cry.

Also, i got meds that say i have to take after eating, but i don't really do breakfast, so if i take it without eating, i wont die, right?

Sad day.

2009-11-02T17:19:00.003+11:00

I am sad today.

An awesome, amazing, passionate person quit at my work today.

She was someone who pushed you cause she knew that you could do it, no matter how much you didn't think you could.

I was sick today.
I missed her last day.
This makes me sadder.

People didn't always agree with her, or the way she did things, but she was fighting a good fight. She was fighting for the customers and wanted to make things as easy as possible for EVERYONE. Even if it made it hard for her.

People didn't always understand that.

I am sad.

She made me want to work harder, because she encouraged. She acknowledged. She actually gave a shit.

Not many people at my work are like that.

That also makes me sad.

I can't even put into words my feelings, cause it feels like just blah.