Family time is fun time...

I went to visit my family this past weekend.

I love doing this. But i hate doing it at the same time.

I live in the city and they live basically, what could be classed as (and what my husband calls) the country. Its not really the country, but its far enough away and so completely different that it just is.

I love seeing them, and i don't see them enough, so its great when we do go up there, but i hate it cause it means that i pretty much have no weekend.

I finish work at 7pm every day, so if we leave right after work, we don't get to their house until at least 9pm. At the very earliest. No kidding. Now, we wouldn't normally, go up there right after work, because that means that we would have to take our weekend junk to work, and that's just a hassle.

But, if we go up on Saturday, it means a longer trip, AND we need to get up early, and that means no weekend sleep in. Boo.

And then when we come home, on Sunday, it means, to not actually just waste the day on the train, ( did i mention, that we don't drive? OK, we don't drive, we have a parking spot, but no car), we have to leave pretty late, so we get home late, and no weekend. : (

So seeing family = no weekend, which works out pretty good, except it means that we have to do all the weekend stuff after work during the week, which means, they usually don't get done.... Like the washing and the cleaning, and the shopping...

My little brother and sister also are kinda sporty people, (totally the opposite of me), so when we go there for the weekend, we either go watch them play sport, or they sometimes, don't go to their sport, (which is kinda bad, cause they need to pay for it at the beginning of the year, so its kinda wasted money...), but its more the sister then the brother that stops the sport, nothing stops my little brother from his football, and golf... No matter if he is invited to go see Transformers or not!!

So yesterday, my 'little' brother had his football, and this morning my sister went to soccer. We went to his football game and below are some photos of said watching of the game:

This is obviously how interested i was in the game...

(its the pretty clouds, and i have at least 5 photos all similar to this)

Myself, my little sister and her friend - not one of us looking the direction of where the game was being played.

This is the leagues club that sponsored the teams, i guess...

Anyway, there were these cute little girls playing over in that direction.

Obviously, its a little hard to see, but i only had my phone to take pictures.

Shoot me.

First photo of where the game is!!

However, i think you can only see one or two players...

But that guy fully in the picture is my dear Dad. He's the manager, which basically means, you get a chair to sit on and get to sit next to the players on the field. I'm sure there is other junk to do, (he was quite stressed before leaving for the game and had to get there like 3 hours before the game started), but, I'm really jealous of the chair.

So that was the football, i don't have any photos of the soccer, cause i would have had to get up at like 6am on a Sunday, and i don't even get up that early on a weekday for work. Sorry, sister dear, i love you and all, but i love my sleep more. Also, we took you to the movies, (when i could have gotten a lift (in a car) home, instead of the train) so i don't have that much to feel guilty about. Plus, we went to your game last time, and not his, so fair fair.

It makes me sad that i barely go up there, the last time we went up was to drop my little sister off, after her and her friend stayed with us for a week... Before that i think it was Christmas. I really hate that i can't go up there more often. I think it has to do with the no car thing, and the travel thing, and then no weekend thing, and the we like sleep thing. I hate that i basically only see them, for birthdays. (it was my little sisters 14th birthday on Friday, hence the need to go up there).

Oh, and PS. He totally won. The final score was 46-6 i think. I know it was 40-something to 6 anyway.

Dream a little dream for me....

I had the oddest dream this morning.

It was one of those awake/asleep dreams, where you had already woken up, but then went back to just sleeping and dreaming.

I think these are the only times that i dream, or at least the only times that i remember these dreams anyway...

So let the analysing begin.

So it started inside a house, i don't know what type of house it was, but everything was kinda of open, so you could see every room except the bathroom and the kitchen.
It seemed all very pretty and nice, and clean... which is not how i usually have my house.

