Monday, November 15, 2010

Its been so long since i have posted anything here.

I have been computer less. Well... Laptop less, we have two computers at home and i have a computer at work, so not really computer less.

I have kinda enjoyed being computerless. I mean, I do miss it a little, but its nice to come home and not jump straight on the laptop and be on it all night long. The husband and i have one of those relationships where we would both be on laptops and have the tv on, every night. I didn't hate it, but i would hate if we went back to that. He still has his, (which is what im on now), but its different.

I do miss blogging though. I need somewhere to put my thoughts and even though im not much of a writer, i would prefer it out then in. But actually writing with a pen and paper bores me. I could never be a proper writer.

Life is still the same. Wake up, work, come home, sleep. Most weekends we are too broke to do much, but spend time with each other, which is good, but i would like a time where we can do something 'fun' not just 'free'.

I am thinking about applying for a new job. With the same company, on pretty much the same salary, but its a more respected role, so we'll see how that goes. I'll probably bomb out in the interview,as usual. :)

I have come up with so much to write here while i have been able to, but now, while i have a chance to actually write, i find that i have nothing to say. Not nothing, but nothing of substance, nothing that someone will read and think that girl is a smart girl, an exciting girl, a girl i want to be. I dont mind so much. Lifes like that.

I think i have done a few more things on my list of 101 in 1001. Which is good.

Today is such a dreary nothing day. The weather the last week or so, has been such summer days, which i honestly, have had enough of. 30+ degrees on a daily basis get old, thats celecius people. BUt today, its a bit like a crappy winter day. Its been raining and it looks just like movie weather. Its even getting cold, which is great, it means i can actually use my washer and dryer and have clean clothes.

Thats all i really have. I have a few little letters to write up, but i might get some more togethor.

Sorry for such a crappy post. Honestly though, i do miss this.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

A Walk to Remember

Morning y'all.

Here it is almost half six and I have been awake for almost 2 hours already. Did I mention it was also Saturday?

I don't normally wake up this early, but this thing called work, yeah, that made me get up this early. But it’s OK, and this post is a positive.

I love walking to work, I mean, I don't walk that far, probably not even a kilometre, but it’s the only exercise I do, so I like it.
It also gives me time to think. Time to reflect and time to think about my day/week/year/life. A lot of thinking gets done on that walk.
I appreciate when a work mate sees me and offers me a lift, but I like my thinking time.

Sometimes I just listen to music and drift off, am oblivious to the world around me, and sometimes just for a few steps, I close my eyes. Have you ever done that, be walking out in public and close your eyes while you walk?
I do it often. When I'm alone, that is.
I thought I was the only person who did it, but then I twitter'ed it and a friend of mine also admitted he did it too. I don't know what it is, but it feels like I'm dreaming or something. Do it, next time you’re in public, but alone and walking. Just even to see what it’s like.

I feel like my attitude on my walk is going to play how I am for the rest of the day. And most of the time it works out that way.

Sometimes I have conversations in my head with the people I work with. Usually they are good conversations. Sometimes not.

Today, I thought about my life and why I am the way I am. And I wrote this part of this post in my head, so if it’s muddled and jumbled welcome to my head.

If someone was to ask me to why I am the way I am, and how I got about this way, this would be my answer.

My life hasn't been easy. Not the hardest life ever, but not easy either. My life has been scarred from experiences. Some bad - heartbreak, neglect -somewhat-, divorce, molestation, choices, hurt, and pain. (Hurt being emotional, pain being physical). But also, good - love, happiness, amazing friendships, great -somewhat- family. Now while the bad doesn't outweigh the good, it did make me who I am, and I don’t know if I would have liked the person I was without it. The good only made the person I am better. I like me. I like the person I am. I like my life.
While I have things that people may strive to get - a house (rented, but mine), a husband, a job, good hair (sometimes) and travel. I also strive to get things that others have as well. And while I don’t have these things now, I know that the person I am will help me get those things.
And I like that. I like me.

And its reasons like this, I like my walk to work, it makes me think of things like this. It makes me realise that yes, it may be hard now, but it will be good again. Life is good. Always. Even when you think it’s not.
Life is good.

Ps. I know that the title is a movie, but as lame as it is, I saw this movie with an awesome friend of mine, and I'm pretty sure it was the first movie that made me cry.

PPs. Also, this is the first day of two weeks where I have to start work at 7am. I hope this attitude continues. And if I can be this upbeat this early in the morning, none of y'all have any excuses.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Random Ramblings

Still have no computer. Except for blogging this is better for me. Except for blogging, that is. I miss reading blogs and some days, i just want to do that at work, but can't. Sigh. I don't think I'm in a rush to get a new one or get this one fixed even though the husband says it'll only cost about $50.


I've been sick for a month. A WHOLE MONTH!!! I have had a stupid cough and i was stupid and didn't really go to the doctors til i had to. Those pills started to work, but then stopped. Also, they gave me a PUFFER! My gosh, i had never had one of those before. I felt so so stupid. I went to the doctors again and they gave me other drugs, nothing. So i went back today and had to get chest xrays ---Have you all ever had one of those?? Strange--- and a blood test. They think i might have whopping cough. It kills me cause i have to miss my cousins baby shower. This makes me cry.


I think i love this new show. Toddler and Tiaras. Its so bad its good. If you hate stage mums, you will HATE this show, but i think i love it. Some of the little girls (and boys) are just so darn cute!! Its on the lifestyle channel here, and i am so glad we have foxtel just for that channel alone.

While I'm talking about foxtel, they really need to fix up the channels after the 'storm'. Still broken foxtel, tut tut.


Don't you hate it when you have a plan in your head, but it takes time and you have no patience? That's me right now. I have a plan to pay off my credit cards and in theory its great. Its just not happening as fast as i would like. I wish i won the lotto. I wouldn't ask for too much. Just $25,000, AND that's not even enough to cover all my debt, just 70% (not ALL credit cards, don't judge), which is enough.


I want a roast dinner for tea tonight. Does someone want to come to my house and cook one for me please? I will even let you stay and eat some AND I'll do the cleaning up after. That's an offer you can't say no to.


I really love the shows, Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie, but gosh, i can not stand the 'new' Darren. No, no, no, no, no, its just not the same.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Update to 101 in 1001

So this is a follow up to this post

Here is the list that i made in that post.

