Sunday, May 30, 2010


...i wish you would take my side for once
...i wish it was you who compromised and not me
...i think the people who doubted us were right
...i think what would have happened if we didn't
...i wish you would understand should be easier should be about me and not always about you
...i fear for the future
...i wish you would admit when you are wrong
...i look around and i don't recognize anything
...i look around and don't see ME
...i think about what i have missed
...i wish you would listen
...i try and think about what i want - and i can't think of a single thing, not because i don't want things, but because i know i probably wont get them so why bother
...i need you to see ME but you don't or won't
...i regret everything
...i want this to end

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

So i haven't died or anything.

I'm in the midst of writing a post.

It just is hard when i like sleep and catching up on awesome shows like this. And if you are serious about entertainment, this.
(you know its good when its made in NZ and I'm suggesting it.)

So when i finally finish that post, (which has me admitting something that i wouldn't normally) I'll put it up. AND it will even have pictures!!

Get excited.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Little (or not so little) letters

Dear person whom I'm no longer in touch with because of someone else choice.
I miss you.
I miss your kids.
I'm sad that I've missed them growing cause someone else's choice. The choice wasn't bad, but the consequences of that choice in relation to you and your wonderful little family to me, kinda sucks.
We gotta catch up.
Ps. Sometimes I 'stalk' you on facebook and am so proud of you and everything that you have done since then.

Dear house, (mine not the doctor)
I really like you, but one thing. 7am (or earlier) is not a good time to be waking me up. I know, I know, you have no control over the sun, but when it comes blazing in (even with blinds closed) that falls to you house. Also, when I'm walking around in my underwear and have forgotten to close the blinds, can you do something so the neighbours don't see? Thanks house.

Dear dryer (and washer to some extent),
So I know I lose a lot of hair. I know it's cause I don't brush it. **NOTE: I DO wash it, it's totally clean, so stop thinking I'm gross** but really d&w, it makes me dry retch when I go to put clothes on straight from you both when they are at their best and I find hair.
Not just a strand but a whole chunker. Seriously, I already have to clean the lint thingy, can't you catch it all in there?

Dear people who live on my level,
I know it's hard to read the 5 or so signs in the garbage room, and even harder to actually follow them, but it's gross when you don't put your rubbish in the garbage shoot.
It's even worse when you put it in the recycling or even JUST ON THE FLOOR. Really, I know that the shoot is turned off sometimes, but that just means you have to take your TIED bag back home and wait like 30 mins. So please stop it. The husband gets cross every time he takes the rubbish out and I think soon it will fall to me and I don't want it.

Dear people who ride scooters who are no longer at school,

Dear people who cross when the man says don't walk,
All it takes is two minutes, either two minutes waiting and your fine or two minutes and BAM something hits you. I know what's it's like and it isn't as fun as it seems. Trust me, all you will end up with is a scar on your head and never being able to do your hair right cos of it.

Dear new person in my team,
You are new. Probably not the best to come in all arrogant and acting like you can work harder and do more then the people already in the team when you have no experience whatsoever in what we do. Also, even though you cant do much right now, going on endless breaks? Not a good idea. Just a heads up, you are new and your attitude, it's putting people offside. Not the best way to start.

Dear customers who fax stuff to my company,
I appreciate you. I really value you as customers but, please just give me one day where we are up to date with the hundreds of faxes that we receive. I was totally being sincere with the first part of appreciating and valuing you, honest.

Dear my dear friend Balamino,
Congratulations for Sunday (or Monday here). I know you picked right and even though I haven't met him, I know your life will be filled with joy and his life will be better for having you in it. I still want you to come over and visit soon though.

Dear 'promoter' who I used to work with,
Just stop it.

Dear mislabelled size 6 jeans,
I assume you were mislabelled, cause my behind is not that small, but thank you. Every time i wear you, you make me feel good cause I'm in a size 6!!
Ps. That's like a size 2 in US people.

Monday, May 10, 2010

I don't have a title for this, so sue me.

So I have a New boss now. Work moved. Same (old) job. Different location. It's strange cause my old boss has been hanging around helping with the move and changes and habit tends to follow us both.
He'll hear me say something and want to fix it or I'll see him and go to tell him about my issues. But it's different.
I don't think my new boss 'gets' me yet. It might take awhile. I'm too used to everyone knowing what I'm like. Almost 6 years (5 in this role) at the same place with mostly the same people does that.
I guess it didn't help that I told him he reminded me of Sully the first time we chatted either. But without the fur.
I couldn't help it though. Nerves = talking. Talking = honesty. That should be good right?

{I would put his photo up but that would be wrong... and also he shaved since i told him that and he kinda looks different now so won't. Also cause it would be wrong.}

New job location means new travel. I used to walk to the station and then catch a train to work and then walk some more. All good for my non exercising self.
Now, I walk to a different station that's further away and get a bus right to the door of my work. Cheaper. But even though it's further that I have to walk, I get hungry. And even though it's all kinds of terrible I walk past a few McDonald's and kinda maybe have stopped there most days to get breakfast.

I also have now taken the habit of walking through the QVB on my way to, but not back. On the way back I just wanna get home. But on the way to work, I like to take my time. I get to work an hour early anyway, so I like to slow it down a little. Which means my 10(ish) min journey gets extended to sometimes 30, and you know what?I don't mind at all. The qvb is beautiful. My mum used to force us to go there when we were young and in the city. They have this clock that told a story and we HAD to watch the whole thing not cause it was interesting to us then, i mean, we were young and easily bored.... wait, i still am, but anyway. I appreciate it now. Not necessarily the clock, cause i don't think it goes off anymore, or at least not when I'm there, but it just is an awesome pretty way to start the day.