So, suddenly i was in the kitchen, and it kinda looked like a kitchen i had at my dads house like 8 years ago, it was an old house and the kitchen was kinda built into what used to be the patio. The kitchen was all old still, but i had decorated it like i have my kitchen now, with photos and random junk, so it was actually MY kitchen. I turned around and saw in the bin (i know gross), were letters that were ripped up into small pieces but big enough to still read. At first i thought that they were my friend that is now overseas and i started to get cross, but then i realised they were from an ex. **who has never written me a letter in my life and i dont talk to at all anymore**

THEN -

All of a sudden other people were also living in my house, and they were changing up the kitchen and that made me cross!! **I have never lived with other people then partners and family, and i just can't, cause i have self diagnosed OCD problems and things always have to be MY way**

Switch to me being outside, and the outside of the house being like an old farm house on a large property, but with another smaller house kinda behind 'my' house.

This would be my house, but also imagine a smaller one, to the left of it.

So even though I'm at the front of the house, i notice some people, (not my house mates), closer to the back, and recognise them as people i went to summer camp with, at least 10 years ago. (I still stay in facebook contact with one of these people).
So even though I'm at the front of the house, apparently i can only really enter it from the back door, so i walk towards these friends, and go towards the back of the house.
When i get to the back of it, it turned into one of those underground houses, you know the ones that have grass roofs?

Kinda like this

So we climbed up on the roof to go inside, and this bright light turns on and basically blinds us, and then one of the friends goes to go in, (the door is kinda like a sewer entry), and then i wake up.

Can anyone explain what the hell this all means?

No, your child is not cute.

Now, i don't want to say all this and then back down when i start popping out babies, but if my child is not cute, please someone tell me.
Everyone, this child (while probably photo shopped), is not cute:

While i would love to say this child is cute, i can not.
**I'm so sorry to the parents, but i found this picture on Google after googling ugly babies**
I only bring this up, as friends of mine had a child, and while both of them were quite attractive, their child (to start with), was not. I'm not saying this to be mean, but the little one looks like she is growing into her looks, cause i see her now, and i can kinda see the cuteness, but then, no way.
And what annoyed me worse, was, everyone was like, ohhhh, so cute, gorgeous, etc etc. WHY DO PEOPLE LIE ABOUT STUFF LIKE THIS?
I admit, she had the most amazing eyes, but her eyes compared to her face was just not proportional.
Now, I couldn't comment and say she was something she was not, and i wouldn't expect people to do that to my (future) children either. I just don't think its right.



Children, cuteness, lies

Im joining the herd..

OK, i am noticing a theme with blogs today, and hmmmm i wonder what that is.

Lets see....

That's right.

Michael Jackson is dead, etc etc.

Now, I'm not a heartless biatch, or anything like that, but i have had enough and i need to blog, cos everyone i talk to about it, is all sad waa waa babies and wont have a CONVERSATION about it, but instead just want to wallow about it. Blah.

Now, i was born in the mid 80s. I'm not old enough (or sheltered too much) to have gone through a 'Micheal Jackson' stage. Unlike most people that i know who are older then me.

I got to know Micheal as "Wacko Jacko". The one who paid off a small boy when he was up against pedo charges. I knew the Michael when the whole 'is he black or is he white?' business was happening. I knew the Micheal when he was having random kids, (although from the photos i have seen his kids are beautiful, so no disrespect to them). I knew the Micheal when he was holding his child 'Blanket' over the hotel balcony. I knew Micheal when he went on that Documentary and i knew the Micheal that was in hiding up til today.

Now, obviously, i knew of some of his songs, i know the main ones, but i can't say that i have seen the whole clip of thriller, nor of we are the world (?), and i think i have only seen the black or white clip once.

I don't understand the big hoopla people make when 'celebrities' pass. i get that you know them, but do you really?

Do you know what his kids call him or what his favourite book or TV show is? Do you know his favourite birthday? Do you know what his friends call him? Do you what he is like when he wakes up in the morning? Or when he hasn't gotten enough sleep?
All of those things, i know of my FRIENDS. And my FRIENDS know these things of me.

Its always the same when a celebrity dies, and i don't get it. I am made out to be a heartless person, because i am honest when i hear someone crying about missing said person on the radio. How can you miss someone you don't really know?
I understand that you have his music, but his music is still there. I understand that you know that he is still there, but he was barely out and about.

