Realisations

**Please note, I was awake til about 5am last night *and may have had a lot to drink* and its now 8am, i don't know why my body hates sleep today, all i know is that it does, let me apologize in advance**

So my husband turned 30 yesterday, and while he didn't want to celebrate it (except when it came to presents), that was cool. I was going to write a post on that, but its basically i got him an ipad, (cause I'm the best wife in the world), and a book he wanted, and a DVD that he bought and didn't tell me about, and some $$$ for comics. Best wife in the world right here.
My other friend had a party, and the husband decided that we were going to that.

Anyway, i wrote a post last night while i was lying in bed, on my phone, with one eye needing to be shut, cause otherwise i wouldn't have been able to see anything. And while it was full of misspellings, and in no form will be copied and pasted here, the premise is going to be. (is premise even the right word?!? - i don't even know)

I've realised that I don't really have the ability to talk to males, who I a) don't know (or at least not without a distraction b) males who i think may be attracted to me (again at least not with a distraction c) who I'm attracted to.
Give me a guy who knows I'm not available, a guy i have to work with, or a gay and I'm down. I can have conversations all night long.
But any of the other three, and i will make an excuse, any excuse to either talk about anything apart from myself, (or him) or make an excuse to leave the conversation. Just so i don't have to feel awkward.

I also hate HATE small talk. Or at least with people i don't know. I'd prefer to sit in silence with people i do know.

So anyway, last night, i noticed this guy notice me (please note, this is an option a) and b) issue here, not an option c) issue).
He seemed polite and while he introduced himself, (after a female friend was checking him out), i introduced myself *I'm not rude, gosh* and basically made an excuse to introduce said female friend. Who then said i was married, (no lie and i was thankful) and while i was talking to her about it, *kinda rudely, shut up*, he walked away.

But then later, he came back, and reintroduced himself and basically tried to converse with me, and i *rudely* made an excuse to go (upstairs, but really i just wanted to not be there).

Now, there was nothing wrong with this boy, (from the 5 seconds of conversation i had with him), but i just found it so awkward, that i wanted to do anything to end the awkward.

And i don't know why.
I have this issue with guys that I'm attracted to as well.
I can talk to everyone around them, but one on one, (at least when people are around), pffft. Nothing. Give me any excuse.
I'm 15 again.

It sucks.

And at this time i had had a ton to drink (PS. two litres of Vodka and a litre of Midori were taken to be shared with 4 people. It all was gone which is why I'm home at all), so i can't even say i didn't have dutch courage, (again, is that even the right word?!?)

Like i said, it sucks.


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In other news, apart from that, i had a fantastic night.
I can't even remember the last time i went out drinking (partly trying to save money, partly I'm 50 and i don't like to get shit faced every weekend like other 25 year olds, partly i live in the middle of the city, so i see the drunks and the aftermath of the drunks every weekend).
But my gosh, i had a fantastic night.
I was with people i love (mostly), and while i didn't know some/most of the people, it was fun nonetheless.
AND!!
The best part of all, although i did drink a heck of a lot, and slept a teeny bit, my head is fine, not feeling hung over even a little.
I am a bit thirsty though.

Good times!