Wednesday, June 10, 2009


This happened a little while ago, but it still plays on my mind and I hate hate HATE that it does, so I thought by sharing, I might be able to finally let it go. Maybe.
Sorry there are no pictures in this post.

So I have mentioned my work a few times cos that's where most of my hates come from, but this is yet another work story. I don't know if I have said this or not, (and I'm being too lazy to look back and check), but I have been with my company almost 5 years. It'll be 5 years in about a month. I started there a little over a year after I left school and after a year of the most boring tafe course of what I thought I wanted to do.It has been my first REAL job.

Also note that I don't like rejection very much. This will come up later. ; p

So when I started this job I was just a rep, (oh and ps. In case I didn't mention it earlier also, I work at a call centre, again the laziness). So I was at the bottom of the rung. Being my first job and being young (or youngish at least), I had no career plans. Plus I still kinda don't. It's not that didn't plan on being loyal to the company and all that, it's just it was a job to start with and I had just discovered that I wasn't set to do what i thought I wanted so this job was basically to live.

Anyway, back to the bottom of the rung. While I was at that point I had a manager who was and still is one of the best people I have ever worked under, bar nothing. I guess I was kind lucky in that regard, but looking back now, maybe I was spoiled because of it too.

While he went onto another job, (inside the company) I got another manager who was close to one of the worst I have ever had, (and still is one of the worse I see to this day. When I heard that this person will be leaving the company, I started counting down the days). The only one good thing that this person did was push to have me moved to a higher department. And when I saw push, I mean push, because of her bad management, I had gotten to the point of not caring and needed something to change.

**please note that while I was still in the same job that I had started in, people of less skill then me were moving up the ranks. Not saying that to brag, but you can tell the slackers from the not and I was part of the not. **

Anyway, that takes me to the job I'm in now. I got the position about 18 months after starting at the company and I'm still here... At that point though, awesome manager was the manager of that team, since then, i have had a half manager, a good manager who went on maternity leave, no manager, and then my current manager.

I think there are many reasons why i am still here, but it is also in part, due to the following things:

^ my none committal to a career. I'm still young (ish) I have NFC (like nfi but clue instead of idea) what I WANT!

^ my inability to see how much I actually really do. Also the inability of my management to be able to see that.

^ my inability to suck up. My workplace has become a place of vacuum's and it's annoying. I will not drop to that level to get ahead. I will do the work that is required of me and more, if you don't notice, then I will drop back to only what is required of me. I don't think that's too harsh.

^ my managers inability to actually who works around him and not just the people who suck up and do nothing. This is one of the HUGEST things that make me angry about my job. In a team of two, I could be carrying the whole workload, but my 'team mate' was bff's with the manager so he was blind that nothing from that person was being done.

I need encouragement and some acknowledgement. I don't know what it is, but if I don't get either of those, I get discouraged and no matter how much wok I do, I just don't think anything of it and just get it done. My manager seems to not understand this, OR he understands this and uses it to HIS advantage.... (I just thought d that and it kids makes sense, although I'm writing this at 2am, so maybe not).

So anyway, back to THE JOB. My friend, a lass who used to be in my team (when there was more then 2 of us), saw this job advertised and encouraged (*read pushed with all her might*) me to apply. This is where the rejection comes in.This was the first job I applied for apart from the one 4 or so years ago.MY MANAGER DIDN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT I WAS APPLYING FOR THIS ROLE EXCEPT TO SAY HE READ MY RESUME WHEN I EMAILED IT TO HIM TO GET APPROVAL FOR THE APPLICATION.Now, I'm not expecting one on one interview coaching with him, but even a meeting to say, do you need help with anything, here is what you might wanna point out that you have done, a 15 min meeting would have done it. But what did I get? A ONE WORD EMAIL. Thanks mister boss man!! So anyway, interview time, I'm as nervous as something that's always nervous and I had nfi what the help I should be saying, so I spend MOST of the interview apologizing. Yep, apologizing. Great impression there!!