Can someone explain this phenomenon to me please?

The same thing happened when Heath Ledger died/killed himself.
And again, i was being heartless, because i wasn't upset.

What also upsets me is that Farrah Fawcatt also died today. Did you know this? I doubt many people do.

It seemed like she a beautiful lady, who died slowly over years from a terrible disease that affects many. Yet, she is a side note from the fabulous Micheal. Like she is worth less as a person.
How can we let something like that happen?

PS. On a side note, it is my little sisters birthday today, and i am refusing to speak of death on what should be a happy day for her. I will not allow her birthday to turn into a death day. I had a friend who's birthday is 9/11, only before 9/11, but he was forgotten about that year which is just really really sad to me.

I've been awondering...

I was thinking about this just a little while ago, and it got me awondering...

So I live in kinda a hooker filled area. Not only hooker filled, but where all the 'cool kids' come to hang out on a Saturday night. Now if you were to ask me to point any hookers out, barr a few, I probably couldn't. At least not on a Saturday night.

However, what I probably would point out the "slutty" girls. I don't know if anyone else is noticing this, or what, but I am getting a little scared for my little sister, as she gets older and the dressing gets more and more lax...

Now, when i was young, (cause i totally grew up in the 50's), it was a little inappropriate to dress in as little as possible, while still being covered. (Here i tried to find a picture, however, this is something i would not recommend).

But now a days, its just accepted. Completely and utterly accepted. I just don't get it.

I don't get it at all.

Why is it so accepted?

Why do we think its OK for our young girls to dress like Paris Hilton and the like? I have nothing against Paris as a person, (i don't know her, so i can only judge from afar), but the way she acts and dresses makes me sad for the future.

Who said one day, that this was OK, and can this person now say, no, its not OK anymore, stop and reverse to when people were nice and proper.

I just do not like it at all.

I hope that when i have kids, i won't need to keep them in a bubble, and have them feel different, because they are polite, and 'nice'. I hope that the time cycle, (you know the one, where old becomes new again, with clothes and the like), cycles to back to then.

Ps. I really like where i live, even though it may not sound like it, in this post, or another one on homelessness...

Seaquest DSV

Does anyone else remember Sea Quest DSV?

I was thinking about this the other day, actually i was thinking about something else, (explained below) and i thought they were from SeaQuest, but they were not, but that got me on the topic of SeaQuest and just wow.

Now, don't even ask me the story lines, cause i have no clue, i just remember the show and him...

Does anyone else remember him?

Jonathan Brandis.

Now, he was the reason that i watched the show, however, lets all remember this show was out in 1993. Keep in mind, that at that time, i was in YEAR 3, however, it went on til 1996, so it was fair.

This was a time when JTT, (remember him?!?!) was huge too, so don't judge me.

Anyway, so since i was looking up Seaquest, i thought that i would wiki Jonathan. And this is what i found out:

On November 12,

2003, Brandis died at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles from injuries he suffered after he hanged himself. He was 27 years old. The Los Angeles Police Department released a statement regarding his death:

On November 11, 2003, at about 11:40 p.m., a friend of

Jonathan Brandis called police to report that the actor had

attempted suicide at his apartment, located in the 600 block of

Detroit Avenue. Paramedics from the Los Angeles Fire

department responded and transported Brandis to Cedars Sinai

Medical Center where he eventually died from his injuries. Brandis'

death was announced by hospital staff on November 12, 2003, at

about 2:45 p.m."

Brandis did not leave a

suicide note, although friends were quoted as saying he was lonely and

depressed about his lagging career. One friend admitted that Brandis drank

heavily, and had even mentioned that he might kill himself. He was also said to

be upset when his appearance in Hart's War, a role he hoped would be his

comeback, was cut from the film

Anyway, back to what bought me to Seaquest.

Now, this is a terrible photo, and forget about the glasses, but i have asked everyone and no one can help me.

