Monday, May 30, 2011

Tegan Lane

If you don't know this story, check out here first.

It's a terrible story. Honestly.
But I'm fascinated. A lot.
I like things like this.
Murder and rape and torture and intrigue.
It's terrible to have to explain to people about the books I'm reading --of which this is probably the most "tame"--

There is no good way for this story to turn out.
But no one is talking.

Either she had this poor child and killed/murdered/"got rid of" her, and deserves to be locked up,
She gave this poor child up, to someone. And she is being put away for something she didn't do.

I'm fascinated.

What makes someone do this?
What makes someone have *several* abortions in her teens/early twenties?
What makes someone think that she can become pregnant and not tell the fathers?
What makes someone give 2 beautiful babies up for adoption with no regard for the Childs or the fathers choice of knowing? **I think the fathers and adopted kids know of and have met each other but don't quote me**
What makes someone keep this all a secret?
What kind of pressure did she have on her?
What kind of pressure did she put on herself?
What if Tegan is out there wondering?
IF Tegan is out there, is she ok?
Is her family keeping her a secret? .
IF she is out there, what makes a family keep this a secret and allows someone to be put away for a long time for something they didn't do?

Like I said,
I'm fascinated.

Friday, May 20, 2011


**I apologize in advance for the mess that this post is going to be, but welcome to my brain at the moment**

Stuff is happening on the working front.
I dunno if its good stuff.
I hope its good stuff, but it has to be secret stuff for the moment.
At least until Tuesday.
Then i hope i will be happy.
I hope.
A lot.
A lot a lot.
Basically put it this way, if you are the praying type, please keep me in your thoughts.
I wouldn't normally ask, and I'm not being selfish, trust me. Trust me, I'm not.
I don't want to share just yet, but I may after Tuesday.


In other news, hopefully in June, i will have paid a heap onto one of my credit cards, and it will be nearly gone.
People, this just leaves 2 left (not including the husbands one).
I would've paid more then half my debt off!!
(**Note** This relates to the work thing, so hopefully, hopefully this is still feasible.


Ever had bed bugs?
I have. In my old, old, old house, and it was terrible.
Ever had chicken pox?
I have. Twice. It was just as awesome.
Now, i have neither of those right now, but I have the same annoyance in being itchy.
Ever had to use Aristocort?
I am now.
I have no idea what it's supposed to do, except make me stop scratching myself in my sleep to the point of bleeding - no, I'm not kidding or over exaggerating - but I'm not sure its working yet. If any of you out there have any encouragement with this, i would really love it.
To be honest, i just want to wake up with no more random scratches on me. :(


It was my grandmas birthday last week.
My dads mum.
My dads dad passed away a lot time ago. Maybe 8 years ago.
My grandmas tough. And strong. And great.
I love my dads family. Mostly.
A lot.
I love that i happened to have a day off, so that i could spend the day (or part of it) with her and them.
She turned 80, or 78 or 74.
No one was really sure. Including her, mostly.
My grandma said her birth certificate says she was 80, but my dad and his brother, (my uncle) both said differently.
I love that that part of my family can spend the day insulting each other and that is love.
I love that we are drink (mostly) and have tattoos (mostly) and are all about the kids.
I realised that day that my dad wants to be a grandfather.
Or at least his face says he does.
My cousin had her (younger then 1) baby, and his face showed that he wanted to hold the baby, but the girls and the gays were always the first the baby went to.
But when dad held him, my gosh, his face changed.
It makes me sad that i can't give that to him now.
But not yet. Maybe soon. But that's all reliant on the first thing i wrote about...
Gosh, i love days spent with my family.

Now, I must go to bed, even though its only 10, and even though the husband is out partying, cause even though its Saturday tomorrow (oh! and the world is going to end...) i have work.
Its actually only my Tuesday today. Sigh.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I don't get it....

This post will probably bring disgust and shame on you and all the other stuff, but I need to say it somewhere and no one is allowing me to IRL.

I don't get it.

I think that Obama is great (although not MY president, (cause I'm obviously not in the US, not because I wouldn't choose him) so my opinion is only based on what I see and not how it affects me), and I think that a lot of what he does our PM would like to be there with him.
But I don't get it.

He killed (or arranged the killing cause he didn't exactly do it himself, now) of Osama. And that's great.