The next day I had a weeks leave, so I get a call the on my first day of leave, (note also, that I don't answer private numbers, so when I got two private calls I didn't answer, UNTIL pushy friend (and I say that with love) msged me and told me to answer! Another great impression there!, saying that I wasn't right for this role (boo!) but we put your name down for this other role that you would be better suited for just cos you were so great in the interview and all (that apparently doesn't happen, so at first I thought yay!! But damn ANOTHER INTERVIEW?!?).

I looked at the job description of the second job and it was actually better for me and kinda what I had hoped the first one was so better, yes. The night before the second interview for the second job, I slept for maybe 2 hours. Which one would think is bad, but it actually helped me to not be nervous as much, cause I guess i didn't have the energy for it. This job was about knowledge and the other was about systems. So good.

I'm in the interview and before it starts, the interviewer can see I'm a little jumpy (no sleep and nerves by then, I guess. I'm also not the best self seller as well), so says to me, you are the best in the lot, so as long as the don't swear (I'm a BIG SWEARER) in the interview or anything like that, then you are the best person for the role. **note this wasn't verb barren but close enough**

So this gives me so much hope, as in ALL the hope in the world that I am finally getting out of what I hated, ( my current job) and I could finally use my 5 years worth of company knowledge for good instead of waste!! Turns out, not so much, but first I had to be strung along a little just to make the cut a little deeper. So I get a second interview. Awesome!

Only one other person got a second interview and it was a practical and we did it at the same time. I see the person I'm up against and not only was he LATE but he had only been with the company for about 6 months. So again, more hope!! At this point I was already working out in my head how the monthly pay compared to the weekly pay was going to affect my bills and rent paying. THAT'S how much I just KNEW. Well, as it turns out stupid 6 month guy with no knowledge got it. Wanna know why? Oh, a little thing called A DEGREE!!!!! now you would think that said interviewer would know about said degree when he told me I WAS THE BEST PERSON FOR THE ROLE but apparently not... So I cried. And cried. And cried.

Oh, did I mention I then had another 4 hours of my current hell of a job that I had to do for the rest of the day? So I sat at my desk (which is opposite my manager so he CAN SEE ME) and cried.

Then I had a chat with pushy friend and cried some more, but as much as she is usually helpful, she was the opposite that day. Cause she had become friends with 6 monther, so she was HAPPY!! Ahuh, H A double P Y! Here I am bawling my eyes out on the street and she is happy. So that was helpful.

Also would like to point out that my manager, who saw how upset I was, only decided to ask me about what happened ON HIS WAY OUT OF THE OFFICE AND DID A FLY BY 'we'll talk', but shock horror we NEVER did. Again, all I was hoping for was a 15 min meeting....

Now, even though I know my knowledge could probably be used in a better way in the company (trust me in my current role my brain is going to mush and I am starting to get madder and madder at the stupid and stupider people we are hiring), I think after that rejection after so much hope means I probably won't go for a job in that department ever again. I also would not be able to stand being in the same team and sort of 'under' 6 monther.

I hate that I didn't get that job. I hate that I am in the same job that I have been in for the last 4 years. I hate that people around me (who started long after me and have taken a year or more off on leave) are moving up the ranks. I hate my job. And I hate that this experience has put me off other jobs that might help me as the company in the long run.
I just was told that the 6 monther, actually annoys the team that he went into, and does things not as well as certain people thought they would...
Is it bad that I didn't feel at all bad when i was told this, and just a little bit of happieness....??


Lora said...

I feel every single word of this. Work is for jerks. Let's quit and live like hippies.

Red said...

I think that we should all get like 10 million at 18 and have to live off that, once its gone, you get a job.
How can this be arranged, I wonder?

Al said...

Renee, Helen and i are arguing about if you are complaining about me or Stella. Could you please clarify.


Red said...

First. Wasn't complaining.

Second. Are you friends with the person who got the job? Do you even know them?

Al said...

ok i win.