Can anyone remember the show that had someone that may have looked like this:

That blue stuff was like scale-y, (like a fish) and it was a show, but i can't remember. I know that the blue thing was at least there, but it could also be elsewhere.

Please blog people, i know i am terrible at paint, but still.

Ahem... Birthday... ahem.

Oh my gosh, I saw an ad for this site in the newspaper for this cool candle holder, (which i haven't actually looked yet...) But then i found all this cool stuff i want. My birthday is totally in 2 week as well, so ahem...

An Incense holder:

These are decals.

Imagine these being on your wall:

These hands kinda freak me out, but i still would love to see them on my wall.

And look at how awesome this table is!!

And i really love these mirrors too.

Like i said, this site is awesome.

Go buy stuff from there, if there are enough people going there from here, they might give me free stuff. Cos i always accept free stuff.

PS> There were way more that i wanted, but then you would have been here all day looking, so i stopped...

Oh my gosh, i just discovered, they have jewellery too!!

Ok, i just found the candles.

Awesome, just Awesome:

Silence is golden...

Bebebeep beebeep bebebeep

Bebebeep beebeep bebebeep

You all know it. That annoying Nokia MSG tone that other people think is cool.

There is a new one that's just as annoying for the iPhone, but I can't get the tone of it.



Like I have said before, I work for a telco, so one would assume we get the newest phone and that means that those annoying tones I hear at work first, then when people get over them at work, it goes out to the public and I get to hear it all over again!!!


I don't just hate MSG tones, I hate ring tones as well. I hate the songs that people play as a ring tone.

I hate those novelty tones and I ESP hate the ads that are shown for those tones. If I had my way, I would make sure that everyone's phone was on silent ALL THE TIME, no matter what. Or, I would cancel phone calls altogether and just text mag everyone.

Dress appropriately, dammit!

**Please note when i say thongs in this post, i mean flips flops, not the underwear. Just wanted to get that sorted first**

So, in winter time, it gets cold, right?

This is pretty much common sense, one would assume, and one would also assume, that when its cold that people would dress appropriately to make sure they don't get sick or freeze to death etc etc.

One would assume wrongly.

This is what i see when i walk to work:

That would be a jumper, (or a sweater), with BOARD SHORTS, yes, the type you swim in, and thongs.

Now, has the world gone bonkers...?!!?

If one is cold enough to wear a jumper, then you would assume, that they would maybe rethink the bottom half of their outfit for the day, no?

I just don't get it?

I mean, i do not like the cold, (says the person who went to Japan for the snow season and is now organising a trip to the Australian ski fields, but anyway), i don't. I will be the first to get a blanket for the couch in March, and have the biggest warmest blanket on the bed.

I am the one who wears a big (almost) ski jacket to work cause i am just that cold!!

Can someone explain this stupid fashion to me please? I just do not get it at all.

In the summer months, i would understand it, minus the jumper of course. But its cold!! Do you want your toes to get frost bite and fall off? Or is that how you prove your manliness?

Oh, and PS. when searching on 'JUMPER' that was the best picture i could find. All the rest were jumper castles, (understandable), AFL (boo!) jerseys or dogs clothes...?!?!

DOCs and this baby dilemma.

Previous to working where i work now, i studied to work with departments like Docs and the like.

When we were half way through the diploma, (that's what it was called, but lets face it, it was a TAFE course. And that just adds to the problem), we were told, that IF we got a job with Docs , (out of one of three classes of 30, only possibly a max of 30 would get an INTERVIEW), it would be a lot more work then what we had in the course, and there would be a lot of unpaid overtime hours, that would probably be the same amount of hours one would normally work.

Imagine being told that halfway through a course that you may come out of it with an interview and that's it. For two plus years of study. Now i know that most people in Uni don't come away with a guaranteed job, i get that, but with the need of people willing to work in that field, its terrible.

However, what makes me so cross about people and when people talk about Docs is cases like this: http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25646601-421,00.html

I understand that this is a terrible situation, and I, like the father, would hate for it to my (future) daughter. BUT!
There is only so much a department like that can do.