1. Travel overseas - DONE
2. Buy a new pair of boots - was hoping to do this in NZ, but no luck. :(
3. Donate my time
4. Go to a christening - DONE
5. See some of my old friends
6. See the snow - and possibly ski - DONE well, the seeing the snow part, not the ski part
7. Go sky diving - KINDA DONE I was counting the freefall as this and while i didn't do it for the full 3 mins, i did attempt it.
8. Go on a picnic
9. Taste some different food -DONE
10. Have a CLEAN house (not done - i should be cleaning now, instead I'm writing posts).
11. Be happy
12. Comment on at least 10 blogs
13. Go out to Dinner
14. Laugh
15. Cry - DONE
16. Give all my spare change to the bank and hope there is more then $100 in there
17. Try something new - DONE - Zorbing AND Shweebing
18. Go to a museum
19. Go the Zoo
20. Hang out with some children
21. Make THEM laugh
22. Play Hide and Seek
23. Go on a Scavenger hunt
24. Unpack my house completely (This is a hard one, TRUST ME)
25. Go out for drinks
26. Learn something new
27. Watch the news for the WHOLE hour
28. Appreciate
29. Cook the boy tea - DONE
30. Go a whole day without my phone on me
31. Swing on a swing
32. Go to a game - whether its my brother football or sisters soccer or a professional game, any game
33. Pay off at least 2 of my credit cards (yeah, i have more then 2, don't be judging)
34. Go out to a meal with friends.
35. Have dinner at my house - WHICH IS COOKED HERE
37. Watch the sunrise
38. Watch the sunset
39. Buy some new clothes just to donate them
40. Get a pet (hopefully)
40a. If i can't get a pet, adopt a pet
41. Go for a bike ride
42. Give up chocolate for a week
43. Be thankful
44. Grow old (I was 25 on the 5th, so I'm getting there. GAH!)
45. See more of my beautiful country.
46. Go to the movies - DONECan i just add, i can not remember the last time i saw a GOOD movie - honestly.
47. Talk to people more then SMS
48. Win money - whether it be a little or A LOT, on a lotto ticket or on roulette, i wanna win some somehow.
49. Allow myself to make mistakes
50. Get a new computer
51. Read 33 books
52. Go to the beach
53. Go bowling - Lawn bowling and ten pin bowling
54. Go see the Three Sisters
55. Cook Churros
56. Stay in a hotel - DONE How awesome is room service?!?
57. Make a sand castle
58. Learn how to knit or cross stitch
59. Eat a macroon
60. Go to a filming of something
61. Go to a fancy restaurant
62. Sing karaoke
63. Ride a horse
64. Take more photos
65. Hold a new newborn
66. Hang upside down on monkey bars
67. Get a new phone
68. Have an impromptu photo shoot day
69. Teach someone something they didn't know *NOT related to my job*
70. Not wash my hair for 2 weeks
71. Get lost in a maze
72. Go watch a court case
73. Go to the ANZAC march
74. Get another tattoo
75. Select a random place on the train ticket machine and see what it has to offer
76. Donate blood
77. Get drunk
78. Visit Gallipoli - if i don't do this within 1001 days i would love to go there for 2015
79. Go a MONTH without fast food
80. Listen to music everyday for at least a month
81. See a musical
82. Go a weekend without using the Internet
83. Wear short shorts out in public
84. Go camping - even if its a tent in the lounge room :)
85. Go a week without chocolate.
86. Dress up like Wonder Woman - just once
87. Listen
88. Climb a tree
89. Build a fort
90. Go fishing
91. Take a day off work and give adventuring
92. Climb a mountain - whether a mountain mountain, or a mountain of leaves/dirt/snow
93. Spend a weekend watching 80's movies
94. Dress real nice then go out to eat at a fast food place - ala The Simpsons
95. Play a round of golf - possibly with my dad and brother
96. Go a day without Twitter
97. Go a weekend without Facebook
98. Spend a weekend watching Disney movies
99. Go ice skating
100. .....
101. .....

91 things left to do! (I thought i had done a lot more things on this list....)

Monday, August 30, 2010


This is another holiday post, but a holiday post that i wanted to keep separate to the previous one, cause my feelings while doing this were high.

We decided to go to a Hangi and we heard a LOT of good things about. So we went to that one, and it was AMAZING. I'm a little bit sad that i don't remember the name of the place, cause y'all should go there. It was the most wonderful food ever.

Cooked in the ground, for like 8 hours, under all this.

But, in a way, I'm glad i don't remember.

Before the food, we were taken on a walk through the area around to see a show, while the food was finished.

This is the part i wasn't sure about. Basically the show was about the Maroi culture and some of the songs that they sing and dances and things like that. Sounds alright on paper, right?

That's what i thought. I thought that i would learn some things that i didn't know and that would be that.

Here are some of the photos that the husband took, just so you know what I'm talking about.

Now, i may be kinda a hypocrite for what i write next, but I'm going to say it anyway.

There were maybe 60 people including us, at this dinner and show. They were all mostly also taking photos.

Towards the end of the show, the leader of the show tried to teach us a song and dance.

About halfway through the show, i was thinking to myself that this was amazing, and interesting and all those other things that you would say if you were in a museum, only these were people. These were real people who's life may not be like this completely now, but was at one stage. These are real people and we are staring at them like they are in a zoo. These are real people and people are taking photos like they aren't real. These are real people and real history that we are kinda making fun of, by learning and laughing about this.

And i felt bad. I felt bad for watching, i felt bad that paid money to see this, and i felt bad that i didn't go along with learning this dance and song and i felt bad that i felt bad about all these things.

I felt like i disrespected them. I felt like i had wore a hat in a church, or didn't wear a head scarf in a Muslim mosque (is that what they are called?).

And i know that these people have a business doing this daily, and they might enjoy it, and everything like that.
But i felt like i had disrespected their past and their culture.

I don't want to say that i regret going to it, because it made me look at myself. But i don't know how i feel about it all now.

Holi-day cele-brate!!

The first two weeks of August I was in New Zealand.
I went there with the husband and the older sister. Other people were supposed to come too, but let's not go into that.
The plan was to go do the fun north island stuff with the sister and then the husband and me fly to the south island so he could ski (and I could relax).

Fun stuff we had decided on before leaving were:
~'indoor' out door ski diving (or freefalling)
~ zorbing
~and see a kiwi

Pretty basic stuff. Pretty fun stuff too. Or so I thought.

So, we left Sydney at some gosh forsaken hour, (the flight was at 7am, but with customs and stupid things like that minus 3 hours and that's when we had to be there). So sleepy.
Sister and I tried really hard to stay awake all night but failed...

We got a ginormous A380 and it was magnificent. You could choose from about 50 different movies to watch, free food, hot towels, 100 different games to play on your screen and free pillows!! Compared to jetstar (the basic airline I usually fly) it was like heaven. Downside was cause I had to get up so early, I slept through most of the flight. :(

Can I just interject here and say my older sister (who is almost 30) HAS NEVER BEEN ON A PLANE BEFORE?!? So going overseas for her first time even on a plane was quite funny. She was asking all these odd questions that I can't remember now, but they made me laugh.

We landed in Auckland, which looked pretty nice when we drove through it. Kinda like Sydney but with different shops. Nothing too unusual, although we don't have Wendy's.

Then on the way to Rotorua. Smelly was one description of it. So bad that you had to cover your face all the time. Cold was another.

While, yes, it did smell (like egg fart for those asking, or just like dirty boy if you have brothers), you totally got used to it. Even when we went to the mud pool things, it really wasn't hugely bad.
And cold, yeah, I guess, but I got away with wearing single tops under my normal jackets and wasn't overly cold. I think i wore my gloves once.
BUT it was beautiful.
So if any of you are thinking about going and people are talking you out of it, ignore them.

Now, onto the fun stuff.
Freefalling/'indoor' outdoor ski diving

Any mouth breathers reading? If so, you will die doing this.

The sister saw this on Kendra and thought it looked like amazing fun. Think about normal sky diving, only take away the plane and add in a wind machine from the ground. A giant wind machine. A grandpa giant wind machine. Now imagine being super afraid of heights and having to climb over netting that was about 10 metres above this giant wind machine. Scary.
Now imagine them turning the wind machine on and your face getting blown almost off and not being able to breathe out your mouth but your floating - somewhat. Seems like fun right?
The husband and the sister enjoyed it sorta. But the workers seemed like they were having fun on it, so I think it's the sorta thing you gotta get used to, but it's hard to get used in 3 mins.

We went on this other thing at the skydiving/freefall place. It was
called a shweeb and that was pretty fun, like and upside down bike, but not. The husband enjoyed it so much we went back there and he
ended up 3rd in his age group ever.

Another day we went to this awesome lion/animal park. There were signs all up everywhere, 'come play with loin cubs' and pictures of cute little baby lions. So we thought that would be cool. We were maybe thinking that the signs might have been not so truthful, cause really they
can't make the lions be knocked up all the time so they ALWAYS have cubs, so we were doubtful.
So we got there and went in search of the baby lions.
They had little baby Ella, who was 6 weeks old, and oh so cute. And Chase who was 6 months old and bigger then a Doberman. But both I wanted to take home. Too bad they wouldn't be allowed on the plane. :(

This is 6 month old Chase.

Ella trying to get up onto Sisters lap

Little Ella.

The husband and the sister were even able to hold little Ella but then
people came and I wasn't allowed.


Now onto another day...


Ok, i could explain this in words, but rather then do that, i will just show you pictures.

But if i could explain it, i would say, the type of zorbing we did was like a water slide inside a big bubble. But check out the link for a better description.

PS. You may notice that we are wearing different clothes in some of these photos. Thats because we had so much fun, we went back a second day.

PPS. Also, i know that one of the photos is doubled, but im stupid and can't work out which one from the HTML (?) junk that shows as photos. Dont judge me.

So that was some of the super fun stuff we did. The second week, the boy went skiing twice, and then we just hung out in Queenstown, which was pretty cool. But not too many photos.
We also did a bunch of other things in the first week, but i think that this post is long enough.