But.... It doesn't end the wars.
It doesn't bring our soldiers (ALL our soldiers, not just the US troops he was referring to in his speech), home. It doesn't make them safe where they are. And to be honest, it doesn't exactly make us safe at home here either.

I think it actually kinda makes it worse.

Won't his underlings want to step up? Won't they want to avenge his death? Won't that (possibly) cause more fear?

I didn't understand the dancing in the streets that was going in the US when it was announced.
Yes, he was the 'mastermind', but he was still only one man.
His death doesn't automatically stop all the fear and craziness in the world.

Did it work with Saddam?

Now, I'm not the most religious person (anymore) but I have a lot of Christian friends and yesterday, I counted 1, just 1 person who wasn't delighted at the death of another person.
Again, I do understand who he is, but he is still just ONE man.

My friend posted this:

And this

And she was alone in this thinking.

Or at least fb status wise.

I just don't get it.

**please note: the reason I wasn't 'allowed' to say this IRL was because people had different opinions to me and weren't allowing me to express mine. I don't mind if you have a different opinion, we aren't robots for gosh sakes, but please don't disallow other opinions also**

Oh, ps. Was it grand or was it grand that he interrupted The Apprentice. Te he he he.

Sunday, May 1, 2011


**Please note, I was awake til about 5am last night *and may have had a lot to drink* and its now 8am, i don't know why my body hates sleep today, all i know is that it does, let me apologize in advance**

So my husband turned 30 yesterday, and while he didn't want to celebrate it (except when it came to presents), that was cool. I was going to write a post on that, but its basically i got him an ipad, (cause I'm the best wife in the world), and a book he wanted, and a DVD that he bought and didn't tell me about, and some $$$ for comics. Best wife in the world right here.
My other friend had a party, and the husband decided that we were going to that.

Anyway, i wrote a post last night while i was lying in bed, on my phone, with one eye needing to be shut, cause otherwise i wouldn't have been able to see anything. And while it was full of misspellings, and in no form will be copied and pasted here, the premise is going to be. (is premise even the right word?!? - i don't even know)

I've realised that I don't really have the ability to talk to males, who I a) don't know (or at least not without a distraction b) males who i think may be attracted to me (again at least not with a distraction c) who I'm attracted to.
Give me a guy who knows I'm not available, a guy i have to work with, or a gay and I'm down. I can have conversations all night long.
But any of the other three, and i will make an excuse, any excuse to either talk about anything apart from myself, (or him) or make an excuse to leave the conversation. Just so i don't have to feel awkward.

I also hate HATE small talk. Or at least with people i don't know. I'd prefer to sit in silence with people i do know.

So anyway, last night, i noticed this guy notice me (please note, this is an option a) and b) issue here, not an option c) issue).
He seemed polite and while he introduced himself, (after a female friend was checking him out), i introduced myself *I'm not rude, gosh* and basically made an excuse to introduce said female friend. Who then said i was married, (no lie and i was thankful) and while i was talking to her about it, *kinda rudely, shut up*, he walked away.

But then later, he came back, and reintroduced himself and basically tried to converse with me, and i *rudely* made an excuse to go (upstairs, but really i just wanted to not be there).

Now, there was nothing wrong with this boy, (from the 5 seconds of conversation i had with him), but i just found it so awkward, that i wanted to do anything to end the awkward.

And i don't know why.
I have this issue with guys that I'm attracted to as well.
I can talk to everyone around them, but one on one, (at least when people are around), pffft. Nothing. Give me any excuse.
I'm 15 again.

It sucks.

And at this time i had had a ton to drink (PS. two litres of Vodka and a litre of Midori were taken to be shared with 4 people. It all was gone which is why I'm home at all), so i can't even say i didn't have dutch courage, (again, is that even the right word?!?)

Like i said, it sucks.


In other news, apart from that, i had a fantastic night.
I can't even remember the last time i went out drinking (partly trying to save money, partly I'm 50 and i don't like to get shit faced every weekend like other 25 year olds, partly i live in the middle of the city, so i see the drunks and the aftermath of the drunks every weekend).
But my gosh, i had a fantastic night.
I was with people i love (mostly), and while i didn't know some/most of the people, it was fun nonetheless.
The best part of all, although i did drink a heck of a lot, and slept a teeny bit, my head is fine, not feeling hung over even a little.
I am a bit thirsty though.

Good times!