There are guidelines that need to be followed and processes and procedures that need to be met. Just like any other job. They can not just come riding in and lock this poor poor girl away in an ivory tower until she is of legal consenting age. And that's what it seems like people want.

This is about two consenting people, (not adults, but no longer children), who made a decision, which turned out to have huge consequences for all involved.

There is not much that Docs can do without getting some sort of backlash from someone.

Lets look at another story that is happening right now: http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/story/0,,25649544-5008620,00.html

Here, Docs are trying to at least teach this person (again, not an adult but no longer a child), how to have a safe lifestyle. What is the other option? Tell the girl that she is 'naughty' and 'to stop doing what she is doing' and send her on her way? That is not an option.

So, what i believe is two sides of similar situations and Docs are wrong in both??? When are they ever right?

I understand that 12 year olds, or 13 year olds, or even 14 year olds, shouldn't be having sex, i know for certain that i wasn't, i don't believe i even knew all the different types of 'sex' at that age! But what are the other options available? Lock them away?

I am very sick of people all condemning Docs about situations like this when there is only so much that can be done.

I understand that this pregnant girl is 12, however, she was not being abused, (in the broad sense of the word), and she was consenting. *Yes, i understand that the age of consent is something like 16, but when asked if she wants to press charges, she declined*

And yes, I understand that there are cases where Docs have not done all that could have been done, however, that is not the point here.

But then this is just funny: http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25648889-401,00.html

***Update***

How is this helpful?

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25654141-421,00.html

Lets make this 12 year old a single mother?

Good plan.

Hiccups

Dear God,

I would appreciate it if you never gave me the hiccups again.

I know that hiccups are caused by drinking carbonated or alcoholic beverages, but well, I get them at least 4 times a week!!!

Usually towards the end of my work day, and a LONG time after drinking carbonated beverages... (at least 2 hours), and I would never drink alcohol at work!

But God you know this, since you are all seeing and knowing and that...

Wiki, which I think you would know about, says that the best way to stop the hiccups is "to just forget about them." A little hard when it hurts my chest cavity everytime I hiccup!!

God, if you could just stop me from getting them I would be grateful and all that. I would prefer not to have the chest pain and annoyingness that is hiccups.

And although people think me hiccuping is 'cute', thanks for making them cute, God, it's just more painful then anything else...

Thank you God.

Amen.

Oh, and can you look after the soilders in war and get rid of swine flu, and keep my family and friends safe.

Now, Amen.

Why am i waiting...

No, Andy Warhol, it doesn't.

I absolutely, HATE waiting. I dont care what the reasons are, if i need to go somewhere, and i have told you we are going at said time, then you are either ready or i get cross.

I don't care what the excuse is, i just can not standing waiting for anyone.

I don't think that this is classed as impatient, cos when something is loading or frozen, (like a computer and junk), but if its somebody that i am waiting on, well, they better get their hurry on!!.

I dont know what it is, but i think it may have something to do with me not being able to be late. I get all antsy when i know that im even going to get somewhere on time and not early, (please note this antsy feeling does not include when im coming into work).

So, advance warning, if you are going anywhere with me, do not make me wait!!

You ain't no friend of mine!

I hate parts of being a female. 

I dont know if everyone feels like this, but here is my rant of what i hate about it. 

I hate my monthly 'friend'. 

I know for sure that if someone I knew, (as in an actual friend), who made me be in this much pain on a monthly on basis,that they would definitely not be my friend for more then a month or two. 100 and 50% for sure!!

I hate that I get over overwhemingly emotional cause of this 'friend'. I just saw the ad on this blog ( i was blog stalking), AND IT MADE ME CRY. YES CRY!!! Not bawling cry, but there were tears. I hate that. That crying over dancing people ads is not me. 

I hate that I lose my patience when my 'friend' is due to visit. In my job i need a lot of patience. A lot. And when i have less patient then normal, i get called a bitch. Now, cause my department is now a group of guys, (some with partners, some without), they just think I'm being a bitch, they don't understand. I hate that. 