EDIT: Ok, so just re reading this, i realised that i made no mention of seeing Kiwis at all. We totally did, but because they were nocturnal, we weren't allowed to take pictures, so here are some i have found earlier.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I went on an awesome holiday but can't blog about it...

Not because it was secret or anything like that, but because my stupid computer broke two days before i went on it, and my work doesn't like me to not work at work, so i can't blog there.

So EVENTUALLY a great blog post about my super fun awesome holiday will be written, (that is kinda half written on my phone) and you will all enjoy it.

Meanwhile, this is the first chance that i have gotten to even READ blogs since before August started and i think im a little scared.

Monday, July 5, 2010

101 in 1001

In 1001 days it will be...

Tuesday April 5, 2013
**I may be a little off, it took me a few days to think of 101 things**

Which is

Approx 2.74 years
OR 143 weeks
OR Approx 33 months
OR Approx 24,000 hours
OR Approx 1,441,440 Min's
OR Approx 86,486,400 Seconds


And hopefully i will have done, if not all, but most of these things.

1. Travel overseas
2. Buy a new pair of boots
3. Donate my time
4. Go to a christening
5. See some of my old friends
6. See the snow - and possibly ski
7. Go sky diving
8. Go on a picnic
9. Taste some different food
10. Have a CLEAN house
11. Be happy
12. Comment on at least 10 blogs
13. Go out to Dinner
14. Laugh
15. Cry
16. Give all my spare change to the bank and hope there is more then $100 in there
17. Try something new
18. Go to a museum
19. Go the Zoo
20. Hang out with some children
21. Make THEM laugh
22. Play Hide and Seek
23. Go on a Scavenger hunt
24. Unpack my house completely (This is a hard one, TRUST ME)
25. Go out for drinks
26. Learn something new
27. Watch the news for the WHOLE hour
28. Appreciate
29. Cook the boy tea
30. Go a whole day without my phone on me
31. Swing on a swing
32. Go to a game - whether its my brother football or sisters soccer or a professional game, any game
33. Pay off at least 2 of my credit cards (yeah, i have more then 2, don't be judging)
34. Go out to a meal with friends.
35. Have dinner at my house - WHICH IS COOKED HERE
37. Watch the sunrise
38. Watch the sunset
39. Buy some new clothes just to donate them
40. Get a pet (hopefully)
40a. If i can't get a pet, adopt a pet
41. Go for a bike ride
42. Give up chocolate for a week
43. Be thankful
44. Grow old (I was 25 on the 5th, so I'm getting there. GAH!)
45. See more of my beautiful country.
46. Go to the movies
47. Talk to people more then SMS
48. Win money - whether it be a little or A LOT, on a lotto ticket or on roulette, i wanna win some somehow.
49. Allow myself to make mistakes
50. Get a new computer
51. Read 33 books
52. Go to the beach
53. Go bowling - Lawn bowling and ten pin bowling
54. Go see the Three Sisters
55. Cook Churros
56. Stay in a hotel
57. Make a sand castle
58. Learn how to knit or cross stitch
59. Eat a macroon
60. Go to a filming of something
61. Go to a fancy restaurant
62. Sing karaoke
63. Ride a horse
64. Take more photos
65. Hold a new newborn
66. Hang upside down on monkey bars
67. Get a new phone
68. Have an impromptu photo shoot day
69. Teach someone something they didn't know *NOT related to my job*
70. Not wash my hair for 2 weeks
71. Get lost in a maze
72. Go watch a court case
73. Go to the ANZAC march
74. Get another tattoo
75. Select a random place on the train ticket machine and see what it has to offer
76. Donate blood
77. Get drunk
78. Visit Gallipoli - if i don't do this within 1001 days i would love to go there for 2015
79. Go a MONTH without fast food
80. Listen to music everyday for at least a month
81. See a musical
82. Go a weekend without using the Internet
83. Wear short shorts out in public
84. Go camping - even if its a tent in the lounge room :)
85. Go a week without chocolate.
86. Dress up like Wonder Woman - just once
87. Listen
88. Climb a tree
89. Build a fort
90. Go fishing
91. Take a day off work and give adventuring
92. Climb a mountain - whether a mountain mountain, or a mountain of leaves/dirt/snow
93. Spend a weekend watching 80's movies
94. Dress real nice then go out to eat at a fast food place - ala The Simpsons
95. Play a round of golf - possibly with my dad and brother
96. Go a day without Twitter
97. Go a weekend without Facebook
98. Spend a weekend watching Disney movies
99. Go ice skating
100. .....
101. .....

So i couldn't think of 101 things, just 99. But if you want to suggest something, I'll be willing to think about them.

PS. Some of these i KNOW i already am doing, but its not cheating at all. ;p

Sunday, May 30, 2010


...i wish you would take my side for once
...i wish it was you who compromised and not me
...i think the people who doubted us were right
...i think what would have happened if we didn't
...i wish you would understand should be easier should be about me and not always about you
...i fear for the future
...i wish you would admit when you are wrong
...i look around and i don't recognize anything
...i look around and don't see ME
...i think about what i have missed
...i wish you would listen
...i try and think about what i want - and i can't think of a single thing, not because i don't want things, but because i know i probably wont get them so why bother
...i need you to see ME but you don't or won't
...i regret everything
...i want this to end

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

So i haven't died or anything.

I'm in the midst of writing a post.

It just is hard when i like sleep and catching up on awesome shows like this. And if you are serious about entertainment, this.
(you know its good when its made in NZ and I'm suggesting it.)

So when i finally finish that post, (which has me admitting something that i wouldn't normally) I'll put it up. AND it will even have pictures!!

Get excited.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Little (or not so little) letters

Dear person whom I'm no longer in touch with because of someone else choice.
I miss you.
I miss your kids.
I'm sad that I've missed them growing cause someone else's choice. The choice wasn't bad, but the consequences of that choice in relation to you and your wonderful little family to me, kinda sucks.
We gotta catch up.
Ps. Sometimes I 'stalk' you on facebook and am so proud of you and everything that you have done since then.

Dear house, (mine not the doctor)
I really like you, but one thing. 7am (or earlier) is not a good time to be waking me up. I know, I know, you have no control over the sun, but when it comes blazing in (even with blinds closed) that falls to you house. Also, when I'm walking around in my underwear and have forgotten to close the blinds, can you do something so the neighbours don't see? Thanks house.

Dear dryer (and washer to some extent),
So I know I lose a lot of hair. I know it's cause I don't brush it. **NOTE: I DO wash it, it's totally clean, so stop thinking I'm gross** but really d&w, it makes me dry retch when I go to put clothes on straight from you both when they are at their best and I find hair.
Not just a strand but a whole chunker. Seriously, I already have to clean the lint thingy, can't you catch it all in there?

Dear people who live on my level,
I know it's hard to read the 5 or so signs in the garbage room, and even harder to actually follow them, but it's gross when you don't put your rubbish in the garbage shoot.
It's even worse when you put it in the recycling or even JUST ON THE FLOOR. Really, I know that the shoot is turned off sometimes, but that just means you have to take your TIED bag back home and wait like 30 mins. So please stop it. The husband gets cross every time he takes the rubbish out and I think soon it will fall to me and I don't want it.

Dear people who ride scooters who are no longer at school,

Dear people who cross when the man says don't walk,
All it takes is two minutes, either two minutes waiting and your fine or two minutes and BAM something hits you. I know what's it's like and it isn't as fun as it seems. Trust me, all you will end up with is a scar on your head and never being able to do your hair right cos of it.

Dear new person in my team,
You are new. Probably not the best to come in all arrogant and acting like you can work harder and do more then the people already in the team when you have no experience whatsoever in what we do. Also, even though you cant do much right now, going on endless breaks? Not a good idea. Just a heads up, you are new and your attitude, it's putting people offside. Not the best way to start.

Dear customers who fax stuff to my company,
I appreciate you. I really value you as customers but, please just give me one day where we are up to date with the hundreds of faxes that we receive. I was totally being sincere with the first part of appreciating and valuing you, honest.