Thats all i have for now.

Wait, does anyone else have trouble spelling the word necessarily or necessary or any variations of that? I totally do and i spell it so badly that spell check is all like, ummmm, so not a word and then i have to google and i feel even more silly. And then i share it with all of you. Yep.

Monday, May 3, 2010

25. Plus some.

Great for stalking.
Annoying for silly silly games.
Great for stalking.
Annoying for random work people adding me.
Great for stalking.
So i did this 25 things thing a little while ago, and i thought i would look over it again. Some of the things, i still agree with. Some have changed. Others i have added to.

**By the by, i know that this is more then 25, but i started this list on my phone and kept adding. I ended up just picking 25 and posting them, but this is my blog, so i make the rules**

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.


1. I have the same middle name as most of the females in my family and I love that if I ever changed my surname to my husbands, I'll still have that.

2. I feel like I have no direction in my life and I love and hate it at the same time. I also haven't got any of those great life plans that people talk about. At the moment, I think I'm hating that. It doesn't give me much to strive for or look forward to. I think i might have some idea of what i want. Not going to share it yet though

3. I sometimes wish I could turn back time to when I didn't have a worry or stress, but then I wouldn't be who I am. I also have trouble finding a time like that.

4. I would do anything in the world for my family, including die for them. If anything happened to any of them, it would break my heart.

5. Re: 4, I think dying in place for someone is rather selfish though.
Think about it, if they are THAT important to you, you must be to them, and if you can't live without them, how could you make them live without you. That said, I would still do it if need be.

6. My favourite colour is pink and although it doesn't seem like it, I like girly dresses, although I'm too insecure about my legs to wear them.

7. I think I know too much about somethings and not enough about others, I wish that the ratio was more even, then I wouldn't be as frustrated/ confused all the time.

8. I believe I have a mild case of OCD. I can't help it, If I need to do something, I need to do it then and do it right according to me.
And if someone else tries to help and does it different, watch out. Working on this one. I'm allowing myself to make more mistakes and changes. Its hard though.

9. I like reading true crime. Mostly child abuse. Not because I'm sick, but because it makes me feel less guilty about my life and more guilty at the same time. I can't explain it, but it's good, I think.

10. Contrary to most peoples belief, I'm really not a bitch, I think it related back to point 8. Although, I do have bad days.

11. I have a bad case of FOMO. I think I have had it all my life, (only it was nameless until recently) and I think it will continue forever.

12. I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid about the after ness of dying. What happens if everyone is wrong? (ps. I don't mean to offend anyone with that point.)

13. When ever I listen to music out in public, I always think people can hear it and are judging me on it.

14.I hate when I have to repeat myself. If I'm making the effort to tell you something, you can at least make the effort to listen! Oh my gosh, I hate it.
14.5. I also hate bring questioned when I am asked to help. If you don't like my answer, fine, but don't question me. You asked for MY help.

15. I hold grudges. It doesn't matter how stupid you think I'm being, if I'm crossed, I will hold it up on you, until I lose the motivation or energy to hold it anymore. I can't help it, so sorry in advance. Oh and if I'm told I'm being stupid because of it or the reason is stupid, it will just make it last longer... So probably don't. ; p

16. Re: 15. I'm stubborn. Don't try and change my mind or tell me I'm wrong, it won't work.

17. I like acknowledgement. Selfish probably, but something as simple as a thanks or appreciate it, is enough. I use it as motivation. If I don't get enough, I stop. I think I give it back, let me know if I don't though.I can never accept it though. I always always always just palm it off, in the nicest possible way.

18. Although I'm good at hiding it, (at least I think I am anyway) I am very emotional. Ps. Angry = not an emotion. That's just everyday. ; ) I also care too much about most things.

19. I love love love SLEEP! I could sleep all day, but then I get cross at myself for wasting the day, so I really can't win.

20. I though it would be easier to think of 25 things....

21. It takes a bit to earn my respect, but once you have it, unless you cross me, I will respect you 100%.

22. I wish I was more brave.

23. I moved into my house a few months ago and there are still things to unpack. Some people would blame this on laziness, I blame time and storage space. Do we have any volunteers to do for me? So i was talking about my old house when i posted this the first time, but now a month after moving, same thing. Lets boxes though.

24. If I won the lotto, I think I would only keep enough to pay off my debts/bills, the rest I would give to family then friends.

25. I could spend hours on facebook, stalking everyone I know and then people they know. I think I have a problem of needing to know everything about everyone. I also want to point out, I CAN NOT stand it when people use text speak or misspellings in status updates.
Nothing bugs me more. I blame the OCD.

26. I feel like I'm always putting others before myself.

27. I hate being late, to anywhere.

29. I hate having hair on my clothes, it's the most annoying thing when I can feel it but can't see it.

30. I hate when people do accents. Just hate it. Esp when they are not good at them. Im ok if you HAVE an accent, but if you put one on, my gosh. You may not think you sound bad, but just stop.

31. My phone is ALWAYS on silent. Not because it has to be, but because I can't stand ring tones, any ringtones at all. So if you call and I miss it, the reason is cause I didn't hear/see my phone, not that I'm ignoring you. Although sometimes it is. ; p

32. I need noise to sleep. Although sometimes the noise keeps me awake for longer then I should be awake too...

33. I set 5 alarms to get up. Starting an hour before I have to and in 15 min intervals, that way when I really really have to get up I'm already semi awake and it's not as difficult to get up.