I hate that i literally can not move in the first day or two without being in overwhelming pain. Yes, i am being serious and am not exaggerating. HOWEVER, i do like that this means my husband is super nice to me, and i *sometimes* get breakfast in bed, but most of the time, all meals on the couch. That's a good part, but in no way makes up for the pain. 

I hate that my emotional state causes me to think, that he is thinking, what is it in for him, and then second guess the niceness that he is doing for me... 

I hate when my 'friend' visits on the weekend, cause my weekend is dead then. Completely dead. At least when i get this visitor during the week, i can do one of two things, either call in sick to work, (which to be honest, i have only done once or twice for this reason), or go to work and feel and look and act so sick, and weak, (cause i get all so weak that even if the pain allowed me to be able to move proper, my body literally would barely be able to move me.), so i get all the are you ok's? and do you need any help etc etc, and its great! I also get to dose up on nurofen plus's and that's good too. I feel guilty about dosing up at home, cause i don't need need to make the pain go away cause its not like I'm going to be going anywhere... 

That is what i hate. 

Judge Judy

So I had some leave from work the other week, first part of the week was spend in a different state with the in laws...

Second half of the week was spend at home, while hubby decided he didn't want to have more days off then absolutely needed. Silly boy, but excellent for me!!

Anyway, the one GREAT thing about being home when I'm usually at work is daytime TV.

I <3> Daytime TV.

I liked it better when I was in school and could spend from 11am til like 4pm on the couch just watching, (and then rush to clean up and do the stuff you were supposed to before the parents got home).

Those were the days of Ricki, (go Ricki, go Ricki!) and Jerry (Jerr-E, Jerr-E!!) and Oprah (when she was skinny skinny and then HUGE) and then when i had cable, MAURY (I ain't that baby's daddy!) and then the greatest show EVER IN YHE HISTORY OF TV.

JUDGE JUDY.

Need I say more?

I love her. I would hate to wrong her, or even be her child if I was naughty, but I love love love watching her. More then anything in the world.

I arrange my day off around making sure I am home to watch the show...

My husband got me her DVD for Christmas (yes, there is a DVD), and he just told me that another one is coming out this time a double box set!! So excited! Sad I know, but my gosh!!

Anyway, here I am pushing the love on the judge, and really this post is about something.

I need to know people, I know that there are a bunch of 'judgy' shows but are people really really like that?

REALLY?!?!

I mean I love the entertainment aspect and I wonder if the rulings are really real, but are people really like that?

I was disappointed that some Jerry shows were fake, but to know the judge was not real, that would make me so depressed and lose such disappointment in the world...

And I will end this with:

The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final.

Oh and PS. I found this link of her quotes.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115227/quotes

GOLD!

THE Job

This happened a little while ago, but it still plays on my mind and I hate hate HATE that it does, so I thought by sharing, I might be able to finally let it go. Maybe.

Sorry there are no pictures in this post.



So I have mentioned my work a few times cos that's where most of my hates come from, but this is yet another work story. I don't know if I have said this or not, (and I'm being too lazy to look back and check), but I have been with my company almost 5 years. It'll be 5 years in about a month. I started there a little over a year after I left school and after a year of the most boring tafe course of what I thought I wanted to do.It has been my first REAL job.



Also note that I don't like rejection very much. This will come up later. ; p



So when I started this job I was just a rep, (oh and ps. In case I didn't mention it earlier also, I work at a call centre, again the laziness). So I was at the bottom of the rung. Being my first job and being young (or youngish at least), I had no career plans. Plus I still kinda don't. It's not that didn't plan on being loyal to the company and all that, it's just it was a job to start with and I had just discovered that I wasn't set to do what i thought I wanted so this job was basically to live.



Anyway, back to the bottom of the rung. While I was at that point I had a manager who was and still is one of the best people I have ever worked under, bar nothing. I guess I was kind lucky in that regard, but looking back now, maybe I was spoiled because of it too.