Dear my dear friend Balamino,
Congratulations for Sunday (or Monday here). I know you picked right and even though I haven't met him, I know your life will be filled with joy and his life will be better for having you in it. I still want you to come over and visit soon though.

Dear 'promoter' who I used to work with,
Just stop it.

Dear mislabelled size 6 jeans,
I assume you were mislabelled, cause my behind is not that small, but thank you. Every time i wear you, you make me feel good cause I'm in a size 6!!
Ps. That's like a size 2 in US people.

Monday, May 10, 2010

I don't have a title for this, so sue me.

So I have a New boss now. Work moved. Same (old) job. Different location. It's strange cause my old boss has been hanging around helping with the move and changes and habit tends to follow us both.
He'll hear me say something and want to fix it or I'll see him and go to tell him about my issues. But it's different.
I don't think my new boss 'gets' me yet. It might take awhile. I'm too used to everyone knowing what I'm like. Almost 6 years (5 in this role) at the same place with mostly the same people does that.
I guess it didn't help that I told him he reminded me of Sully the first time we chatted either. But without the fur.
I couldn't help it though. Nerves = talking. Talking = honesty. That should be good right?

{I would put his photo up but that would be wrong... and also he shaved since i told him that and he kinda looks different now so won't. Also cause it would be wrong.}

New job location means new travel. I used to walk to the station and then catch a train to work and then walk some more. All good for my non exercising self.
Now, I walk to a different station that's further away and get a bus right to the door of my work. Cheaper. But even though it's further that I have to walk, I get hungry. And even though it's all kinds of terrible I walk past a few McDonald's and kinda maybe have stopped there most days to get breakfast.

I also have now taken the habit of walking through the QVB on my way to, but not back. On the way back I just wanna get home. But on the way to work, I like to take my time. I get to work an hour early anyway, so I like to slow it down a little. Which means my 10(ish) min journey gets extended to sometimes 30, and you know what?I don't mind at all. The qvb is beautiful. My mum used to force us to go there when we were young and in the city. They have this clock that told a story and we HAD to watch the whole thing not cause it was interesting to us then, i mean, we were young and easily bored.... wait, i still am, but anyway. I appreciate it now. Not necessarily the clock, cause i don't think it goes off anymore, or at least not when I'm there, but it just is an awesome pretty way to start the day.

Thats all i have for now.

Wait, does anyone else have trouble spelling the word necessarily or necessary or any variations of that? I totally do and i spell it so badly that spell check is all like, ummmm, so not a word and then i have to google and i feel even more silly. And then i share it with all of you. Yep.

Monday, May 3, 2010

25. Plus some.

Great for stalking.
Annoying for silly silly games.
Great for stalking.
Annoying for random work people adding me.
Great for stalking.
So i did this 25 things thing a little while ago, and i thought i would look over it again. Some of the things, i still agree with. Some have changed. Others i have added to.

**By the by, i know that this is more then 25, but i started this list on my phone and kept adding. I ended up just picking 25 and posting them, but this is my blog, so i make the rules**

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.


1. I have the same middle name as most of the females in my family and I love that if I ever changed my surname to my husbands, I'll still have that.

2. I feel like I have no direction in my life and I love and hate it at the same time. I also haven't got any of those great life plans that people talk about. At the moment, I think I'm hating that. It doesn't give me much to strive for or look forward to. I think i might have some idea of what i want. Not going to share it yet though

3. I sometimes wish I could turn back time to when I didn't have a worry or stress, but then I wouldn't be who I am. I also have trouble finding a time like that.

4. I would do anything in the world for my family, including die for them. If anything happened to any of them, it would break my heart.

5. Re: 4, I think dying in place for someone is rather selfish though.
Think about it, if they are THAT important to you, you must be to them, and if you can't live without them, how could you make them live without you. That said, I would still do it if need be.

6. My favourite colour is pink and although it doesn't seem like it, I like girly dresses, although I'm too insecure about my legs to wear them.

7. I think I know too much about somethings and not enough about others, I wish that the ratio was more even, then I wouldn't be as frustrated/ confused all the time.

8. I believe I have a mild case of OCD. I can't help it, If I need to do something, I need to do it then and do it right according to me.
And if someone else tries to help and does it different, watch out. Working on this one. I'm allowing myself to make more mistakes and changes. Its hard though.

9. I like reading true crime. Mostly child abuse. Not because I'm sick, but because it makes me feel less guilty about my life and more guilty at the same time. I can't explain it, but it's good, I think.

10. Contrary to most peoples belief, I'm really not a bitch, I think it related back to point 8. Although, I do have bad days.

11. I have a bad case of FOMO. I think I have had it all my life, (only it was nameless until recently) and I think it will continue forever.

12. I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid about the after ness of dying. What happens if everyone is wrong? (ps. I don't mean to offend anyone with that point.)

13. When ever I listen to music out in public, I always think people can hear it and are judging me on it.

14.I hate when I have to repeat myself. If I'm making the effort to tell you something, you can at least make the effort to listen! Oh my gosh, I hate it.
14.5. I also hate bring questioned when I am asked to help. If you don't like my answer, fine, but don't question me. You asked for MY help.

15. I hold grudges. It doesn't matter how stupid you think I'm being, if I'm crossed, I will hold it up on you, until I lose the motivation or energy to hold it anymore. I can't help it, so sorry in advance. Oh and if I'm told I'm being stupid because of it or the reason is stupid, it will just make it last longer... So probably don't. ; p

16. Re: 15. I'm stubborn. Don't try and change my mind or tell me I'm wrong, it won't work.

17. I like acknowledgement. Selfish probably, but something as simple as a thanks or appreciate it, is enough. I use it as motivation. If I don't get enough, I stop. I think I give it back, let me know if I don't though.I can never accept it though. I always always always just palm it off, in the nicest possible way.

18. Although I'm good at hiding it, (at least I think I am anyway) I am very emotional. Ps. Angry = not an emotion. That's just everyday. ; ) I also care too much about most things.

19. I love love love SLEEP! I could sleep all day, but then I get cross at myself for wasting the day, so I really can't win.

20. I though it would be easier to think of 25 things....

21. It takes a bit to earn my respect, but once you have it, unless you cross me, I will respect you 100%.

22. I wish I was more brave.

23. I moved into my house a few months ago and there are still things to unpack. Some people would blame this on laziness, I blame time and storage space. Do we have any volunteers to do for me? So i was talking about my old house when i posted this the first time, but now a month after moving, same thing. Lets boxes though.

24. If I won the lotto, I think I would only keep enough to pay off my debts/bills, the rest I would give to family then friends.

25. I could spend hours on facebook, stalking everyone I know and then people they know. I think I have a problem of needing to know everything about everyone. I also want to point out, I CAN NOT stand it when people use text speak or misspellings in status updates.
Nothing bugs me more. I blame the OCD.

26. I feel like I'm always putting others before myself.

27. I hate being late, to anywhere.

29. I hate having hair on my clothes, it's the most annoying thing when I can feel it but can't see it.

30. I hate when people do accents. Just hate it. Esp when they are not good at them. Im ok if you HAVE an accent, but if you put one on, my gosh. You may not think you sound bad, but just stop.

31. My phone is ALWAYS on silent. Not because it has to be, but because I can't stand ring tones, any ringtones at all. So if you call and I miss it, the reason is cause I didn't hear/see my phone, not that I'm ignoring you. Although sometimes it is. ; p

32. I need noise to sleep. Although sometimes the noise keeps me awake for longer then I should be awake too...

33. I set 5 alarms to get up. Starting an hour before I have to and in 15 min intervals, that way when I really really have to get up I'm already semi awake and it's not as difficult to get up.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
Lest We Forget.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Ahhh, internet. I thought i would never see you again.

So i finally have Internet at home.
After a trillion phone calls, and using too much data on my phone (I'm gonna regret it when my bill comes), it was connected yesterday. Or, last night.
It would have been two weeks tomorrow.
I felt like i was in a third world country or something.
I even had access to more Internet when i was in Japan then i did now.
(FYI. My work has Internet access, obv. but they also have a thing called websense, which blocks all the good sites, so it might as well suck).

