Wednesday, October 7, 2009


This has been on my mind for a while now, but i haven't really told anyone the full details of the situation and never really thought about it fully myself, but allowed it to continue to bug me.

I don't like hypocrites. I really don't. I also can acknowledge when i am being hypocritical myself, and try not to be. Simple as that.*

I 'had' this person, companion, acquaintance, associate, buddy, chum, call it what you will, i will say friend. Had being in quotations because i don't know if i would call this person, or whether this person would call me a friend anymore.

Now, this was a person, that i worked with. Worked closely with. Pretty came to work in a good mood, cause i knew that if i was in a bad mood, this person would be able to make me laugh, or distract me, or encourage me to continue to be cranky and get over that quicker.

Now, a few things about my work is that there was/is sometimes a high school mentality. That's what you get when you mostly have young people in a large group together for a long period of time. Add to that, drinking together and you pretty much what most people would see at a high school. You had the cliques that you would have at school, but there were also times that you were an adult. Basically, its FUN. (most of the time.)

Now, WE used to have fun too. WE used to complain about the same things. WE used to mess around and slack off. WE used to gossip A LOT. WE used to be childish, and WE had FUN.

Then something happened and this person left my workplace.
I'm not going to go into specifics, cause that doesn't help anyone, but they left.
And I was left to deal with the ramifications of our work alone.
I'm not saying that they were all bad.

It made me realize that I couldn't always have fun, and slack off, and say, that can be done tomorrow. I had to change.

And I did.

I grew up a lot.

Yes, I still am childish sometimes, and yes, I still have fun.

But instead of being an adult 1 day out of 5 before, its basically been reversed.

Now, I'm not saying that this person was someone pulling me down, NOT AT ALL. I'm saying that I have changed.
Would I have been this way had this person stayed at work? I don't know. That didn't happen, so I can't answer that.

Anyway, what is concerning to me is the judgment.

To be honest, the 'end of the friendship', happened when I made a comment on twitter. This comment was not to this person, but made in general. (TBH, it was about someone else.) Yet, rather then ask me, this person took it to be about themselves and while it wasn't a nice comment, and I wasn't in a good mood, I didn't explain myself then. Maybe I should have. But maybe I shouldn't have to explain everything I do/say/write to this person and that's how I feel.

After that, I was 'unfollowed', (non twitter people, this means that the unfollower no longer gets an update of your 'tweets'). I didn't care that much about that. I figured, rather then try and explain myself and have me on the back foot, I would like this person get over it themselves. I wouldn't push myself onto this person.

Twice, maybe three times, I have made comments to this person, as a friend and both times, I was shot down completely. Reason from what I can figure out, is that I am still at the same job. At the 'high school' job. Being a child.

One time, specifically, I was being sympathetic to this person, SYMPATHETIC, and their response was to tell me to stop whinging about my job. (wait, was it sympathy or empathy that you take an example from your life and use it to show similarities? Whatever one it is, that's what I was doing.) Yes, I was using an example from my work, however, this person was complaining about something, it wasn't just me saying 'complain, whinge, complain'.

Other times, it was things that we would have talked about for days when they were at work, no doubt.

Now, apart from that one misconstrued comment, I haven't or don't think that I have, done anything to make this person judge me or 'unfriend' me at all.

We have mutual friends and that makes this difficult. And that's why I'm sick of not sharing. Another friend asked me to a party and I was apprehensive of saying yes, after I heard that this person was invited too. Just invited, not even definitely going.
This other person also made sure to mention that they weren't sure what was going on between the two of us, but they friend was being invited too.
That was the last straw.

Apart from that one misconstrued comment, I haven't or don't think that I have, done anything to make this person judge me or 'unfriend' me at all.
Yet, other people are uncomfortable talking about this friend to me.

Now, if I go to said party, I'm not going to go out of my way to avoid them. I'm not going to say to my husband, (who talks to said friend now, but they pretty much hated each other when myself and friend were friends), not to speak to them. I'm going to do my best to not make it awkward for anyone involved.

But I don't know if I should have to do that.

I don't know really what to do, or if I want to do ANYTHING.

*In saying that, I'm not calling this person a hypocrite, I'm just saying.

1 comment:

Selah said...

I'm probably thee worst advice giver ever, but I think you've got a few options. Two I can think of are to: release the negative energy and the let go of this ex-friend OR try to reconcile.

I think both require you to handle the situation with maturity. (i.e. you don't have to go talkin ish behind their back LOL). I don't think doing "nothing" is an option, since it clearly bugs you.

Hope it works out!! If not, vent here on your blog. Hey, that's part of what blogs are for! LOL