While he went onto another job, (inside the company) I got another manager who was close to one of the worst I have ever had, (and still is one of the worse I see to this day. When I heard that this person will be leaving the company, I started counting down the days). The only one good thing that this person did was push to have me moved to a higher department. And when I saw push, I mean push, because of her bad management, I had gotten to the point of not caring and needed something to change.



**please note that while I was still in the same job that I had started in, people of less skill then me were moving up the ranks. Not saying that to brag, but you can tell the slackers from the not and I was part of the not. **



Anyway, that takes me to the job I'm in now. I got the position about 18 months after starting at the company and I'm still here... At that point though, awesome manager was the manager of that team, since then, i have had a half manager, a good manager who went on maternity leave, no manager, and then my current manager.



I think there are many reasons why i am still here, but it is also in part, due to the following things:

^ my none committal to a career. I'm still young (ish) I have NFC (like nfi but clue instead of idea) what I WANT!

^ my inability to see how much I actually really do. Also the inability of my management to be able to see that.

^ my inability to suck up. My workplace has become a place of vacuum's and it's annoying. I will not drop to that level to get ahead. I will do the work that is required of me and more, if you don't notice, then I will drop back to only what is required of me. I don't think that's too harsh.

^ my managers inability to actually who works around him and not just the people who suck up and do nothing. This is one of the HUGEST things that make me angry about my job. In a team of two, I could be carrying the whole workload, but my 'team mate' was bff's with the manager so he was blind that nothing from that person was being done.



I need encouragement and some acknowledgement. I don't know what it is, but if I don't get either of those, I get discouraged and no matter how much wok I do, I just don't think anything of it and just get it done. My manager seems to not understand this, OR he understands this and uses it to HIS advantage.... (I just thought d that and it kids makes sense, although I'm writing this at 2am, so maybe not).



So anyway, back to THE JOB. My friend, a lass who used to be in my team (when there was more then 2 of us), saw this job advertised and encouraged (*read pushed with all her might*) me to apply. This is where the rejection comes in.This was the first job I applied for apart from the one 4 or so years ago.MY MANAGER DIDN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT I WAS APPLYING FOR THIS ROLE EXCEPT TO SAY HE READ MY RESUME WHEN I EMAILED IT TO HIM TO GET APPROVAL FOR THE APPLICATION.Now, I'm not expecting one on one interview coaching with him, but even a meeting to say, do you need help with anything, here is what you might wanna point out that you have done, a 15 min meeting would have done it. But what did I get? A ONE WORD EMAIL. Thanks mister boss man!! So anyway, interview time, I'm as nervous as something that's always nervous and I had nfi what the help I should be saying, so I spend MOST of the interview apologizing. Yep, apologizing. Great impression there!!

The next day I had a weeks leave, so I get a call the on my first day of leave, (note also, that I don't answer private numbers, so when I got two private calls I didn't answer, UNTIL pushy friend (and I say that with love) msged me and told me to answer! Another great impression there!, saying that I wasn't right for this role (boo!) but we put your name down for this other role that you would be better suited for just cos you were so great in the interview and all (that apparently doesn't happen, so at first I thought yay!! But damn ANOTHER INTERVIEW?!?).



I looked at the job description of the second job and it was actually better for me and kinda what I had hoped the first one was so better, yes. The night before the second interview for the second job, I slept for maybe 2 hours. Which one would think is bad, but it actually helped me to not be nervous as much, cause I guess i didn't have the energy for it. This job was about knowledge and the other was about systems. So good.

I'm in the interview and before it starts, the interviewer can see I'm a little jumpy (no sleep and nerves by then, I guess. I'm also not the best self seller as well), so says to me, you are the best in the lot, so as long as the don't swear (I'm a BIG SWEARER) in the interview or anything like that, then you are the best person for the role. **note this wasn't verb barren but close enough**



So this gives me so much hope, as in ALL the hope in the world that I am finally getting out of what I hated, ( my current job) and I could finally use my 5 years worth of company knowledge for good instead of waste!! Turns out, not so much, but first I had to be strung along a little just to make the cut a little deeper. So I get a second interview. Awesome!