Anyway, being almost 2 weeks in our new house, i think we have done pretty good with the unpacking business. We still have a few boxes, and i know we have some books that haven't yet been unpacked and i feel like not all my clothes are unpacked, but who knows. Its at that point where we can live and not be missing anything. It doesn't matter that our (small) sun room is half full with boxes. At our last (two) places, i think we had basically the same amount of stuff not unpacked either... Its a matter of going through and throwing around stuff, and who has the time to do that? Lets be honest.

Back to the Internet, do you know how hard it was to go two weeks without reading other blogs? I honestly just spent about 4 hours catching up. (probably time i could have unpacked and sorted.... oh well).

We got my family to help us move and while i felt really bad for my dad, cause he was doing a lot of the packing into the car and lifting (heaps of moving experience), he is my dad and i worry. Don't fret though, the husband and the brother, and the sisters semi new boyfriend were also helping.
It was kinda good that my dad has heaps of moving experience, cause my step mum volunteered to get left at the new house (which i thought was an easy way out), but she cleaned so much and unpacked the kitchen and the bathroom AND EVEN made our bed for us. It was so nice to not have to do that at the end of the day when we were so tired. AND its even nicer to be searching for something in the bathroom or kitchen and be like, hmmmm, i would put here and voila! its already there!
I also felt bad for my dad though, cause he wanted to leave to get home in time to watch a new show, but i knew cause he was so tired that if he DID get home in time, he would probably fall asleep, but it turns out they didn't get home in time. I think i might buy it for him.

As i have mentioned several times, i think, I'm working in a different department at the moment. Not too bad, but not good enough that i would want to work there as part of my job, although, my boss did suggest if i liked it, he would see what he could do for me to be there permanently, which was nice seeing as he has never tried before.
I have this problem though, that i have to be working 100% or more all day until i know that all the work is done. Then i get bored and I'll admit annoying. This department spends a lot of time waiting on other peoples responses/opinions and a lot of time doing i dunno what. I just know when I'm working at my normal pace, they are all shocked that i get through the work so quickly. Its all very strange.

Anyway, that's not why i bought work up. Parts of my company are getting, i guess integrated into the company that majority owns us. That's the easiest way i can explain it without going into the whole she bang of it all. What it means is part of the company will be moving locations, salaries and some of them will get new bosses. My (proper) department is part of the ones who get all three. Location, salary and a new boss.
Now, I'm not too fussed with the location thing, my work has moved in the past, and it actually works out cheaper for me to get there, so very meh about that. My only complaint is that i was sick as a dog on the day i was supposed to go over to the new location and haven't been there yet.
Salary isn't even worth mentioning, cause its like a $50 increase. Different team, same department as us, is still on more then us even though they do less then us, and i lose my loadings, (cause i finish at a certain time). So $50 up, but $200 down a week. So much for the company being all about no one being negatively affected... The husband got a MAJOR rise though, so even though it pointed out my suckiness even more, i guess it works out ok.
The new boss is my major thing though. My current boss doesn't do much for us. But IMO i think its cause we were just palmed off onto him and he is really a manager of another department. BUT, that said, its better the devil you know. My boss knows how i work and when i get cranky to just let me be for 5-10 mins and I'll get over it. I haven't met the new boss yet. I'm also a little anxious about meeting him, cause my current boss, (and other people) have said all these good things about me, (which aren't lies) and i have it in my head that he (new boss) may be waiting for me to screw up. You know, what happens when people are put on a pedestal. I don't know if that is the case, or if its just me being all hard on myself.

OH! Thats why i bought up work... next week is our last week at our current location and i just dont feel like it is. At all. I dont know if its cause im working with a team that isn't moving, (well, they are moving floors), or what, but it hasn't hit me yet that i wont be catching the train to work after next week. That i won't be sitting at MY desk. That i have to pack up my desk... All those things. Its odd.

So i hvae drivelled on for long enough, and considering its now 2.30 in the afternoon and i have been reading the internets since 10, (dont judge, its the weekend), i best get up.

PS. Oh, just so you know and i don't feel bad, we totally gave my family money for helping us. Even though they didn't want to accept it, cause they are family, the time they spend helping us, they totally deserved it.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

And in other news...

So I haven't blogged in a while cause I moved house and amongst making 16 billion calls to get the phone connected to get the Internet connected someon screwed up an I STILL have no Internet. I have been at my house for over a week. You don't know ho crazy I'm going.
Ps. I'm writing this from my phone, so spelling mistakes, blame the iPhone. Spell check is WAY too hard to use on it.

Anyway, couple of things....

I have spoken about this before but it still pisses me off.
My name is RENEE, two e's no 'accent' on top of the second e. Simple right?
A COMPANY WIDE email was sent out today with my name spelt RENE. ummm, so like I said in my Twitter:
Rene = penis. (it's the boys version)
ReneE = me, with no penis.
It really isn't that hard to confirm, honestly.
It made me really really cross and honestly? It made me feel SUPER underappreciated. And that just sucks.

In other news, we had a party for work last night, (Monday night here, stupid), but anyway, a girl got very very drunk, (which is a little hard to do, our work has a very high drinking culture, call centres basically do), she was quite so drunk that she threw up in front of the bar and yet, continued drinking... She was also wearif high high heels. Take note.
Later in the night, she happened to fall down the stairs and hurt herself.
Today, she is saying someone spiked her drink.
Now I in NO WAY condone drink spiking and would believe anyone saying that happened, but I saw how much she drank and I kinda lost respect for her when she came out and said that someone 'must have put something in her drink cause if she had drank as much as EVERYONE is saying she did she would have a hangover'.
Ps. Not the first time that someone has injured themselves at a work function from drinking too much.

And I'm gonna end it on this.
I'm moving work places in about 8 days. (same job, different location) and I just don't feel like it's happening yet. It's so odd.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

What do i want?

What do i want?

I ask myself this sometimes, and i never have an answer.
I'm not talking about wanting to have that thing in that shop, or have never ending amount of money.
I'm talking about life.
What do i want out of my life?

I don't know what i want.
I don't know what i want with my career, i don't know what i want in my house, or even what kind of house i want.
I don't know where i REALLY want to live.
I don't know whether i want to own my house or rent forever.
I don't know if i want to go and live overseas away from my family or close enough to them to see them every day.
I don't know if i want to live pay check to pay check or have spare money at the end of the week to save.
I don't know if i should be happy about how i live or if I'm not normal.
Sometimes i don't even know what happy is.
I don't know if i want to be a worker for the rest of my life or if i would make a better stay at home mum.

I know the 'proper' answers to these questions.
I know what people 'should' do.

But i don't know what i want.

Sometimes this scares me. Most of the time.

But i don't know what i can do about it.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Bedside Manner FAIL

I want to start by saying, i hate the phrase FAIL, like really hate it. But here it is needed.

So as you all know, i went to the dentist a WHOLE 2ish weeks ago cause i had a HORRIBLE toothache.

Anyway, so the dentist is not covered under Medicare. Which is basically kinda like the health care that Obama just bought into the US, i guess. Anyway, its expensive. Like real expensive. That's part of the reason why i hadn't gone in so long. Another part is because they suck.

So, the pain continued. It made me want to LIVE on pain pills, not the addicted type, but the 'i need to go to work and sleep and eat and without the pills, i physically can NOT do these things'. In fact i had to leave work early a few times because i just couldn't concentrate on what i had in front of me.

So i made another appointment. I had gone to a second dentist as i said here and they were all like, it could be this, it could be that. But they wanted to fix it under local. Now, i can't do that. I hear things and see things and i freak the fuck out. My whole body was shaking uncontrollably and they were like, nah, not going to work.
So i went back to the original place.

Now, one would assume, a dentist would know what the hell the problem is. I mean your mouth ain't that big. Doctors, they are a different story, but dentists, there ain't that much for them to think about.

I went in there thinking, i would leave with LESS pain. LESS, not none, i understand that things take time, so LESS would be good. Being able to touch my face when I'm in pain, i would like that. Being able to keep my eye open, when the pain happens, that would be great too.

Yeah, no.
What i got was yelled at, more pain and no conformation about what the actual problem is!!

Lets look at BEDSIDE MANNER:
Bedside manner is a term describing how a health care professional handles a patient, and is essential in affecting the doctor-patient relationship. A good bedside manner is typically one that reassures and comforts the patient while remaining honest about a diagnosis. Poor bedside manner leaves the patient feeling unsatisfied, worried, frightened, or alone. Bedside manner becomes difficult when a health care professional explains to the patient the true diagnosis, while keeping the patient from being alarmed.

Poor bedside manner leaves the patient feeling unsatisfied, worried, frightened, or alone.

When suggesting a fix, maybe don't try the same thing as i had two weeks ago, that i know didn't work, cause the pain got worse. Worried.

When i say, I'm scared that that pain will come back, AND I AM SHAKING UNCONTROLLABLY, don't say it maybe will, cause i don't know what the problem is. Frightened.

Don't say, in my 30 years of being a dentist i have never seen something like this before. unsatisfied

Don't say, if it was me, i would have come back sooner. You are a dentist, you charge people SHIT LOADS, of course you would come back sooner, YOU CAN AFFORD TOO!! Alone.

Wow, good work there, jerk face.

Ps. Just so you all know, the dentist i went to was BONDI BEACH DENTAL and i think my dentist name was Dr Sih, but not sure, cause he never introduced himself to me. Another thing that deserves a good job, jerk.

PPS. I have an itch on my lip, but i can't scratch it cause its still numb. Annoying.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010


Is it weird that I like to sit in bathrooms?
Like on tiled floors and walls.
And the coldness of it.
It kinda comforts me.

That's what I'm doing now instead of working.
Kinda hiding, kinda self reflecting in the bathroom.
I don't stay when it smells though. Yuck.

Ps. This was posted from my phone, so it's a bit meh. Anyone know any good apps for iPhones for blogger? Much appreciated. : )

by the by, I'm done with my work, hence the hiding. I'm not hiding from the work.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Grinding and Clenching... Don't be dirty!

So I have this thing where if I’m doing something that I have never done before I need reassurance. Like a little more then a little. OK, like a lot. Look, I’m needy alright?
I admit it, so that’s what I am. But only when doing something new or sometimes when I have been doing the same thing over and over and over, and I’m bored and I need motivation. Reassurance is always a good motivation.


So I’m working in a different team recently, (while my team and hard work goes to shit, just FYI), and I’m using systems that I have never used before, doing work I have never done before, with a team I have never worked in before. And I don’t know what the heck I’m doing here.

Now, I’m as modest as they come, I’m great at MY job, ask me a question and I’ll tell you 15 ways to do one things. BUT, you MUST do it MY way otherwise, you will ruin it and I will hate you. Pretty simple, right?

Ask me a question about another department and I’ll be right there giving you opinions, (let’s be honest, they probably won’t be very positive), and they just won’t be as good as me… (Remember that modesty thing I was talking about earlier *wink*)

But this working in another team thing is getting to me. I don’t know if what I am doing is good or bad, cause I get feedback of ‘it’s really good but just change it here….’ in a voice that sounds condescending, but I don’t know.
Am I doing it good enough?

And then even though the other person who is working with me knows what they are doing, today, we (me, the other team person, and our ‘boss’) did something together as a group. Now, to me, that makes it seem like showing me where I have gone wrong.
But they aren’t telling me, here is where you are going wrong, just this is what I mean.

I have no problem with being not good at what I’m doing (wait, I kinda do), but at least tell me where I’m going wrong, so I know what to work on and get better, so you all have less work and follow up to do.

I’m the type of person who if given a deadline and work to do, it is done before then. I may ask questions and confirm junk, but the work will be done. No questions asked, done. That’s just what I am. Now, that’s what I’m doing here. Doing the work and getting through it (I think) faster then they expected, cause come a few hours later, I’m sitting here trying to find work for myself… (Hence while I’m writing this at work).

But I’m also sitting here wondering if I got through it all (and it is now supposed to be another 2 days worth of work) am I doing it right?
Am I doing it proper?
Am I good enough?
If I’m not good enough, will this reflect badly on me, because I’m not doing it right, and I don’t know that I’m not doing it right, cause no one is actually telling me?

I want to do the work that I’m given and I want it to be good. I want to prove the person who said I wasn’t good enough to be in this department that they are wrong. But I also want to be able to tell myself, that yes, I can do this.

Its all so frustrating and I’m sitting here clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth, cause I’m bored and frustrated and trying to hide it all and trying to be as good as I can be with no feedback and giving myself a toothache cause of the grinding and clenching and then taking painkillers and being all drowsy and not wanting to work, but still doing it cause I want it to be good, but then not being sure and going home and not getting any relaxation time cause the pain killers basically knock me out as soon as i get home, but then i don't sleep good, cause they give me wicked bad dreams and I know that I used too many ‘and’s in this sentence but that is how it is being said in my head without a breath in between and now you can see why I’m clenching and grinding, no?

Also, in this role, I don’t understand why I have to write out the same damn thing like 16 times. Seriously, that’s what I'm doing. Writing out processes, but in different ‘levels’. Basically the same thing 16 times. But different.
Have you all ever done that? Its freaking driving me crazy. CRAZY like a loon.

Oh and to follow up on a non whingy subject, this made me smile, (in a non mean way) even though it is very wrong according to the law.

Oh, and if these people (in the link) are like rich, then I hope they get busted, but if its like little old people with the blue hair and old people like, .

Sunday, March 28, 2010


Dear Hare Krishna people,
Your singing always makes me smile. But that doesn't mean I want to be
brainwashed by it all.

Dear school children,
Your singing on a peak hour train, DOES NOT make me smile.
Oh and ps. Being children your supposed to give up your seat when
older people are standing. Learn some gosh darn manners!!

Dear Kings Cross,
I shall miss you. A lot. Tear.

Dear new apartment on the 34th floor,
You kinda scare me. I hope your worth it.

Dear husband,
When we watch a movie at home, i like it to be like the movies. You
know quiet, no phone calls stopping the movie, etc etc. I gave you the
no darkness thing, give me the quiet thing.

Dear tummy,
Stop rumbling, I already fed you tea.

Ps. Sorry for the shortness. :(

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

can anyone tell me

if i take my tongue ring out, how long will the hole take to close up?

I don't wanna take it out, but its bothering me.

But the hole freaks me the hell out!!

Sunday, March 21, 2010


So i don't know if i have posted this before, or if i have just written and then not posted, but i don't know and I'm too lazy to look, (you all should be used to that ;p) so it might just be a double up. Oh well.

I read a blog called, 'Give me back my five bucks'. I have been reading it awhile and i go through stages where i have to read it all the way from the beginning and go all the way through to today, (even re reading posts that i read when i discovered). And Krystal, did a post back in October and i wanted to do the test thing she was talking about. (even though i think i did it back then, hence not being sure whether i posted it or not).

So here is my results:

you are a concerned realist.

about you
you are a realist

Your attention to detail, appreciation of how things function, and awareness of the world around you make you a REALIST.

Routines are reassuring to you—you feel safer and more at ease when sticking with familiar things.

You like to stay close with those around you, seeking comfort from familiar faces.

You are interested in processes—how things work, what they do, and why—not just how things look.

Sometimes you doubt that you can find solutions to problems, although you have a good sense of why things happen, and can use that knowledge to find the best way to do something.

You are down to earth, concerned more with practical, detail-oriented things than with dreamy or ambiguous ideas.

You have a good sense of your abilities and weaknesses, and don't let your ego get in your way.

You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

If you want to be different:

Appreciate that your skill set can be useful in many ways; your attention to detail and your familiarity with the inner-workings of things are valuable assets.

Try looking beyond the earthly qualities of things in order to expand your perspective, without losing your grounding in reality.

how you relate to others
you are concerned

Your understanding of others' emotions, your sense of right and wrong, and your skeptical nature make you CONCERNED.

Your observations of your environment, in concert with your clearly defined worldview, leads you to be aware of the feelings of others.

Because you can read people well, and because you can understand their feelings, you are often bothered by others' insensitive behavior.

While you appreciate others' emotional nature, you don't think their emotional concerns should take precedence over their obligations to society.

You prefer to be in smaller groups, as big groups can occasionally get out of hand.