Only one other person got a second interview and it was a practical and we did it at the same time. I see the person I'm up against and not only was he LATE but he had only been with the company for about 6 months. So again, more hope!! At this point I was already working out in my head how the monthly pay compared to the weekly pay was going to affect my bills and rent paying. THAT'S how much I just KNEW. Well, as it turns out stupid 6 month guy with no knowledge got it. Wanna know why? Oh, a little thing called A DEGREE!!!!! now you would think that said interviewer would know about said degree when he told me I WAS THE BEST PERSON FOR THE ROLE but apparently not... So I cried. And cried. And cried.



Oh, did I mention I then had another 4 hours of my current hell of a job that I had to do for the rest of the day? So I sat at my desk (which is opposite my manager so he CAN SEE ME) and cried.

Then I had a chat with pushy friend and cried some more, but as much as she is usually helpful, she was the opposite that day. Cause she had become friends with 6 monther, so she was HAPPY!! Ahuh, H A double P Y! Here I am bawling my eyes out on the street and she is happy. So that was helpful.



Also would like to point out that my manager, who saw how upset I was, only decided to ask me about what happened ON HIS WAY OUT OF THE OFFICE AND DID A FLY BY 'we'll talk', but shock horror we NEVER did. Again, all I was hoping for was a 15 min meeting....



Now, even though I know my knowledge could probably be used in a better way in the company (trust me in my current role my brain is going to mush and I am starting to get madder and madder at the stupid and stupider people we are hiring), I think after that rejection after so much hope means I probably won't go for a job in that department ever again. I also would not be able to stand being in the same team and sort of 'under' 6 monther.



I hate that I didn't get that job. I hate that I am in the same job that I have been in for the last 4 years. I hate that people around me (who started long after me and have taken a year or more off on leave) are moving up the ranks. I hate my job. And I hate that this experience has put me off other jobs that might help me as the company in the long run.

****UPDATE****

I just was told that the 6 monther, actually annoys the team that he went into, and does things not as well as certain people thought they would...

Is it bad that I didn't feel at all bad when i was told this, and just a little bit of happieness....??

Sorry....

I dont re read my posts.

Im sorry in advance for this.

Im sorry for the i's when i wanted it to be I's. (although i blame spell check for that).

Im sorry for the misspellings.

Im sorry for the rambling.

And im sorry for the bad grammer.

I just can't re read something. I dont know what it is. When i write, my brain is going, but my typing, (while good and quick), just sometimes, can't keep up, and so it becomes a ramble.

If i was to attempt to re read it, it would change in my brain and i would just have to re write the whole thing and usually would end up with the same problems anyway.

So i just wanted to say Im sorry.

I want MONEY!! Lots of MONEY!

I hate money. Really I do. Money is what is wrong with the world and what is definitely wrong with my life.

I have many *read 4* credit cards, a loan and then rent and general bills. Now, while that doesn't seem like a lot, (or does it?). It IS!

All of my credit cards are generally at the credit limit, or at most, $100 from the limit. And I know that it is stupid but I just barely pay the minimum repayments each month, (well, I pay it weekly, but all added up, most of them are only just over the minimum).

The loan is paid off weekly at a set amount, and I sometimes, *read once or twice * have paid extra on it.

I really really don't like having this debt, really. But at the same time, I don't know what I would do when it is paid off.

I could probably afford to pay off more each week, but as soon as it gets to the point of about $500 or so under the limit, then I (or the husband, more him then me) see something that we 'need' and back closer to the limit it is. Currently, its a snow trip. 5 months ago, it was a trip to Japan. Now, as much as I love the traveling and the 'adventure', I think I would rather just have no debt.

I don't know. I think that money and my debt is something that I love and hate at the same time. I would love to save all that extra paid on interest to buy my house or something exciting that is not nothing, but I don't .

Like I said. I hate money.

But I would like some more of it please. : )