Order and structure are somewhat important to you—you believe that people's feelings are better protected when others are respectful and follow certain societal guidelines.

You tend to share your feelings with a few individuals who are close with you, but otherwise you are a somewhat private person.

If you want to be different:

Let your caring nature allow you to put more trust in people in general—you can have more faith in them without losing your valuable skepticism.

I think it sums me up pretty well..
Anyone disagree?
Right then.

Ps. Look, sorry if this post is just going in circles. My mouth hurts (still! But the chocolates {Milky ways!!} I'm eating probably isn't helping), and its late and i should be sleeping, but its that time of night where my street gets loud, so unless I'm already asleep gotta give it like an hour or so.. Fun times.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


I have a lot of fears.

I don't know if i have more then the normal person or not, cause really who talks about their fears?

Even if a fear is shared, does it really go away? I don't think so, but i thought i would share (some) of my fears.
Hopefully, you all won't think of me as a huge weirdo cause of some of my strange fears.

Just before i start, some of them, are kinda of silly, but i can't help it.
Don't judge.

I fear things i can't see. Like, if I'm on a boat, and i can't see all the way to the bottom of the lake/ocean, i FREAK out. The husband and i went on a paddle boat thing one time when we went to Melbourne. It was half sinking. I cried. Out of fear.

I fear heights. So much so, i couldn't walk across a rope bridge cause it was unstable and so so high.

I fear owing people things. I guess, debt, although, i have a lot of it. But on bills and everything, i have to be in credit, no matter if it leaves me broke.

I fear being alone. I can stand a night alone, or going out in the day alone, but being without family and friends, that scares the shit out of me.

I like to think that i don't fear travel, but i don't know. I mean, i would love to travel around the world and see all the amazing things that are out there, but being so far from everything and everyone i love? That scares me.
Also, i would LOVE to go to Venice, cause i mean, how amazingly beautiful? but then i think about all that water and i freak out even now.

I fear being judged. In my mind, I'm not good enough, so for someone else to say that as well. No way would i be able to - even thinking about that now makes my heart do that roller coaster thing.

I fear not being good enough for my (future) children. I have ideas in my head, that i want to buy a house, if only to give them something stable and theirs.

I fear bath tubs. I know this is silly, but its true. First, baths are gross, you go in dirty and then your water becomes dirty. YOU ARE LYING IN YOUR DIRT IN WATER. YOU ARE NOT REALLY GETTING CLEAN!! But also, we live in apartments, so i have this thing in my head, that with all that weight from the water, it could totally break through the bottom and i will be falling into someones house. Naked. That is scary. (I also, was thinking about this in the shower the other day, and had to get out of there, cause i freaked MYSELF out so much. I'm not normal, i know.)

Sometimes i fear I'm not alone when I'm alone in my house. There was a post in this blog about how a man was coming into her house and was talking to her son and she came home and found him. THAT FREAKED ME THE HELL OUT!! Even though it was so long ago that it was too much looking for the post, it still freaks me out that that could happen to me, even though my building is pretty new, and there is no where to get into my house except the front door.

I fear failure. Sometimes i fear i have depression. I fear boredom. I fear that the mirrors that are on EVERY wall in my bathroom are two mirrors. I fear not being good enough and lowering peoples expectations of me. I fear the thoughts in my head, sometimes. I fear ruining people and things. I fear that to the people that mean a lot to me, i mean nothing. I fear i will do something that my family will disown me. I fear people finding out about this blog and thinking I'm a terrible person, or telling more and more people about it. I fear too much that i can't even write it all here.

How come...

when i have a day off with nothing to do, there are no blogs to read....??
Like I'm all up to date.

Yet i go to bed and when i wake up in the morning, 11 people have posted new things?!?!

Not complaining, but i would have preferred them all yesterday when i was bored, not now, when I'm procrastinating getting ready for work.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Little letters..

Dear work,

Even though I'm doing something different, its still kinda boring... It wasn't for a few days, but now, kinda is...

Dear work x2,

I know and you know, that i deserve more- wait, no, i EARNED more then what you are offering me, and that you will be screwed without me. Get your head out of your arse and do something about it already, or I'm gonna be gone.

Dear Husband,

I'm sorry i have been such a wimp for this whole dentist thing. I know that you need the dentist just as much if not more, and you are in pain as well. I'm sorry, really.

Dear new real estates,

Please PICK ME, PICK ME!! I will be a good tenant and wont break things, AND even if things break, i will just live with it, i wont even bother you with those small details. I really wanna live here.

Dear Mouth,

Just stop hurting. Please. I'm like begging you now. I don't like to cry, and i don't like to take 2 packets of pain killers in just under 72 hours. That's not got to be healthy for me or you, mouth. Lets just be friends. I promise, i will even try not to eat all those sugar filled things i usually eat. I haven't for a little over 72 hours now. AND i WILL brush twice a day.

Dear Dentist/s,

Dentist 1, i know that i hadn't been to the dentist in a long time. I didn't need the lecture. If you weren't so scary, there wouldn't be a problem. I think its just the smell. And the sucker thing. Get rid of them, and you will be sweet.
(Also, if you have yellow teeth, i kinda wont take you serious, BUT if you treat me like a child, i will do almost exactly what you want).

Dentist 2, i really hope that you are nice and not lecture giving and make me not hurt anymore. I will even consider coming back on a regular basis.

Dear Spellcheck in Blogger,

Why don't you have a change all option? When I'm typing, i don't do apostrophes and i spell and NAD almost always. I don't like having to go through each one. Its tiring. AND while I'm talking to you, why don't you change the i's to I's? What kind of spell check are you?!?!

Dear Tyler Conium,

Who are you?
I follow you on twitter, cause i wanted to get updates from both sides about the US/Canada hockey game, but i have NFI who you are. But i know that you have a blog, (which i hadn't looked at til now), and you tweet A LOT. Can anyone tell me?

Oh, and PS. I found that blog that was on Post Secret. It seemed pretty interesting, but she hasn't posted much since she started getting a billion comments saying, found you through post secret, over and over...

Monday, March 15, 2010


So i had a terrible tooth ache yesterday.
So bad that it went up to my eye and my jaw was chattering uncontrollable.
I ended up taking the maximum amount of panadeine plus and the pain was still there.
It was fun.

So when i woke up today and was still pain that husband decided i should go to the dentist.

I HATE THE DENTIST. I hate the smell and the sucking thing and the scraping and EVERYTHING.

So anyway, I'm writing this with half my face numb and even though i feel like I'm drooling i don't think i am, and my tongue is all tingly and i don't like it at all anymore.

I have to go back next week. I want to go back, cause the lady was kinda nice.

But i don't want to be a drop face.

Oh and i had to take out my tongue ring at the dentist. Have you ever tried doing that while your hands AND tongue is shaking and with a numb half a face? Yeah, not easy.

So i went to work yesterday, and was filled to the brim with pain pills. The good stuff. Well, the good stuff i could buy over the counter, cause even though i went to the dentist IN pain, and ALL they did was take an xray, lecture me, and clean my teeth, THAT DID NOTHING ONCE THE NUMBNESS LEFT!! Awesome work there. Just awesome.

Anyway, yesterday, i bought forward my appointment from Thursday week to Monday, which is better.

But then.... I think i took too many pills, cause all it did was make me light headed and kinda shaky... That's not good... And even though i asked my twitter followers:

So apart from maybe dying, ummm, what happens when you take too many pain killers? Light headedness and strange arm feelings? That's me.


Awesome again.

So last night, i was still taking the pills after stopping for a little while, until i felt normal. And nothing. No change in the pain.

I ended up falling asleep on the couch, but then when i woke up (and brushed my teeth for the second time that night :) ) pain again. Lots of pain. Enough pain to make me cry and the husband feel real sorry for me.

Yes, I'm a wimp.

So i ended up waking up at least 4 times in pain, and would get up, take a pill, wait til it worked and then go back to bed.
This morning when i woke up? I had run out of pills. SUCKS.

So i made an appointment with another dentist, so they can actually help me. I want to buy more pain pills, but i didn't like the light headedness, and i hope they don't numb my face today.


Ps. i have already cried from pain this morning.

Sunday, March 14, 2010


A bunch of stuff has been going on in my life at the moment.
So much, that i haven't blogged, just cause i haven't had time to think about what has happened in my day and put it into words.

On the home front, random people have been in my house and i don't know when i will have to move.
Yesterday, the husband noticed a sign out the front of our building about 2 rentals available here. One was fully furnished, (seriously, who the heck wants to use furniture that others have used? Imagine what you do with/on your furniture and using the same as others. Its just gross.), so we skipped that.
But one was not, so we looked. We love our building. I love the area a LOT. I don't want to move, and if an apartment is available in the same building, how much easier would it be to move?!? (yes, laziness plays a major part!;) )
The one we looked at, is bigger then our apartment and $80 more expensive (a week), but looking at the extra space, (and bigger balcony, and convenience), it IS worth it.

Then, we were thinking about travel and how much it costs to get to work, and with the changes with work -keep reading, I'll explain- it will end up costing us more.

We upped our maximum price (not super happy about that was hoping to go lower and have more savings), and found two AMAZING places in the city city, that i would love to live at. More convenient for travel and living, since we go to the city most weekends anyway.

So, we'll have to arrange viewings and get our bond arranged and all fun moving things like that... and then hopefully, we will have a new house in the next month or so.

Oh and PS. I don't think that staying is an option esp if the real estate will be the same. He is a jerk and we don't want to deal with him anymore. Ever.

Now, the work front. Sigh.

Been at my job for almost 6 years. (Rounding up here, it will be 6 years in July). Longer then my boss, his boss and his boss. Longer then a lot of people who are still working here.
I admit, i don't always love my job. Sometimes i HATE it. Sometimes i wake up and don't want to go to work. But doesn't everyone?
My work is moving, as in the people in my department and most of the other departments. We are moving locations and management, i guess? I don't really know if that's what it is, but i don't know if that matters a bunch.

Anyway, in the movement, our job descriptions change. Which mean our pay changes. Which seems like a good thing, right? Nope.
To be honest, i can start again at another company and be on more then what I'm on now AND what i will be on.

And i don't mean to sound ungrateful, cause that's not what it is about.

But compare my 6 (almost) years experience with the two others in my team. These two have been with the company for 2 and 3 years.
They regularly questions policies and processes that they should (in our role) know about.
I am (on more then one occasion) asked to help out our knowledge team to write up processes and clarify the information that they have. I'm currently helping them now.

That's gotta tell you something about my knowledge and experience right?

My wage, got changed to the minimum for my section, the same as the other two in my team.
To me, that tells me that i should start looking for a new job.

So i don't know where i am, or should be at the moment.
I don't know what i want.

I have looked at a complete career change, like a cop or something like that, but firstly, im unfit, so unfit, and second, I'm scared.
I like where i am, I'm comfortable. I don't deal with change well.

So we'll see, where i go.
We'll see if my company thinks I'm worth more.
We'll see if we get the apartment we want.
We'll see if i have to start job searching for serious, again.
We'll see.

The lump loves the worry inside the resident food.

Saturday, February 27, 2010


So I'm cranky right now and to calm down I'm writing, so unless you want to hear a rant, stop reading.

So, i mentioned on a previous post that our house is getting sold, so we have to move.

So the real estate wanted to have a viewing, but because we only have one key, and we weren't going to be in the same state, (visiting family in Victoria) he was all like, OK, I'll get the building manager to let me in.
The building manager was all like, i ain't letting you in, the owner was supposed to change the locks 3 months ago, so no way!! (same reason why he wouldn't fix my door key).
So then, he was all like arranging with the husband for us to leave our ONLY key for him to be able to be let in, and we were cool with that, AS LONG AS WE GOT IT BACK WHEN WE ARRIVED. (I'm sure you all can see where this is headed).

Lets rewind to Wednesday, we had kinda cleaned up our house, but not to the point of letting people walk through it. (we ain't grubs, but we don't make a small mess in living). So the real estate man was talking with the husband about the key, and getting in and all that, and real estate man was all, I'll come over tonight to change the lock, and the husband was like sorry, we wont be there, so no. Blah blah, long story short, real estate guy was all like, OK, I'll come over on Thursday NIGHT, so our plan was to come home after work, clean and scrub and make everything sparkly clean, and then finish up on Thursday before we left (about lunch time).
Turns out, we were sleepy on Wednesday, so went to bed early, and then woke up early on Thursday to clean completely.

I got up about 8, and started semi cleaning and waited for the husband to wake up. Then about 9am, got in the shower, (wouldn't usually share that, but its important). Got out of the shower AND I HEAR OUR FRONT DOOR BEING OPEN AND PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT 'THIS MUST HAVE BEEN THE REASON WHY THEY DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU THE KEY'.

The husband ended up yelling at them to get out, (only MUCH meaner words), so they left.
Wouldn't you believe, about 2 mins later, AGAIN the real estate man just opens the door and walks in AGAIN.

PS. what he did was totally ILLEGAL. While he did have permission to come when we were not there, at night, he DID NOT DID NOT DID NOT have permission to come in the morning, nor did he have permission to come in, after we told/asked/demanded he leave the 2nd time.

Even though we were super pissed off, we still cleaned the house super clean, like, so clean, that people could mistake it for a hotel room, (apart from the boxes of packed stuff).

So we went to the families, left our only key with the building manager so that the viewings could go ahead while we were away and skip to today.

Got a sms this morning, saying that the viewing was cancelled. Not so bad, cause whatever, gives us more time to find a new place.

Get home tonight, about 11pm, to look in the mailbox, (where the key SHOULD have been to find....


Speak to the concierge to find....


Today is Saturday, building manager doesn't work on the weekend.

Which means, at least one of us needs to be home to let the other in, OR we have to leave our home unlocked.

We were supposed to be seeing Wicked tomorrow with my sister and mum, but if we both go, it means we won't be able to get back in.
So the husband is saying home.
Christmas present/$100+ wasted.

So i hate jerk real estate guy so much i want to punch him in the face, or as my twitter said earlier:


Hope this at least entertained some of you for a short time...

Add to all this, i got the flu/a cold while down in Melbourne and its so not fun.
Oh and i left my phone there.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Post secret, the Olympics and moving...

Just a quick note to say a few things…

I love postsecret. It’s awesome.
However, yesterdays secrets have generated a lot of traffic to a certain blog, or at least in search of a certain blog.

Here is the pic of the secret.

Now I admit, I tried looking for this blog.
Im interested in reading it.
I couldn’t find it. :(

The Olympics, the Olympics.
Now apart from 2000 when I worked at them, and it was in my home town (kinda), I don’t really care about the Olympics, but the husband has been forcing me to watch the terrible terrible coverage of it that is on late at night. (See here for more info on the terrible coverage).
I also don’t care for the cold and snow, and seeing it all is just encouraging the husband to plan TWO snow trips in the next 12 months. Sigh.

But I have been kinda getting into it, (if anyone tells the husband, then I’ll totally deny deny deny).

I really enjoyed Dale Begg Smith and his ‘controversy’ and I really enjoyed that US won the hockey over Canada. *at the time of writing, the game is still going on, and im assuming, given the score is 3-2, and am following @shameheadboy’s twitter updates, plus I want them to win, so that totally counts).

Now, the most fun part… *total sarcasm*
We have lived with the following:
*broken dishwasher – it doesn’t always work. It will stop halfway through and just beep. Annoying.
*air con only works in one room. Our bedroom (and bathroom) is ice cold when the air con is on, but the lounge room, like 30 degrees. Sucks.
*a door card doesn’t work. So only one of us can open the door. OR we can leave our house unlocked, so we don’t have to worry about not being able to get in. (that delightful suggestion was given to us by the building manager).
*and a buzzer that has never ever worked.

We haven’t really gotten these fixed, cause the real estate is kinda crappy, and it’s a hassle to get them to get in touch with the owner to fix them.
But we got a call last week that the owner wants to sell and we gotta move.
I think I like the idea of living with all these things that are wrong then having to move.

The upside is that the crap that we have moved from the house that we lived in before this one, (and the one before that), we (or the husband) went through and got rid of a lot of the crap, so hurrah on that!?